Hi everyone, I'm new here and would really appreciate your thoughts and any advice you can offer.
I have 2 teenagers, a 19 yr old daughter who has chronic depression, anxiety and ocd (tested for ASD but didnt score highly enough and is now looking at a bipolar diagnosis) and a 17 yr old son who is statemented for ebd.
I divorced their dad in 2008, our son chose to live with his dad and our daughter chose to live with me. I remarried in 2011 and the children accepted their step dad, they both did.
Since divorcing their dad, he did his best to alienate me from them and managed this with my son 15 months ago. It was a difficult time when my son's behaviour was unmanageable, he was into drugs, stealing, had been excluded from 4 schools and going missing sometimes for weeks. I ended up having a nervous breakdown, losing my job and was suicidal.
It took some time but my son's behaviour calmed down and I was able to begin to repair our relationship with the help of his school and his tys worker. Last December He started to stay again every weekend and things got back to normal 
He had come so far, really improved in all aspects but was still smoking, had occasional outbursts and was lying about and stealing small things, though nothing compared to before. He was also working hard to do well at school and we were becoming closer than ever.
He wanted to stay with us during his exams and the first week was better than I could've wished for. It may seem silly but I honestly thought he would end up living with us and that is all I have ever wanted for the last 7 years, for both of my children to be with me. The only hiccup was on the last day when he smashed his phone up in temper playing Fifa. He came to me and told me what he'd done and said he was not playing Fifa anymore because it set off his anger. I was really proud of him and made sure he knew it. He would never have been open about losing his temper before and has rarely been honest with anyone about anything.
The second week didn't even get started. He hadn't only smashed his phone up but had also done the same thing to the console controller and had hidden it. His step dad found it the night before he was due to come back. The following day my son and his step dad were home before I finished work and my husband tried to talk to him about it. He planned what he was going to say being mindful of my son's potential reaction. Things didnt go at all well. I had a call at work from my husband saying I needed to come home as my son had lost it and smashed things, fought with him, threw a large pebble at his head and didn't want anything more to do with my husband.
I couldnt resolve anything between them. My son admitted he was hoping to kill my husband. My husband was and still is convinced that my son is dangerous, needs a full mental assessment and feels powerless to protect us from him and won't consider any resolution where my son is welcome at home. My daughter has admitted she has done the bare minimum in her relationship with her brother and that was for my sake. My son's father won't allow him at our home now either. My son wont respond to my messages and has missed one exam.
I feel helpless and am heartbroken. I have no idea how to fix this.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. It feels good to express it, I have no one to talk to about it as everyone close to me has their own issues with my son.
