Is it wrong that I'm so hurt?

[YorkGirl2015]

Today is DD's 15th birthday..our family situation is very difficult, our youngest son has complex SN & it's impossible to do anything as a family, but I try my best to make things as normal as possible for her & her other brother (12yrs). She's been in a bit of a shitty mood because her boyfriend is on holiday this week so he's not around & several of her friends can't do a birthday meal till later in the week. I get it she's 15, she'd rather be with her friends than her embarrassing family. I've encouraged her to go out with a couple of friends tomorrow & I'm happy for her to spend her birthday with them, but she's just told me she wants to stay at her friend's house overnight & told me not to bother with the cake I was making as she won't be here. The final straw for me was her having a kick off about me putting a happy birthday message & what I thought was a cute picture of her on social networking sites.. Lots of her friends have posted messages with grim but jokey pictures that she's found hilarious.. So I guess it's just me she hates. I was just doing my best to try & give her a nice day & show her that I love her, but I can't do anything right in her eyes & rightly or wrongly it upsets me

Of course you are hurt. You are human and she is being a bloody teenager.
Rise above my lovely
I know exactly where you are coming from.
My other half was away when Dd1 had her birthday. She had had me buying her lots of books on kindle and some nice make up. I had provided her class with brownies. She had gone kut with a couple of mates in the afternoon.
She had agreed to grudgingly go out for a meal with me and her two young --annoying siblings. Peace lasted for five minutes before WW3 broke out, I paid, she stormed off. Did not speak to me for a couple of hours til she wanted something. A few days later told me I wrecked her birthday.

Her celebration official was yesterday...film and pizza with friends. Bank of Dad expected to show up, take the popcorn order, wait somewhere else for two hours before taking them to pizza place where he was not expected to sit at their table, just pay at the end!!!
Me and the babbies were banned from the event entirely.

I am embarrassing with a capital E, no fashion sense, only have pity parties, cannot have a convo without groaning, sighing or eye rolling and I Do Not Understand Her. Unlike Zoella or Pointless Man or any of the other xubious vloggers.

Ignore. Smile and Wave. Make the Eat the Save her a piece.
I got told, no goody bags, we're not three Sigh No Candles we're not babies Sigh.

Look, you sound awesome, when she is 25 or when she has kids of her own, you might get an apology one day. Hang on in there love. It is a world of pain but do not engage.

xxx

Oh love, of course you're hurt. What StupidBloodyKindle said is spot on.

Ooh lots of typos there. Sorry.
So yes, she is moping.
And God forbid you wish her a happy birthday, say I love you or post anything on her wall.
I am not allowed access to instagram or google mail. Her father checks all that. I stand well clear.
If I had £ for every sigh, grunt, dead eye, eyeroll, curseword, comment under her breath, groan, moan, whinge, whine, or no reply, I would be on a beach in Haiti.

You have done nothing wrong and you are allowed to feel hurt. You can tell her she has hurt your feelings in that one window per month week when she might actuallyisten. But don't hold your breath and don't escalate even if she is being a moody, mopey, entitled madam.

Rise above. Smile and wave as she goes to her sleepover. Have a movie night with your 12 year old.

feeling hurt is obviously an emotion that spreads like a virus, between parents of teenagers. and like a virus some people can put up a stronger resistance than others. I also have a 14yr old D and a couple of infants, its not easy to let her moods just pass by, but i usually tell myself that i have to allow her to be a grump and let her believe that im listening to her so called fashion advice. While all the time reminding myself that down the line she will notice that im the only constant friend she will keep even while she grows and establishes who she is. You know that day will come when you can say im still here.

Thank you for kind messages. I was probably being a bit over emotional. DD opened her presents this morning & we dropped her off at her friend's. I've had regular updates via snapchat which show she's having a lovely day. It saddens me a little bit that she's having a nicer time with her friends than our dysfunctional family (truth be told I'm a bit jealous of her being able to escape!) but I'm having a glass (or several) of wine to celebrate the day anyway ????

Oh but that's her age. Virtually every girl this age has a better time with her friends than with her family. Wouldn't you love to spend the day with your friends?!

Make the most of the peace while she's out.

her having a kick off about me putting a happy birthday message & what I thought was a cute picture of her on social networking sites..

You're her mum, you'll embarrass her whatever you do!

This isn't about your family, this is about her being 15. Nothings going to fix that but time I'm afraid!

my daughter reached her peak of utter horridness when she was 15

they come out the other side, I promise

Update...DD came back from friends house this morning after & lovely day & precisely no sleep. She spent all day asleep. Woke up at 7pm & then updated her Twitter with the fact I hadn't bothered to feed her all day . Totally ignored the cake I'd lovingly made. Anyway her lovely boyfriend has intervened by the power of FaceTime (don't know what he said, but she'll always listen to him!) & she's apologised to me & vice versa.. So all good.. Until the next time she's an ungrateful brat & I'm a totally unreasonable parent

Yorkie How you didn't punch the I'll never know!
Yep, had that too...sleeps all sodding day then a hangry What's for dinner?
AFshit the bed, I've got two more years of the exorcist before she reaches her peak? Good Lord

Enjoy the fragile ceasefire OP

Oh no! You have my full sympathy. I have 2 of them DSD16 and ?D 15.Always imagined it would be fun at this age- nice girly shopping trips, spot of lunch, actually nice to be with them. Instead birthday shopping outing today ended up with me storming off for an hour, virtually in tears to look round on my own as i was fed up of the eye rolling, sniggering and general attitude towards me. They generally treat me like some kind of embarrassing idiot.... How do kids who you couldn't be closer to one minute turn into this? You can't win though as you have found out today - leave them alone as they seem to want n you get slagged off to. Keep getting told they do come out the other side xx

I've often felt that teenagers having periods of being so vile and selfish to their families is part of an evolutionary survival strategy. So when they are teetering on the brink of leaving the nest in a few years, you are ready to give them a helpful shove.
As others have said, it's not you, it's being 15. Try not to get upset, but don't get emotionally guilted into running around trying to fix small stuff.
Not fed her? She's 15. I'd have the makings of sandwiches and easy meals in the house for her to use. Likewise, save the cute pictures for your account.
She's working towards being an adult and the process can get messy for all involved. Pick your fights and she will come out the other side and appreciate what she's got. Sometimes it takes Uni or living away from home to give them some perspective.
Be kind to yourself, her happiness is not your responsibility.