Advice on rebuilding dd/dh relationship.

[chickensaresafehere]

Dh has been in dd's life since she was 3 years old,they have always had a very solid,good relationship.
Her bio father is in her life,but is not consistent.She always has to contact him,if she wants to see him,if she doesn't,he does not contact her and he has not paid CM for over 3 years.She struggles alot with her relationship with him & I know it troubles her.I no longer speak to him due to abuse during our marriage.
She has always looked up to dh as her father & their relationship has only started to deteriorate since she has hit her teenage years.
She is the usual moody,argumentative,stroppy teenage girl but is also ,on the other side,funny,well-behaved & generally lovely.
When she is having a bad day,I tend to @not sweat the small stuff'& leave her to have a rant & only pick her up on serious stuff.
But dh & dd just seem to rub each other up the wrong way all the time.I know he needs to be the adult in this & not let it get to him,but he struggles with it,as she seems to single him out.I know this is because she is struggling with her bio father,but need to sort the two of them out as it is affecting everyone & I feel in the middle of it all

Hi. Please read a book called 'get out my life but first take me and Alex to town' and then get your H to read it.
It's great it's about what is happening to a teenage brain , how it effects them and how to deal with it. It really makes sense. It made a huge difference to our lives.

Hi - mother of 2 aged 19 and 21 here... I think the difficulty is the transition from child to adult. Some parents still try to dominate their offspring - dictate rules, dish out disproportionate punishments etc. Imagine if you confiscated dh's phone if he hadn't done the washing up or tidied his clothes away. It seems ridiculous yet this is the way that some people treat teenagers.

The key lies in both sides having some flexibility. Dd should be treated in an adult way but accept that there are occasions when there is a good reason that she's not getting her own way. Dh must realise that this young person has strong views and should be allowed to negotiate to a certain extent.
It's not easy - takes hard work and understanding on both sides - but if you all have a solid, happy relationship then conflict can be kept to a minimum.

Hi there

It's good to talk!
Both your Dh and Dd need to sit down and have a friendly chat on how to bring back the family relationship they used to have before.
Dh needs to let Dd know the things which she does, which annoys him and vice versa.
Hopefully if this is done politely and with the right tone, they will reach a compromise.
Dh needs to keep in mind that Dd is no longer a little girl so shouldn't be treated as such and Dd should remember that although she is no longer a kid, the respect towards him shouldn't stop.

Definitely second the recommendation for 'get out of my life but first take us in to town' book. It puts everything in perspective and is reassuring to see that what you are going through is really very normal. I think what struck a cord with my DH (who takes it all very personally!) is that it really isn't personal and he's relaxed a lot more and life in our house has got much calmer as a result.