Drink

[fatherfurlong]

Advice please! My son is 17 and we had no problems with him. He recently split up with a girlfriend he had for a year who we all liked she would spend the night here with him in his room and we were Ok with that. He was upset when they split up (her decision not his) and I hoped that now he would have time to revise for his A levels coming up soon. In the last month he has met another girl and last night she came over. He said they had no plans to go out and would it be alright to have a bottle of wine. I said OK as I know he drinks when he goes to a party and me and hubby enjoy a glass in the evening. However to my horror this morning I realised that as well as downing the bottle I gave them they had polished off an additional 2 and a half bottles so she must have brought 3 with her!!! This is not normal behaviour. The previous girl I never saw drink and if a male friend comes round my son and his friend may have a can of cider or at the very most 2 and this is only occasionally.
I obviously can't frisk the the girl and check her bag when she comes here but I have told my son I don't want them to drink that amount again and if I find out that they have she will not be welcome in this house again. I also will tell her face to face when she next comes. I don't want to humiliate my son but I would rather confront her now so she knows where she stands if she expects to come back here again.
Advice please.......

Advice - say NOTHING. You obviously don't have a problem with him and his friends drinking in your house, so as an adult which he pretty much is, it's not really your place to comment on the quantity they drink.

I would comment, nearly 4 bottles of wine is a lot. It's one thing to drink moderately and responsibly. A lot depends on the frequency, once may be down to them being nervous, if it happens too often that's on the way to a problem.

I would comment too, and is she driving ?

Really? You'd tell a guest how much they're allowed to drink in your house?

If they were getting drunk, yes. If they were underage, yes.

They are both coming up to 18 and even a guest of my own age I would tell them to stop as this is too much. Their bodies are still developing. If I buy a bottle it lasts me 4 nights and at a recent check up for myself I was told to cut back! If you take 3 bottles for just a quiet night in with one other you'd need a wheelbarrow if you were going to a party. My gut feeling is telling me it is wrong and I think therefore I will follow my insticts. Maybe her parents have different rules but for me personally it is wrong. I would much rather them exhaust themselves with sex than drink to such excess and it is excessive.

It could have just been a silly one off for her (do you know she brought all 3 bottles or could your DS have got one himself or "borrowed" another of yours? It is a lot and they must have felt it the next day. I would comment privately to DS and tell him how you feel but I would not confront the girl at this stage. Maybe it was nerves and they both got a bit carried away (haven't we all with booze at some stage especially when young). Saying something to her would be embarrassing for your DS and might cause a row about you saying something to her not about the drink and behaviour (iyswim)
I'm not saying she was right but just I think it is sometimes much better to hold off from what you want to say/do and revisit if necessary eg it happens again. Just have a frank talk to DS and tell him to lay off the drink til at least his exams are over and that even an adult more used to drink would consider what they had as over the top. We have just had our first brush with alcohol with our 16yo DD2 and I must say I'm not looking forward to any more. Eldest DD was never a drinker and just has occasional one with her friends (she's 18 next month) Think DD2 will be worse.
We have said no to parties till exams are over now but I realise your DS is older and it is probably a bit harder to ban the booze. I bet he knows himself it was OTT

I have had a word with son, told him on no account do I want them drinking this much again or I will speak to the girl and tell her in no uncertain terms that she is not welcome here if she does it again. I am hoping he will relay this back to her say what a f**ing nightmare I am as a parent bad mouth me behind my back but heed my words and no more will be said.
He is coming up for exams so I don't want to cause any unplesantness or atmospheres at home as he is no bother. He has a lot of ground to make up with his exams as got poor results in AS's due to illness and complete lack of revision so don't want to do anything to rock boat now.