DS aged 14- how can I make him understand??

[Thistle72]

I've been reading these posts for a while looking for inspiration. Decided to join and ask for some advice to all you agony aunties out there!!!
My son is 15 on Friday he is a bit shy but once at ease he is funny and outgoing. He is also under confident and very much follows the lead. His dad and I aren't together but have a good friendship. He goes to his dad's at the weekend which is another town and here at the week for school. His friends here are not naughty boys but are making themselves a nuisance with the local constabulary. My son has had a letter sent through from the police about anti social behaviour, I've called them and really my son was on a roof getting a ball down but because he was with these boys were also present he has been tarred with the same brush. I understand that and I know what you're all thinking keep him away from these boys but it's not as easy as that. And due to my son being a follower he doesn't have the skill set to say no. I'm grounding him at the moment but he's annoyed that he only went up for the ball. He is doing well at school and attend Air Cadets so should know right from wrong. But peer pressure is a force to be reckoned with!!!
Any suggestions?

Start with stopping to make excuses for him in your own mind?

Being a "follower" does not absolve him from blame, if he is in any way involved in anti social behaviour.

the thing about him being shy, yet in trouble with the constabulary and climbing on roofs somehow doesn't gell.

Let him take the consequences for his actions.

I am sure he is a lovely boy and not really any trouble, I don't doubt you, I am just giving the outsider perspective. As that may be helpful?

Harsh but so true, absolutely agree with ganoush.

Thanks for your reply babyGanoush, I know that I make excuses for him but he is my darling son. I want to protect him, I worry about it a lot. I don't want him hanging round with these boys but he sees it differently and have no doubt that he loves being part of that group. He becomes a person he's not and he's happy with that. I'm not completely deluded.
But I need some practical ideas/ advice on how/if I tackle this but also to keep me sane until he gains sense.

Getting a ball down? I don't believe that. Do you really? A bit like my db convinced my mum he was 'looking after' the cigarettes for someone else

Unfortunately true, I spoke to the Safer Environent agency who deal with ASB. Apparently a member of the public had called the police about my son being on the roof so the police went. But they had got the ball and returned to the field with it.
I understand that my son would be annoyed at that, surely we've all been in that roof getting a ball down. But in this situation it was recorded in CCTV and the boys including my son was identified. The woman I spoke to even said it was nothing to worry about and had he been with other boys there would have been no letter but because he was with those boys he got one.

youngest DS is easily led so is DH so I understand your concerns. At least you've had some informal positive messages that he wasn't doing anything truly antisocial.

I'd end up harping on about the same msg as what others said: "If other people have daft ideas don't just do what they do, I expect you to think for yourself; you do the right thing no matter what other people think is ok."

Also, we live in a super unforgiving age; a simple caution for trespassing at age 13 could prevent them from getting certain jobs in 40-50 yrs. It's a crazy system, but that's how things are. I can't stop giving that modern-life-is-unforgiving msg to DC. Applies to social media too, of course.