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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

DD 17 and chores

12 replies

TooManyButtons · 30/05/2015 10:29

DD 17 is lovely. Fun to be around, no bother, never had any trouble. But dear god, the laziness around the house!

She's in her first year of 6th form, and also has a part time job at weekends for a few hours. I've cut her plenty of slack while she's been revising for exams, but it's getting ridiculous now. She'll literally spend all day in bed watching netflix. Any request for anything to be done around the house is met with a hysterical shreik of "God! I will!" - however said task is rarely completed. She feels that emptying the dishwasher once a week and occasionally walking the dog is ample contribution. No matter how often I ask her to do anything, it rarely gets done.

I work full time, although I'm currently signed off with stress/depression so really need a bit of support. How on earth can I get her to do something (anything! )

OP posts:
fattymcfatfat · 30/05/2015 10:34

I would remove her internet access. tell her she can have it back when she helps out. maybe someone with more experience can give you better advice but that's how I would handle it but then again I don't have teens, and my mum never had that problem with me as I was a Mum at 17

CamelHump · 30/05/2015 10:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Travelledtheworld · 30/05/2015 22:52

Yep, mine is exactly the same as this. Bone idle. No motivation to do anything at all. But a lovely girl.
Disconnect the router and tell her it only goes back on when she has done her jobs. I did this earlier today. Locked it in the car.
And I wonder if breaking down in tears might actually help, ham up the illness a bit....

Heyho111 · 31/05/2015 08:57

This is normal. I'm going against the grain here.
I ask mine to do a chore knowing they will ignore me. I then do the chore. I say nothing. But I always ask them to do something. Over time and I mean quite a long time they have started to do what I asked. I nearly fainted the first time it happened. Lol.
The reason I did it this way is simple. If I insisted, nagged , switched off wifi etc the result was awful rows that lasted ages. Then the atmosphere in the house was awful all the time. My child stopped being that nice kid to be around , didn't talk to me and our relationship was nonexistent.
Now she has gone through the lazy stage. She does the chores I ask. I chose to live through the laziness and ignore it. We ended up having a close relationship which had at one point disappeared from all the arguments. I know people will disagree with me but we got to the same stage without unpleasantness.

Claybury · 31/05/2015 09:07

I'm with heyho - I don't really see how forcing them to do a chore by switching off the router is helpful. What are they learning?
My teens do very very little around the house. I have time so I don't 'need ' their help but I think they need to learn how to do stuff and become independent adults.
DS is desperate to be allowed to stay in the house alone if we have a weekend away. We have just said no, not until he is more proactive about clearing up, putting out trash etc. You would think that would be a motivator.
I do feel we have failed to get our DC's to pitch in at home but I don't know what the answer is.
In their defence they do study much harder than I ever did and it is exam time now so I'm being easy on them.

Stinkersmum · 31/05/2015 18:25

Claybury surely they're learning that you don't get the little luxuries in life without putting some effort in once in a while?

SecretSquirrels · 01/06/2015 12:08

Another agreeing with Heyho.

I have much more time than they do. They are capable of looking after themselves, they can do all the chores but I don't make them do them all the time.
I have older teens who will willingly do what I ask but have never been forced to do a particular share of the chores. They also work very hard at school and have part time jobs. When I was 13 both my parents worked and I was expected to do the lion's share of housework and cook dinner every night after school. I resented it and still think it was wrong 40 years later.

Only on mumsnet do people switch off the router at the drop of a hat as a method of parenting.

Claybury · 01/06/2015 12:38

Do people actually switch off the router in this way ?
Ours is off overnight, that's all. Teens have 3G on their phones anyway , so they wouldn't care much.
If I switched it off to punish or bribe one teen, what about the other who is doing homework ? Or other family members?
Heyho is right, they will eventually get there. or be asked to move out
It is different maybe for OP who needs the help more than some.

Claybury · 01/06/2015 12:39

Stinker - DD would not call wifi a 'little luxury' any more than I would call drinking water or air a little luxury!

Stinkersmum · 01/06/2015 12:41

If she went without or had to pay for it herself she might see it differently....

SecretSquirrels · 01/06/2015 19:36

Ours is off overnight
Nothing in our house is ever actually off has shares in National Grid.
DH is likely to be up and online at 3 am as he keeps odd hours. DS1 when home from uni is up until the early hours.

Given the choice I think everyone in this house would choose wifi over water Grin.
Oh and stinker our wifi costs nothing this year and £3 a month after January. DC could buy their own out of loose change part time job.

However as Claybury says the OP needs help.
The fact that her DD is DD 17 is lovely. Fun to be around, no bother, never had any trouble and she works hard at school and she has a part time job is a lot to be proud of.

ShotgunNotDoingThePans · 01/06/2015 19:49

I agree with that last point, and the others who don't try and enforce chore-doing. I'm all for an easy life, and afaiac having rows about trivia makes things more difficult and sullies relationships.
That said, I ask mine to bend on with me until dishes are cleared, or leave them to do it themselves a couple of times a week.
DD is 17 also and revising; she walks the dog a few times a week. DS (14) reluctantly dog-walks and washes up also, but he does do it when I ask. I used to try and do a rota when DS1 was still at home, but that's difficult to make fair when they're different ages, and the arguments would start before the meal was even finished. It's not worth it.
DS is now a 2nd year student who shops and cooks tor himself and a friend every day, so I reckon something must have gone in! I know he doesn't pick anything off his floor ever, but that also will come at some stage. He never, ever leaves a mess around the rest of the house.

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