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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Dd (nearly 14) doesn't meet friends during holidays

34 replies

googlenut · 05/04/2015 21:28

Just wondering if I am worrying about nothing. Dd is nearly 14 and has two younger brothers of 12 and 10. She has always had a group of friends around her which have more or less remained the same since first school. She is very easy going, never any bother or difficulties with friendships. But during weekends and school holidays she doesn't really contact her friends or go out with them, except occasionally if
Someone else organises a shopping trip. She seems content to hang out with the family but at her age I had a sister close in age to confide in about the usual girly stuff. She just doesn't seem to have this and I worry something may be missing for her.
Anyone else with teenage girls who can identify/comment.

OP posts:
Goodbetterbest · 06/04/2015 18:00

My 13 yo DS is the same. I spoke to his form teacher and she was really surprised I was concerned. Apparently he's got loads of friends at school, and is one of the gang.
Also, I wonder if social media/games serves that purpose too? DS plays an speaks to his mates on the xbox so I suppose that does him. I'd rather he was out in the park or something - I was desperate to be given freedom at that age, but he just isn't fussed.

Takver · 06/04/2015 19:06

DD's very much the same - I think she finds school a real people overload, and just needs downtime on her own in the holidays.

She turned down two sleepover invites this holiday, in fact (partly because we had family visiting, but if she'd been keener to go we could have worked round it & changed days.)

unlucky83 · 06/04/2015 19:21

DD (14) also like this - and she is almost surgically attached to her laptop. I struggle to get her out of the house full stop (She literally hasn't stepped out the door since she got home on Thur pm).
Every family thing suggested is boring (DD2 is 8 so big age difference) - and she will only meet up with friends etc if there is something planned...
I asked her yesterday what her friends were up to over the holidays and she told me they were all away -then later said she was going on a walk today...I was Hmm
This morning at about 9.50 she got up and shot into the bathroom - then (I was on the phone to my dad) she started screeching at me for her phone (I take it and her laptop off her at night or she'll never go to sleep) -where is it, I need it now etc...turns out she had arranged the walk with 3 friends (who aren't actually away) and they were supposed to meet at 10am... this was 5 past ...she was too late (surely they'd wait), it was all my fault for not waking her up etc etc. Hmm Then later she said only two of them had made it another hadn't woken up in time either so they were going later ...she hasn't left the house all day again...
I think at this age you are best just to step back and smile and leave them to it...

Howcanitbe · 08/04/2015 10:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Poppydoll1 · 09/04/2015 23:21

I've only just joined as I felt totally on my own about feeling like this and it's been going round and round my head for days. My dd hasnt seen her friends during the holidays at all. Some of the time she has had to come to work with me but I wouldn't stop her from seeing her friends (she's in a group of three and the other two have gone out) however my dd seems happy in her own space and spending time with us and being at home.. She too is happy at school all but a small mo or fall out, and is happy in herself,. I'm wondering if I'm making too much in my head over it all. I'm petrified of her being lonely and have no friends

choirmumoftwo · 09/04/2015 23:29

My dd is 13 and very similar, but partly because she's at boarding school (though fairly local) so her friends aren't on the doorstep. She has no interest in social media eithet. DS is almost 16 and is the same, though uses a lot of social media. They're both happy, well adjusted and popular at school so I don't worry. I know I won't have their company for ever@

Howcanitbe · 10/04/2015 09:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Delilahfandango · 10/04/2015 09:32

My daughter was much the same. She's 19 now and away at uni, where she has an excellent social life. She's home for Easter and has hardly been out. Although the social media communication is constant. We are very rural which doesn't help and she is working during the day.

mistymeanour · 11/04/2015 09:58

This is good to here. I'm a real homebody and never feel lonely or bored when on my own. My 3 youngest children 12-19 rarely go out after school or holidays/weekends and are always busy writing fanfiction, playing DS/console games together. They say they are happy and prefer spending time at home as other friends don't have the same interests. My two eldest are social bees (at uni now, so not often home).

However, their dad is obsessed by how "dysfunctional" he thinks spending all this time at home is. The children are in their bedrooms more now rather than spending time downstairs to avoid him. I've tried to reason with him and shown him stuff on Highly Sensitive children etc. to no avail. The situation has been exacerbated by a parents evening at school where a teacher commented that our youngest had responded when asked "what he liked doing best in the world" with "being at home with my family" and she thought this was "strange".

Have anyone had to tackle this - did they do it successfully?

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