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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DD suffering before exams start?

18 replies

MaybeIAmJustNotReasonable · 10/05/2015 21:03

DD(15) suffers from anxiety and becomes so highly strung and anxious about exams she can't really function Sad. She snaps, cries and panics a lot. I know it sin't her fault but it becomes so difficult and it's saddening to see. She's extremely stressed about her biology exam (day after her birthday) and it's really hit her now she's gone on study leave.
She's also struggling because two of her closest friends are not likely to be staying to sixth form at her school, and she's just been so sad and anxious lately it's horrible to see. (Considered a DRs appointment but exams, revision sessions and other commitments make this impossible until after he exams Sad). One of her mock grades (Biology) was low (In fairness she did 1/3 of the paper as an in depth revision tool and got 23/25 on the section, which was 23/75 and a D) and it's getting her really down, I don't know how to make it better for her without sounding condescending and as if I don't care. (I tried telling her it was okay to get a lower grade occasionally but she got angry and upset)
It kills myself and my husband to see her like this, she's a bright girl and she'll come out okay but she works herself up so much she won't do anything but revise (she asked me to cancel her contact lens fitting on Wednesday, because she needed to revise, but I said no on grounds she has been asking for them for months now) and she's becoming extremely introverted and sad.
Any advice?

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GaryBaldy · 10/05/2015 21:36

I'm in a similar position and from chatting to other Mums it seems to be they are all going into meltdown at the moment.

Advice? Keep doing as you are doing. Walk on eggshells, bite your tongue, give her lots of hugs and reassurance.

Original poster
MaybeIAmJustNotReasonable · 10/05/2015 21:39

GaryBaldy it's sad isn't it Sad
Especially with so many pressures put on them, I really can't wait until she starts sixth form (!)
Good luck for the next few months, lord knows we'll all need it!

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AnyFucker · 10/05/2015 21:41

beta blockers ?

IDismyname · 10/05/2015 21:44

Keep giving her lots of TLC, and tell her that you love her whatever happens. Give her lots of hugs, hot chocolate, and get her out in the fresh air once a day.

DS had his GCSEs last year - we're now at AS levels. I insist that he comes out with me and the dogs.

He gets up around 8.30, has breakfast about 9.00, works on and off all morning. After lunch we'll go for a walk, or do something out of the house for a while, and then around 4-5.00, he'll do another hour or so. I try and be around for any testing if he needs me.

I get a lot of ironing done!

HTH

Original poster
MaybeIAmJustNotReasonable · 10/05/2015 21:45

Any I would but I honestly don't want her to have to rely on medication to cope under pressure Sad She wants to become a photographer and she'd have to deal with some pretty high stress situations

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AnyFucker · 10/05/2015 21:47

beta blockers are not addictive and are useful for temporary self-limiting situations such as exams

Original poster
MaybeIAmJustNotReasonable · 10/05/2015 21:50

IShould I'm slightly nervous about leaving her tomorrow, but work must be done and her dad will be home at lunch time, I just worry about her working herself up!
I'd try and get her out, took her to her grans this afternoon for an hour and she seemed happy, then she came home and started panicking over her revision (she's filed 20 sides of a notebook in around 6 hours Shock) just going to be a lot of stress I fear
I'm trying to keep her focused on the school trip to South Africa a month after she finishes and her photography A-Level but I fear it's going to be a grin and bear it type of time

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NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 10/05/2015 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

poppym12 · 10/05/2015 22:57

i really feel for her, and you. it must be awful to see her so stressed.

here, things seem totally different. DS has his first two exams tomorrow and doesn't seem concerned about them in the slightest. he's more bothered by me saying that he needs to come home after the exams to carry on revising for the others rather than go out with his friends for the rest of the day.

IDismyname · 11/05/2015 07:33

I wonder if some breathing excercises would help? Or some mindfulness?
Check out an app called 'Headspace'. I think the first 10 days are free.

TongueBiter · 11/05/2015 07:45

Something like Kalms might help?

Stuffofawesome · 11/05/2015 07:58

Mindfulness will give her a tools to deal with stress throughout her life check out Headspace on youtube or get the app.

mumsharingknowledge · 11/05/2015 08:40

Sorry to hear about your DD.
As a mum of a teen doing his AS exams (starting today), I can fully understand what you are going through.
It looks like your DD is very keen to perform well and achieve good grades but her body is just not cooperating as it shoud.
How can she make her body cooperate?

