What would you do?

6 replies

Star5678 · 16/04/2015 16:50

Reposting here, hoping for more responses...

DD (15) is having best friend troubles at the moment. She used to go to primary school with this girl, but now they mostly talk on social media and see each other every few months. Both considered the other their best friend.

A month ago DD and her friend were talking, but she never replied to DD's last message (although it was 'seen').

Now, DD has OCD, and while her friend may not know this, at the very least she knows that DD has mental health issues.

Then, another week later, DD said her friend posted something on facebook indirectly about her, saying something along the lines of 'it's so annoying when people do XXX, I hate it so much. Like wth is wrong with you?' - DD says while she is not 100% sure it is about her, she definitely does the action that her friend mentioned, and she was extremely hurt that her friend posted this. She has never felt judged for her behaviors before by any of her friends, I think she is very shocked and hurt that her best friend would be the first/only person to do this.

Now DD's friend has recently made an instagram post thanking people for 1k, and she tagged all of her friends (including people less close to her than DD was/is), but DD was not included on this. DD feels very hurt by this, because although she was very upset by her friend, she still considered her a friend.

Should DD reach out to her friend again and say something? Or should she just let this one go? I'm not really sure how to advise her, perhaps it has all been a misunderstanding?

OP posts:

Rivercam · 16/04/2015 16:58

Maybe let this go - the Facebook comment may not be about her, and the non-tagging may be a mistake.

Why doesn't dd be pro-active - and co tact friend with something along the lines of 'haven't seen you for a while, 'let's go to the cinema/coffee/bowling/shopping...', and if you get no response, ask again, perhaps followed by a phone call.

Rivercam · 16/04/2015 16:59

Contact not co tact

chocoluvva · 17/04/2015 12:04

I agree - there's no point speculating.

FWIW - friendships at this stage are sometimes still a bit on/off - they're sometimes developing new interests and tastes; in music, clothes, lifestyles, ethics/politics

I used to remind my teens to be generous in their treatment of their peers as they are all changing such a lot and likely to find themselves in different groups when they get to Y12 and 13.

glittertits · 17/04/2015 12:13

Absolutely let it go. Your DD has no indication other than her own speculation that friend is pissed off with her. It could be anyone.

RibbonedandLaced · 17/04/2015 18:44

You could get your daughter to have a quick chat with her, just asking if she had done something to upset her as she was worried she had and hadn't meant to cause upset.

As for the Facebook post, teenagers seem to do this all of the time and I wouldn't necessarily say that it was about your daughter.

Try not to get too involved and just give little hints and advice here and there. Best of luck.

anthropology · 17/04/2015 19:33

I agree with not getting involved . It's a really difficult age, especially if like mine, your DD has mental health issues, which may affect how she sometimes interacts . My DDs friendship group did shift around this age as some of her friends (and their parents) backed off . If this particular girl is not sensitive to your DD's issues (if thats what she is referring to) wiser not to waste time and help your Dd widen her friendship circles perhaps ? In sixth form it was much easier and peers much kinder.Just assure her that some friendships grow and some don't last. It sounds like most of her friends have been supportive, which is great.

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