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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

How to you get teenages to respect their elders, eg grandparents

30 replies

conway · 08/06/2015 20:24

My mum and dad are getting on and my mum has a hard time caring for my dad.
On Sunday I decided to take my mum out to coast for a couple of hours with my 14 year old boy and 9 year old.
My teenager spoilt the whole day as he didn't want to be there but wanted to rush back to watch football with his dad.
He spoilt the whole day with his rudeness and I felt so sorry for my mum who treated us to a lovely lunch.
It is so hard pleasing everyone.
Does anyone else have a similar experience?

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 14/06/2015 21:30

Although I really dislike rudeness, I think some of the problem might have been circumvented by a bit of forward planning and maybe better communication.

Apologies if you did all of this, Conway, but when dealing with a self centered teen I think I would have taken pains to be clear to him that the trip would take no more than X amount of time, and I would have assured him that he would be back in time for his match. Then I would have honoured that promise about time.

If it was a spur of the moment idea of mine, or something that occurred to me on the day of the event, I would have given him the option of joining in or staying home, with the comment, 'well this will be a girls' only trip this time, but next time you and gran and I can spend some time together', just so that he is on notice that he can't get off the hook (assuming he and gran have a decent relationship). Then for next time, I would try to involve him in deciding what he and gran would like to do together and certainly let him tell you what is a good day for him instead of asking him to drop what he has on when an opportunity comes up.

When you are dealing with teens you can't expect them to just jump when you say it -- that is not to say you should tiptoe around them, but rather that you should expect to engage in a certain amount of give and take, especially if something comes up at short notice and there is something else preoccupying the teenager.

Looking at another angle here -- does DS ever help out his gran in dealing with grandad? Does he mow their lawn or do little odd jobs for them? Is there any way he could be useful to them around their home or garden? This might be more meaningful for all concerned in the long run than tagging along on trips.

BackforGood · 14/06/2015 23:26

Totally agree with all Mathanxiety has said. Smile

HearTheThunderRoar · 15/06/2015 08:18

I agree with Bert, is it really going to kill them to spend a few hours with their grandparents every now and then (excluding grandparents who have never really been around)

Bonsoir · 15/06/2015 08:30

It's absolutely fine for DC to be expected to spend time with GPs but (a) not too much (b) not when it encroaches seriously on their down time and hobbies, or else you are asking for resentment.

DP's DF takes his grandson out for lunch at a restaurant once a week. It's only an hour and DSS2 gets a far nicer meal than the sandwich he would otherwise eat. Win win.

Groovee · 15/06/2015 08:38

Did who is 15 is always better behaved when she has a friend to accompany her.

But sometimes she just has to suck it up and get on. She once ruined a day out which wasn't far from home so dh took her back every day for a week and told her she would learn to appreciate it. It soon made her realise there are something's you just need to accept this is happening.

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