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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

I am so disappointed in dd

26 replies

SouthWestmom · 02/05/2015 14:53

I know it could be 100 times worse. Prom.
So I found a lovely dress shop full of dresses for proms in a lovely village and told Dd we could go to try some on etc. Suggested Saturday.
Get back today and she's not dressed, doesn't fancy it, then decides she will and then doesn't get ready. Now it's a screaming match from the bathroom as she refuses to go again.
I know it's up to her but I really wanted to go and see her try stuff on and choose together rather than me just pay for everything as usual.
I can't believe how upset I am .works hard, money's hard, kids are hard. Just thought there'd be a nice bit to my weekend.

OP posts:
chocolatelife · 02/05/2015 14:55

when is prom?
does she really want to go
very annoying I agree
where did you get back from?

perhaps start nagging her earlier in the day might work?

3littlefrogs · 02/05/2015 14:57

Leave her to it and go out and have a coffee in peace.

When she has calmed down you can talk.

Is she worried that she hasn't got a boy/group of friends to go with?
Has something happened to make her anxious about the prom/
Is she worried about her weight/skin/period starting?

Anything could have happened to upset her and she just isn't communicating.

Original poster
SouthWestmom · 02/05/2015 14:59

June, she really wants to go.
Now she's appeared and is doing some weird gas lighting thing about me

OP posts:
Esko · 02/05/2015 15:11

Prom is an incredibly stressful time for them. My elder daughter turned into a grunting zombie on our shopping trip. She wouldn't try anything on and in the end bought the first dress she tried. It was a nightmare.

I bought my younger daughter a dress that she really seemed to like, but she was in tears a few days later about it as she thought it made her breasts look too small!!!! I was flabbergasted. She had been shopping with her friends for their dresses and they seem to model themselves on the Kim Kardashian look. DD1 sat her down in front of 'miss represention' on Netflix and she seemed to have changed her view after that.

chocolatelife · 02/05/2015 15:11

what is weird gas lighting?

chocolatelife · 02/05/2015 15:12

it is a very stressful time, dd didnt even enjoy the day, the build up and the dress and shoes and everything was far more exciting.

strawberry01 · 02/05/2015 15:13

Maybe she wants to go with her friends. I understand that you'd like to make a nice day of it choosing together but she might just not want to.

Original poster
SouthWestmom · 02/05/2015 15:16

No definitely not with her friends - I have no idea what's going on tbh. She is under pressure to look good I suppose - she is just beginning to do modelling - maybe she's worried about that?

OP posts:
measles64 · 02/05/2015 15:16

Sitting here shouting at teenage son who has 3 subjects to revise for mocks next week. Wondering if I should just take all technology off him and throw it in a sink full of hot water. So stressed.... Teenagers really are a pain in the butt. Angry

Original poster
SouthWestmom · 02/05/2015 15:17

Btw thank you all - this board is very kind.
Gas lighting is reframing events to make the other person doubt what happened.

OP posts:
Original poster
SouthWestmom · 02/05/2015 15:22

Oh yes we have GCSEs too. And I recognise the buying stuff and then finding out they hate it. We have several shoes etc and Blazers that have never been worn

OP posts:
jeee · 02/05/2015 15:25

I tend to think that my children should disappoint me on occasion. After all, it's not their job to provide me with permanent boasting rights.

And if your dd has managed to disappoint you purely because she's not overly keen on prom dress shopping, I'd say she's probably practically perfect.

TeenAndTween · 02/05/2015 20:05

She might be getting stressed about GCSEs; now that May has arrived they are really close. DD says the teachers at school keep going on and on about how important they are and they need to work really hard etc etc. I'm spending a lot of effort to lower stress levels as when they get too high she can't work so it's all a bit counter-productive.

(We got DDs dress pre-owned from ebay at Christmas.)

Original poster
SouthWestmom · 02/05/2015 20:33

Yes it might be the gcses, just disappointed that something nice went sour

OP posts:
Travelledtheworld · 02/05/2015 23:48

I am in the same situation. DD spent weeks researching prom dresses on the Internet. I refuse to buy online. Tell her she has to try things on. So we go to lovely shop in nearest city, try on loads, find three she likes ( all,far too expensive IMO) but she doesn't want to buy one of those.

Since then she has shown no interest in the prom at all and will not discuss it.

My theory is that the whole dress/ shoes/ hair thing is too much now and she is just in denial about the whole event. [SIGH]. GCSE's in 10 days too.

Leeds2 · 02/05/2015 23:51

Would there be time to go after the GCSEs have finished? Or is it on the day of the final exam?

Gibble1 · 02/05/2015 23:57

My DD does stuff like this. Only year 8 but today's gaslight ing is that whenever we go out, nobody includes her in conversation (she was walking along a canal towpath reading a book on her phone!) but she then changed that to we all bully her when we are together (she wears skinny jeans which won't stay up as they are too small but she says they're too big) sigh.

cathyandclaire · 04/05/2015 11:52

I know sometimes (and my DDs are the same) i just don't feel good enough for trying on dresses and looking in the mirror and assessing myself. I may be bloated, spotty or just feeling crap about myself. DD1 barely comes out of pyjamas or a men's Matalan tracksuit at exam time, she's clean but that's as far as grooming goes. Maybe your DD was feeling bleuuurgh but being a teenager had a strop instead of asking if you could go another day.

CamelHump · 04/05/2015 11:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlpacaMyBags · 04/05/2015 11:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Littleham · 04/05/2015 12:07

I've got two daughters going to prom this year (year 11 and year 13). I gave them a budget & drove to the largest shopping centre. Then I parked myself in a lovely coffee shop / went shopping by myself and asked them to text me when they had found their favourite top three choices.

At that point we met up and they tried the dresses on to show me. The top choices were both beautiful so I bought them. Happy all round and much less stressful! Smile

chocolatelife · 04/05/2015 12:46

good idea littleham

which shops did you buy from?

RobynClare23 · 09/05/2015 13:36

There is book called Girls uninterrupted, it is a great insight into this crazy prom machine we and our daughters have been caught up.

Original poster
SouthWestmom · 09/05/2015 14:06

Gosh thank you this just popped up again. If there were two (Shock) I would love to do the shopping centre idea. And yes, it may have been period/fat/spotty day that affected it all. It just feels very tense and silly and there are lots of rules I don't understand like x is wearing navy so she can't. But they are all wearing simple so she can't do frills. And my taste is so far removed from hers it's hard.

OP posts:
Littleham · 09/05/2015 15:34

Maybe you could recruit one of her friends for a trip to the shopping centre? She would probably enjoy it.

My two got their dresses from high street shops & they were quite reasonable prices. They don't have to get on the band wagon of super expensive dresses. Mine went for short dresses which can be re-used for a number of other purposes.