A little bit of help with a brewing eating disorder with DD2, 12

[snigger]

Worried, but trying not to make a 'thing' out of it, about DD2.

We're going through a major change at the moment, moving house, jobs, schools. We discussed it with the girls before making the decision and tried to make sure they felt like they had input and some degree of choice about what was happening.

Anyway, DD2, who has always been a tiny bit faddy with food, has developed an alarming issue.

She can't swallow her food. She chews and chews and chews - even something soft and simple like poached egg, but spits it into a napkin. Strangely, she can wolf sweets, ice cream, pizza at a friends house etc but at our sit-down family evening meal, she struggles.

I've spoken to her one-to-one and she acknowledges she's a bit stressed about the move but not hugely. We've tried not to make an issue of it at the dinner table as I can't see that helping, but she's starting to lose weight and that upsets me as I struggled with bulimia as a teenager and I hate to see her relationship with food become a matter of stress.

Any experience out there of similar, and any tips?

I don't want to invoke the GP at this stage if I can help it as we are days away from moving so my known and trusted GPs will not be on hand and I'd rather at least meet the new GP before trotting in with this.

She needs counselling. This needs to be nipped in the bud before it gets more ingrained. Please talk to school about getting a counsellor or take her to your GP. But push for one.

I'd get her someone outside the family to talk to, pronto. If you can afford it, ask for local recommendations for private therapists with ED specialisms. Just because things can take an age through GP/CAHMs and it sounds as though she's already really struggling if she can't swallow.

You sound lovely to be so concerned and you have some experience of how quickly these destructive things take hold.

Hope that things settle down soon for your family and all the best to you.

urgent gp appointment

I find it really hard to eat when I'm stressed.
Maybe just encourage her to eat little bits of something appealing when she feels hungry but take the pressure off having to eat at mealtimes.

If I'm honest it sounds like she doesn't want to swallow rather than can't? Is it possible she's throwing up the pizza and stuff but can't at your house?
Definitely talk to someone yourself before trying to help - if you aren't saying/doing the right thing it won't help.
Try Young Minds? And your GP for phone advice?

I would want to chat to GP.
Also, just because stress is part, doesn't mean it's only a stress thing.
My cousin was accused of anorexia for decades because of a swallowing problem.
Turned out that she had a massive (otherwise benign) growth wrapped around her oesophagus.
The pain of all those yrs being pressured about eating has stayed with her, though.

Thanks for the responses.

As per Noeuf's post, I know I could easily say or do something well-meaning that could make things worse.

Thank you also for the suggestion regarding Young Minds - I hadn't heard of them and they have a helpline so I'll call and see what they suggest.

Thanks also those who suggested pushing for counselling - we're fortunate enough that we could certainly afford private therapy so I'll take BuriedSardine's advice and see what's available near our new home so that she has someone neutral to talk it through with.

In view of ragged's post, I'll see how she gets on with counselling in the short term but if there's no impact I'll bear in mind to follow up with the GP on the basis of possible physical factors.

Thanks again - I kind of needed someone to bounce this off to reassure me I wasn't making something out of nothing, and I wasn't sure what the next best steps would be, so cheers

Why does this stuff always happen when you're short on time and energy and stay awake nights as a result worrying you're botching it?

Hope you're sleeping better, awful that unravelling feeling. Do make sure you look after your own wellbeing too, perhaps try some guided meditation to relax and spend time doing things you enjoy so that all your energy doesn't go into worrying about something you can't control.

Easier said than done and for you.

I had a friend at school who became scared of swallowing. We were about 13/14. It lasted for about a year if I recall. She was a very anxious child and I think this was part of her neuroses. She went to see a counsellor and it was eventually resolved. In her case it wasn't a fear of getting fat but just of swallowing. I think she thought she'd choke.