My niece has confided in me - she's gay and feeling vulnerable

[HexBramble]

DNiece is the gentlest and wisest child I have ever met. She is 12. Even as a toddler, she was serious and focused, loved her collections of shells, adored her baby brother, never ever a negative emotion. At school, she is doing really well and from her school report, quite an all rounder. I love her to bits.

We are close because I'm close with my older sister. DSIS and DBIL are great people. Lovely parents. I saw DN last weekend for the day and she was quiet and tearful. We had a chat, I asked her about friends - she has a close group of 3 friends - lovely girls - have met them all and she said suddenly, out of the blue, "You see Auntie Hex, they're really really homophobic and they say things in front of me, regardless of how it makes me feel." The penny dropped and I asked her if this was her way of telling me that she is gay. She nodded, I hugged her and told her she was brave.

Her parents don't know yet and she has asked me to not say. She trusts them entirely but is still trying to find the words. She is low at times because the friends she adores make jibes and comments "uuurgh, that's so gay" and "those two are SO weird" (about two other girls in her year that are gay). She HAS told these girls and they seemed fine, they treat her the same, but it's the comments that get to her. She doesn't want me approaching them either in case I make it worse.

How can I help my lovely, gently, thoughtful niece come to some sort of happy balance, both with herself and her friends?

Try to google support for LGBT youth in your area. They have often have groups which can help young people to feel confident. Stonewall is a good start. You sound like a lovely aunty and she is lucky to have you.

Look at
www.youngminds.org.uk/news/blog/2042_you_re_not_who_i_thought_you_were_-_supporting_lgbtq_young_people. There is also other good info on their website.

Thanks to you both. This is really helpful information.

(It will also help me understand my inner turmoil too if I'm honest - she's so young! How has she decided what sexuality she is when she is so young!! My naivety is showing here)

She's not that young. At 12 kids start fancying people and getting boyfriends/girlfriends. I guess she just noticed she's attracted to girls rather than boys. It really is that simple

It's great that she confided in you - you sound lovely.

I agree too that it's not so much a decision, more of a realisation. When did you decide you are heterosexual? See?

Yes Micro and Amy. You've put it brilliantly. Thank you thank you.

I'm over the moon that she trusts me and at the same time thinking to myself "don't get this wrong!"

Want to support her so that she stays this gentle girl.