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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Does anyone else's DC say they not interested in all the social media stuff? My DD 13yr feels left out and fed up.

16 replies

shadypines · 20/04/2015 20:07

Hi all, first day back at school today and DD, 13yrs, comes home moaning she hates break time. When asked why she says all the girls talk about is twitter, instagram and FB and she is just not interested. Her main interest is books and art, and she is keen on her karate club. She says she feels like she was born in the wrong era and should have been born in 1950's!

I suggested she try and start up some sort of interest club at lunchtime but she looked horrified. Any ideas? Anyone else got a DC similar?

OP posts:
JaWellNoFine · 20/04/2015 20:59

Hi Shadypines
I have no advise as DD is one of 'those' girls. Bumping though as someone else may be able to help.

JaWellNoFine · 20/04/2015 21:01

advice * Wink

Idontseeanydragons · 20/04/2015 21:52

Hi, DS is pretty much the same. He has FB but rarely bothers with it (his mate set it up for him) - the last time he left his phone to charge he had over 100 notifications.. Shock
I don't really have any advice as such, he's happy the way he is and tends to just zone out when his mates start talking about whatever they've seen on Instagram or whatever.

marialuisa · 21/04/2015 09:42

Are they talking about videos they have watched or things about their days that they have posted to each other? My DD's group do not do the thing where they follow people like Zoella on Youtube but they do run their social lives through social media. If it's the latter then it would probably be easier if your DD were to engage a bit so that she doesn't miss out on invitations to meet up and do things.

starfish4 · 21/04/2015 14:29

My DD is exactly the same, just not interested in social media or even modern technology! She won't even use her mobile phone - got the school to phone me a couple of months ago about something! Having said this, my DD is on instagram - rarely goes on it, but can easily join in if she's at a loose end and keeps her in the loop with the others during the holidays. If your DD is interested in books, it might be worth going to the school library a few times - my DD says you often see the same children in there and the chances are they're like minded if they're looking at books regularly. Are there any lunchtime clubs she'd be interested in trying?

By now she's probably got her main group of friends, but I know at my DD's school many of the groups sit together and the main topic isn't always social media - tell your DD to listen out for those who don't join in.

shadypines · 21/04/2015 20:22

Thanks for these replies all. Maria she says they are just looking at pictures people have posted and stuff like that, she just finds it boring. She is not the best mixer as it is, when she was younger she would talk to anyone but this suddenly stopped when she hit around 7 or 8 yrs and finds it hard to start conversations.

I have advised her that she will not be the only one not that interested but others might not admit to it and want to be part of the group. Also advised her to look at lunchtime clubs or start one but up to now falling on deaf ears. I think if she could get together with another child to talk about books she would be in seventh heaven. She does sometimes go in the library at lunch.

Thanks again for the replies and support, always appreciated.

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mathanxiety · 25/04/2015 04:24

My 13 yo likes books, art, etc too and has no FB or any other accounts.

However, she asked me if she could have a Pinterest account, and she loves it. DD(16) has one too and also loves it.

Youngest DD has given up on the FB/Instagram crowd. She reads at home and has a kindle.

One thing I did with DD1 when she was a tween was get involved in a mother/daughter book club that was great fun and had about six regular member pairs. Maybe cast around in your local area for something of that nature or put up a sign on your local library noticeboard asking for other interested people to join. It is really hard for teens to start something up that goes against the tide in school so maybe casting your net wider and finding kindred spirits in the community apart from school might be the way to go?

Or would she be interested in a book blog or some sort of blog like Tavi Gevinson's? Not as fashion oriented necessarily, but something creative and online that teens might be interested in sharing? Online activity doesn't have to mean following the herd.

Howcanitbe · 25/04/2015 08:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shadypines · 26/04/2015 18:37

Than you both, some good ideas and advice, I will look at the pinterest thing Math, can you give me a brief idea of what it is, well I sort of know but how does it work for/help your DD, what kind of things will she do on it?

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mathanxiety · 26/04/2015 19:33

Basically what it is is a forum where you can 'pin' photos to 'boards' that you create. The boards are like moodboards or idea boards.

Basically and very simply what you do is look through various categories and click on whatever interests you to get started, then create boards, and pin any pins that interest you, using the pin it button. There is a search function too. A search for strawberry ice cream, for instance, will yield many photos and recipes for strawberry ice cream from many different accounts. You can then pin away to your heart's content.

You can 'follow' someone's board or someone's entire account, and when they pin something it appears in your home feed. Likewise if someone follows you, your newest pins appear in theirs. DD3, DD4 and I follow each others' accounts and we comment on pins we all pin occasionally. It's a nice way to be able to keep up with each others' interests. The DDs tease me about all the recipes I have collected ('less collecting and more cooking please').

When you pin a pin you can edit the comment under it to give a better reflection of what it is. This can affect what search terms will pick it up. You can also comment on someone else's pin in a comment box and the pinner can read your comment and respond if they like.

