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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

spoilt teenagers.

18 replies

Strawberrybonbon3 · 20/05/2015 11:56

Hi all, im a bit upset really as this.morning was talking to one.of my 13 year old daughters friends mom. She said shed heard my daughter had got an iphone 5 recently ( which was.for her birthday), she.said that her daughter thought mine was very spoilt as is always getting new stuff! I wouldn't class my daughter as spoilt, she behaves well, does well at school, and helps me around the house alot and I treat her when I can. She doesnt expect off me but is greatfull for what I get her. I understand then some people can't do as much as others. Anyway im just wondering what you would class as spoilt? Thankyou x

OP posts:
NickiFury · 20/05/2015 11:58

No. And I would ignore anyone who said so. She sounds jealous.

Grewupinafield · 20/05/2015 12:00

There was a thread recently about what it means to have a spoilt child, I can't remember where though. I think the general consensus is that if a child expects everything and shows no appreciation then they are spoilt. I might be wrong.

There's no harm in treating your kids when you can, I personally wouldn't get a brand new iPhone for a 13 year old but that's my decision.

Could the child in question be jealous of your daughter?

You know your daughter and as a birthday treat, I don't see the harm, as long as she understands how to look after it properly (if so could she tell my dh who regularly scratches his??)

butterflyballs · 20/05/2015 12:04

A spoiled child is one that expects or demands and never appreciates what they get or says thank you. They end up feeling entitled to have everything.

I don't see the issue with your child having the phone. My youngest is 9 and at Xmas half a dozen posts appeared on Facebook from friends with photos of their 9 year olds showing off their new iphones. Which is insane. But each to their own.

IHaveBrilloHair · 20/05/2015 12:06

Sounds like jealousy to me, I bought my dd an iphone5 last year when she was 12 because I wanted to, some of her friends have the same, some not so good and some better, so long as dd is behaving to my standards I couldn't care a jot what others think.

Original poster
Strawberrybonbon3 · 20/05/2015 12:26

About the iphone its a contract one and she used to get pocket money she has said she would rather have her iphone which I think is very generous for a teenager! Now she doesnt get pocket money she will say if she really likes something but waits until she knows I can afford it. She had a samsung phone before for 3 years and she never one dropped or damaged it and thats why I know I can trust her with this phone.

OP posts:
lincolnshirelassy · 20/05/2015 12:53

What a thing to say. I would've punched her in the face! My dd has an iphone 5 on contract which I also bought for her 13th, a refurb not new, lots of her friends have iphone 6's or ipads, I wouldn't say your dd was spoilt at all.

NickiFury · 20/05/2015 14:46

Proper Grin at "I would have punched her in the face". I'm not sure her comment deserved anything quite as extreme as that!

My ds (12) will have a contract iPhone 5 shortly. They're very reasonable since iPhone 6 came out. I don't think it's that big a deal.

lincolnshirelassy · 20/05/2015 14:56

Well ok maybe not a punch then, just a little slap Wink

Aussiemum78 · 20/05/2015 15:09

Context? Tone?

I often say "hope you got spoilt for your birthday" which is different to "you are being spoilt".

Could she have said "my friend is so spoilt" in a "lucky her" way?

ItsRainingInBaltimore · 20/05/2015 15:22

What a thing to say. I would've punched her in the face!

Good grief, I do hope that's a joke. Shock

caringdad66 · 20/05/2015 16:00

If you are happy with daughters attitude and behaviour,then you treat her.Nothing wrong with that at all.

lincolnshirelassy · 20/05/2015 16:11

Yes itsraining it's a joke Smile I might have told her she was being very rude though

Fleurdelise · 20/05/2015 17:08

My DS is 14 and has an iphone 5 since he turned 13. So? I can afford it and he deserves it. Lots of his friends have the iphone 6.

WankerDeAsalWipe · 20/05/2015 23:15

My children have a lot of material possessions. These have mostly been gifts for Christmas and birthdays or things they have saved for themselves or occasional treats.

Others have more and others have less.

However, they are polite, get excellent report cards from school, do their chores about the house, appreciate what the have and don't expect or demand anything. I'd say they weren't spoilt, your daughter sounds similar. I am sure she isn't crowing about what she has to her friends as that would be a bit spoilt and unpleasant.

OccamsLadyshave · 22/05/2015 08:41

My DD is in a friendship group of 3.

Friend 1 has an iphone 5 and an ipad and loads of new clothes but rarely goes out anywhere or does anything with her family.

Friend 2 has a cheap phone she bought herself after saving up for over a year, but has two music lessons each week plus an instrument that cost £900 and is a member of several orchestras (regional and national) that involve loads of travel and parental commitment.

My DD has the cheapest Tesco contract phone as a birthday present, hardly ever gets new clothes and has to save up for them herself, but last year we went on holiday for 4 weeks to Peru and the Galapagos Islands. I'm saving at the moment, as next year we're hoping to go to SE Asia for a month.

Friend 2 and DD think Friend 1 is spoilt! She probably has less spent on her than the other two.

I think it's only natural that kids look at what others have and feel envy. It's down to each family's priorities. Mine is travel, F2's is music and F1's is gadgets. Sadly the kids focus on the gadgets more than all the other things.

lljkk · 22/05/2015 10:12

Example of spoilt behaviour: My 13yo says kids deliberately drop their (fairly new) iPhones on the ground to get attention for being reckless & they know it's insured; DD is appalled, though she drops her elderly iphone4 by accident, not perfect child.

she.said that her daughter thought mine was very spoilt as is always getting new stuff!

Why do you care about the opinion of a 13yo girl?? ??????

WankerDeAsalWipe · 22/05/2015 10:29

Occams - yes, very good points - families have different priorities. I'm a bit paranoid about mine having enough things to "fit in" with others as DS1 was badly bullied. They don't have the top notch of everything, as I said some have more and some have less. They are not ones to show off anyway. They do lots of activities, most are not that expensive and they have a main holiday (not necessarily always abroad but costs similar anyway) and a trip or two at other times. I could buy them less and we could have fancier holidays, but i think they enjoy what we do and they can travel further afield when they are adults. When i was a child i had one holiday which was a week in a caravan about 15 miles from home - I loved it and still remember it but don't feel hard done by.

We live in a nice area which is across from a rough estate (similar to the ones that OH and I grew up in) and the primary school served both so I think my two appreciate things and how fortunate they are, although having said that lots of the kids from that estate have more tech than they do (probably similar to F1 in the example)

Original poster
Strawberrybonbon3 · 22/05/2015 17:45

lljkk its not that I care what a 13 year old thinks it was just the way it was said to me! Grin

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