What to do when they literally lie down all day?

[fartmeistergeneral]

DS 16, on study leave, not studying (I'm passed worrying about that, have covered this topic so many times, putting my hope in his final year), lying down all day. Basically gets up, has breakfast and lies down on his bed on his phone for the next 10-12 hours.

I'm working, my husband is working and my ds2 is at school. I've told him to take the dog and empty/fill the dishwasher every day but apart from that I'm not sure what to do. I basically just want him vertical and doing something - ANYTHING - every day. He has a job but that's only one day at weekends with no prospect of the hours increasing at the moment.

He's only doing 3 subjects to exam (don't ask) with 2 to go and they're not 'content heavy' subjects. He's not going to revise anyway, I can't go down the road of asking/making him study - that way madness lies, I know, I've been there.

What should I do about the incredible lack of movement?? He says of course that 'everyone' does this. I feel like I have no respect for him at the moment, I know that's an odd thing to say, but I feel we're all out working our pans out and I come home and he's in his dressing gown!!!!

Hi this sounds exactly like my 18yr old son
He refuses to go to school full stop!
He is sitting his leaving cert in June but thinks he knows it all
Just saying i get you and pity you as Teenagers are sent to try us!

OP, I really wouldn't let him have study leave at home if a. you know he's just lazing about and b. you're not there.

I'd send him in to school and shut the house up so he has to stay there.

This would not be happening. Not on my watch!

I have two revising for GCSEs at the moment BTW (which I add just so you know I'm not some unrealistic mum of toddlers of who has no idea).

I appreciate that Word but after a year and a half of trying to get him to study (too long a story for here going right up to involvement by headteacher), it is just not going to happen. I could tip him out of bed, have massive fights and lock him out the house and he still would not go to school to study. I could deposit him at the school library and he still would not study. I had to make a decision about 6 months whether to keep pushing and pushing with arguments and fighting or to try to maintain a relationship with my son and work round underachieving and i decided to do the latter. You may well feel that your children would listen to you and do the right thing but all children are different. I literally tried everything.

This threas was more about the overall lethargy and inactivity of some (not all!) teenagers. Glad to know that some others are experiencing it too.

I agree that you cannot make anyone revise. And at this stage in the game of year 11 I wouldn't even try.

However, getting up, getting showered, dressed and going to the library (even if no revision is done) is far preferable to leaving a child alone all day with full access to Sky/a full fridge etc knowing they will barely move.

Lethargy breeds lethargy. It's a self destructive cycle that damages health (both physical and mental). Teens are programmed not to see the inherent problems in it (just like alcohol, drugs, sex etc). But as an adult we just have to. Don't we?

I'm understanding now why my DC's school has shortened study leave. Year 11's are in school full time this week. Much better they have to get up and go in. Two teens at home from next week though. Oh god.

I feel for you op. I hate study leave. Luckily for me ds2 has decided to go into school every day which makes life so much easier. People who don't have teens like this don't understand. I'd try and focus on the positives (he has a job. That's quite something) and don't give up on him, keep trying to get him focused, helping out in the house, and keep communicating with him.

Like all phases, it'll pass. It doesn't mean he will be an idle adult.

Well , I have a 16yo son...doing AS'....not going into School until 12....then goes to library to revise...should be at revision classes but does not find them useful due to too many distractions...? Well of course I got concerned ..had the teenage rows..(really that is exhausting)! I HAVE to work full time and out the house for 7.15...Kept phoning to get son up but no answer and causes stress...so gave up! Just thought...well at least he IS revising..right or wrong the way he is doing it will Im sure reflect in his results!
NO WAY could I shove him out, make him get up, He is bigger in height and physically strong... Me standing at bedroom door shouting for him to get up would land on 'deaf ears'...They have to find their own way...knowing your there...encouraging, praising when you can ...but sometimes watching them fail before they 'stand tall'....is the only way with some teens!!! You're certainly not alone OP x

Huge sympathies for everyone, it is hard, but stay strong.

My DD is sooo cross that the school isn't doing study leave for Y11. She did have it in Y10 and just tossed it off. I am delighted she has no choice as she's done no revising at home to speak of anyway

Could be worse. My dd in year 11 is doing no work, but instead of being horizontal is out buggering around with her equally unambitious friend. Yesterday I found an empty vodka bottle in her room. Full size. :-(

Yes I've also found a big bottle of cheap vodka in his room. Agh the teenage years are shit. For us.

When my son was this age and obviously knew so much more than we did, he was just the same so I used to go into his room at night, take his phone and took the internet hub to work with us, he was given the phone back as he left the house each morning to go somewhere (didn't care where really, to revise smoke, so he wasn't messing my house up whilst we were at work) he did try to break in one day, but fell and broke his wrist. (Karma!) He is at University now after going back to school 2 years later to do his exams and educate himself. Our theory was that it is only him that is going to suffer if he doesn't work, we were fine!