On my Pinterest account I have I think about 45 boards so far including recipes for dinner, baking, desserts, a fashion board or two, boards on Dublin, the Baltic, Istanbul, all things Japanese, Scandinavian Christmas style and Scandinavian cuisine, a handy household tips board, one on embroidery and another on sewing/knitting/crocheting, one on gardening ideas, various artsy boards featuring arts I am interested in propaganda posters, photographs I like, book illustrations and one on tea paraphernalia, plus interior design, a board devoted to cakes, and a few history boards the Normans, etc. I also have a nerdy board featuring pins people think are Irish scenes but are internet and Pinterest hoaxes. (People seem ready to believe just about anything fanciful when it comes to what Ireland looks like).

I also have a board on vintage cars that unfortunately attracts the interest of some men whose boards feature images that are quite porny so beware of letting your DD set up any board that might attract the attention of men who like cars, motorbikes, tattoos, guns, crossbows, hunting, fishing, Japanese schoolgirls, lingerie, and other topics that could conceivably interest that sort of man. I would say from my own experience that one in ten of the male users of Pinterest have boards of that sort, sadly. However, anything objectionable you come across can be flagged and reported, and I have done just that when I come across material that I object to.

You can also block other specific pinners' access to your account.

I know making girls modify expressing what interests them in order to escape the interest of men who objectify women is a topsy turvy way to approach the problem, but I would prefer not to have the DDs exposed to that all the same.

DD4's interests lie in evening wear, jewellery, and shoes that are way too high, the Tudor period, American colonial days, Harry Potter and Paris, and she also has a board featuring cats, kittens, dogs and puppies and funny animal pictures.

DD3 likes fashion and animals, and also science, optical illusions and travel, and she has a humour board.

mathanxiety · 26/04/2015 19:47

I think what it does for DD4 especially is show her that she is not the only one who likes history, even though she doesn't bother commenting on other people's pins and doesn't respond if anyone comments on hers. She has been very encouraged to find she is not some sort of freak.

DD4 has expressed an interest in becoming a museum curator or some sort of work that involves historical costumes or furniture, etc. and I think I have Pinterest to thank for that thought of hers. It has also made the historical periods she is interested in come alive for her to a greater extent than just her reading might. She has branched out to look at Dutch painters recently, something she might not otherwise have bothered with, and is also finding Islamic art interesting.

Pinning in general provides a nice way for the DDs and me to keep up with each others' interests and what we like, fashion wise, what we consider funny or interesting, etc.

Some of DD3's friends have Pinterest accounts and they keep up with each others' interests there.

It's not a place to gossip about other people or make plans to go out to a film, just to focus on your interests.

enderwoman · 26/04/2015 19:48

My 14 year old son and his friends aren't interested in social networking. They occasionally text each other but it's rare and short.
Does she watch YouTube or Vines? My dd basically watches those instead of TV and a lot of teen banter happens through watching those.

enderwoman · 26/04/2015 19:50

There are lots of lunchtime classes at our school like Zumba, origami, book club, photography club which is probably the best way to meet similar minded kids.

shadypines · 27/04/2015 14:44

Thanks Math for taking the trouble for that detailed post, that's great, I will perhaps gently suggest it to DD. It's good to hear of your DDs interests and that they are encouraged by it, I think my DD feels she is the only one who still likes Enid Blyton books!

And thanks for the warning...Japanese schoolgirls Shock Confused for the love of god.

Thankyou Ender yes she does prefer You tube to TV, I suppose it is the 21st century but I long for the days when everyone sat down and watched the same thing, as there was only 3 channels!!!

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Ferguson · 27/04/2015 19:50

ONLY THREE CHANNELS! Gosh, you must be getting on towards my generation. Oh! No: Sorry, I remember the third channel starting, and I used to cut evening class to see it!

shadypines - I think you should be GLAD that DD prefers to live in the 'real' world, rather than the shallow, unimaginative world of 'social media' (MN excluded, of course!)

In all probability, when the GCSE results are announced, DD will be well ahead of the 'social media' crowd.

Nothing wrong with Enid Blyton, but maybe suggest to her she tries all the Arthur Ransome books sometime; even earlier than '50s, but exciting stories with the added bonus of portraying life for children in the '30s. And in "Coot Club", set on the Norfolk Broads, children want to contact friends in a nearby town. They say as long as they post a letter before 10am, it will be delivered that afternoon by the Second Post! (Progress! What progress?)

And as she likes books AND art, see if you can find this book in a library. Or even buy it for a very special present (probably cheapest at The Book Depositary):

www.rorymcewen.com/

shadypines · 27/04/2015 21:49

Oooh Ferguson you impress me with I remember the third channel starting Shock, I can remember the 4th one and I thought that made me old!

I am glad she prefers the real world (apart from the books) and she does broaden her knowledge immensely with reading, only today she said how she could answer a question in Geography about the Amazon due to reading 'Journey to the River sea'. I just wish she had a similar friend. I will certainly look at those books you mentioned. Thank you and thanks all for your kind replies.

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