D'Oh! I just lost a carefully crafted post when my phone alarm went off!
We found the time between seeing the GP and getting the assessment from ED services was really hard. Our ED services suggest you get weekly appointments with the GP to get weighed at this time. DDs were struggling alone with their illness and unable to accept my help at this stage. I suppose this meant I had examples of their ED thinking and behaviours, and it was very clear it was an ED. Only when they were assessed and told by a professional that I'm in charge, would they accept what food I prepared, and even then it it a gradual process. So both my DDs lost weight further at that stage and the GPs were pretty ineffectual against the EDs (but understanding and reassuring, and keeping us close).
You do have to talk about food, but not at mealtimes. Don't discuss what goes into evening meals. Provide a lot of different fruit and veg if shevwill eat that, or whatever she will have. Ideally, 'refeeding' is done with the help of ED services who can guide you to tailor your meal arrangements to your own DD's needs and particular behaviours and type of illness.
I can say what we did, but it was different for each child, and your DD is different again, so this is just an example, not a template. My DDs have anorexia. Treatment for other EDs is quite a bit different (if there is binging, talking about food is not done. However one DD claimed there was binging in order to avoid hearing things about food she didn't want to because the ED thinking was getting too much of a foothold).
After seeing the ED services counsellor and getting an assessment, I was put in charge of preparing all meals. I had to draw up a meal plan with limited input from DD initially (mainly fruit and veg based at first) go to weekly ED appointments with her for a weekly weigh in (hide scales at home) and only talk about weight and numbers in the appointment, if at all. If weight is lost, more calorie dense foods have to be eaten. It's that simple.
So, before the ED assessment, DD2 was not eating breakfast or a morning snack (probably wasn't eating lunch either although said she did whenever asked). When I started her meal plan after the first ED appointment, she insisted on making her own cereal (less than half a bowl of oats & Allbran and water). She'd then eat a half a banana or a handful of berries and a half slice of toast with thinly spread peanut butter or other spread . It would take her about an hours to eat. She would drink a large glass of water and green tea and rush to the loo. (Where she'd spit out the food she had squirreled away up by her gums).
Now, breakfast is:
a small glass of fruit juice or non-dairy milk,
a bowl of cereal (1 American cup of oats, 1 teaspoon of sugar and the spices she likes, cooked in microwave)
1 medium slice wholemeal bread with peanut butter,
Plus snack she has now at breakfast with me: 1 high cal protein bar (Pulsin, Cliff or Trek, not the low calorie diet ones).
It takes 20-30 minutes to eat now.
She didn't put weight on last week, and we want to stay dairy free, so I've explained that this is to step things up instead of having to cook with cheese and double cream for evening meals. That's been the persuader. So each step up is hard for her, but once the hurdle of introducing something more calorie dense is over, the routine is established and she gets on with it (not the case for older DD, every meal was a battle for her.)
So, before resorting to dairy, we could still go up to thick slices of bread, more peanut butter, fried breakfasts (we do egg for Saturday breakfast, could make itba full English, larger drink with added sugar (e.g. hot chocolate) and add a banana. DD knows that I'll only try that for one more week and then it will have to be full on dairy fest (this gives us very smelly farts and a gripy tummy). She does get 5-6 eggs and fish and meat in the week, it's the sugars and fats she has been low on, so now crisps and more healthy fried foods are coming into play.