Here are some few things which could help:

  • By making sure that she substitute junk/processed food with healthy meals, that is whole meal food(eg brown bread), vegetables and plenty of fruits.This should be done on daily basis.

-Daily physical exercise (the ones you can feel your heart pumping a little bit more while doing).
This can be jogging, going to the gym or using online video workout at the comfort of your home.

  • Get enough sleep! This can be easily achieved once the above two items have been done properly. A good night sleep will calm her down, make her relax and feel less anxious. This will prevent her from feeling stressed out or feel as if she's going through a meltdown therefore will have enough energy to cope with the exam stress.

Hope this helps and please do let me know how she's doing.

All the best.

ISingSoprano · 11/05/2015 08:56

My dd is very similar - she has her first AS exam today and she too suffers from anxiety, particularly around exams. This is what we do:

  1. Make sure revision is balanced - when she is at home on study leave we work out a timetable for the day so that she does about five hours revision with lot of breaks built in and so that she knows by about 4.30 - 5pm she is done for the day and can have the evening off. Or, equally, if she wants to go and meet her friends for a couple of hours in the afternoon that can be built in too.
  1. We go out for a walk every evening - sometimes we chat, sometimes just walk in silence, but it is very companionable.
  1. Use relaxation techniques such as mindfulness (there are lots of free apps) or colouring book (there is a whole other thread on colouring books for grown ups!), reading, watching a movie together.
  1. Make sure meals are healthy and balanced - I ask her to write a list of he favourite meals and cook those regularly (DS is away at uni so dd is the only child at home which means I can indulge her!)

Good luck to you and your dd - lets just hope they manage to do themselves justice Smile

funambulist · 11/05/2015 09:09

I have a stressed teen too. DS1, who is 16, doing GCSEs and a real worrier. I'm struggling with trying to keep him on an even keel.

Things which seem to be helping are:

  • Building little treats into the day to lift his spirits, like making his favourite meal for tea or bringing up nice snacks whilst he's working.
  • Helping him to plan his day, with regular breaks.
  • trying to make sure that those breaks involve coming out of his room and getting some fresh air.
  • Encouraging exercise. He's gone off on his bike a few times. I like the idea of a daily walk. Might encourage that.
  • Getting him to watch a short but funny TV program to help him relax. South Park works here.
  • making sure he goes to bed on time.
  • reassuring him that the pressure to get good grades won't be added to by us. Telling him the grades DH and I got for O levels resulted in a visible relaxation as he's almost certain to do far better than we did.
Original poster
MaybeIAmJustNotReasonable · 11/05/2015 10:04

DD seemed to have set herself a schedule, waking up at 8-8:30, working by half nine etc
All was going well until she texted me saying she was feeling panicky, told her to use her mindfullness app, explained to her she'll be okay, nobody has died from panicking etc. The she started texing about index cards for her business exam, once again reassured her she'll get them, dad'll be home at lunch and you can take a break etc.
Just seems this is the first time she's been confronted with exams that mean something, and despite knowing she did fine in her mocks she's still panicking Sad
Hoping she'll pick up by lunch time and we can have a chat when I get home, encouraged her to watch some cartoons on Netflix (she says it's boring but funny and helps her clear her mind) and just hoping she'll find a way to make it work because at the moment she isn't doing very well

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GrassyBottom · 11/05/2015 14:35

We are in our fourth consecutive year of exams here with my two teens. Each set seemingly more important than the last. Sadly GCSEs are only the beginning, AS, then A levels and then uni exams.....

She's not alone. A few don't suffer exam stress, but many do and genuine anxiety as well.

Lots of good advice on here.
Some tips I have learned over the years.
Exercise is important. It helps with stress and also helps to tire them physically when they are mentally exhausted. DS1 runs every day and DS2 goes to the gym.
Make allowances, ditch chores and generally offer tlc.
Normally they have a 1 hour bus trip to college but I always take them in the car on the day of a big exam.
However nervous I think a good breakfast helps the concentration. I offer to make whatever they think they can swallow (though in DS2's case that isn't much).

Original poster
MaybeIAmJustNotReasonable · 11/05/2015 20:48

Grassy I feel for you
DD expected to have to wait until 3:40 each day to be picked up even if she only had an exam in the morning, I've said I'll pick her up and if she wants to come home when she has one in the morning and one at afternoon she can, she's feeling more positive since she did past papers today but has admitted she's still nervous, but anyone would be really

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