DD18 possibly depressed??

[musicnightelf]

Hi - first time posting so please forgive me for any mistakes
My DD 18 has seemed very down lately and following a very emotional outburst she has opened up to me about how she's been feeling lately. She told me that she doesn't see the point in life and that she has no purpose in the world. She achieves fairly high at school and has had a part time job for many months. However, she often talks about how she hates both of these things and when me and DH reply with "but you need good grades for university" or "but think of the money youre earning and what you can buy" she simply replies that she doesn't see the point in working all of her life for material goods or to go onto uni, then into a job constantly working to end up having what she feels will be a miserable life. She also has a large group of friends but feels she cannot connect with any of them on a personal level and finds it extremely difficult to make strong friendships.
There is no history of mental health in our family but since she was very young she has had a huge fear of death in scenarios such as crashes etc and often undertook repeated tasks to do what she thought would prevent these from happening to her or us.
She is not interested in drugs but drinks high levels of alcohol at parties as she feels she can connect with her peers in this way and become more confident in herself.
This has come as a shock to me as she has always seemed so happy and enthusiastic about life and I feel like a failure because she has been bottling up these emotions for so long. Is there any advice from anyone who has gone through this before or knows how to help her see the true value of her life? Obviously DH and I are letting her know how much we cherish her but I don't know if I should be worried for the state of her mental health

Morning Music

Not sure if I can offer any advice but I didn't want to just skip over this.

I have 2 dd's the eldest is 28 and the youngest 24. They are both totally different. With dd2 what you see is what you get...has always spoken her mind. Dd1 is a lot more reserved...holds things in and I never knew what way she would react to different situations.

4 years ago dd2 took an overdose...she was away at uni and I got the early morning call from the hospital. It was a complete shock. It was a difficult time for her...for us all.

We're through it now thank goodness. 4 years on and her life is completely different. She was struggling with uni...even though she was a high achiever before. Anyway she took some time off...about a year. Changed direction and is now settled in a job she loves.

Dd1 has had her moments too...endless calls with tears all over..."am I doing the right thing" "Mum, It's really hard" She has a degree and masters and has just started a new permanent job.

What I'm getting at is that it's stuff that we all go through I guess with our dc's. I think there's so much pressure put on our children these days that it's really hard for them.

Your ds knows you love and cherish her and that you want the best in life for her. Maybe she just needs to take some time out...can you support her for a while if she gives up her part time job. Does she have to go to uni...she could defer for a year or two...sometimes uni is less daunting for someone a little older rather than at 18. Maybe your dd needs a few different life experiences before she decides what path she wants her life to take. There's nothing wrong with being confused with life at her age.

Oh...and the drinking is normal stuff too. It was drugs too with my dd.
At least you're talking to each other...that's really good. We don't always like what our dc's tell us and need to learn different ways to handle the stuff we don't want to hear. It's bloody hard at times. It may help you to help her if you have someone in RL to discuss your concerns with. I do know that there are agencies out there that help young adults.

Try not to worry too much...it doesn't matter at what pace things are done...I'm sure your dd will get there in the end.

I hope some of this helps...in the mean time I'm here for some hand holding.

Hi musicnightelf
Sorry to hear about what is happening to a once 'happy and enthusiastic about life DD' It seems that she's is going through a phase which needs to be addressed early to avoid the situation spiralling out of control.

The fact that she doesn't see the point in life and also feel no purpose in the world shows the need to sort out her emotional well being first.Maybe you need to find out;
-whether she is eating a well balanced diet with plenty of fruits and vegetables - which will help stabilize her body and give her more energy.

• whether she has enough sleep. This will calm her down and prevent moodiness.
• whether she does physical exercise frequently. Regular exercise has been proven to ease sleeping problem, alleviate the negativity mood and provide a feel good factor.
• whether the friends she hangs around with, are a positive influence to her.Good friends will motivate and encourage her to achieve and aspire higher in life.

Once she's done the above listed things, her whole outlook towards life will change. She will will see the importance of getting good grades for university, get a decent job, earn good money which will give her a financial freedom to buy the things she's always wanted to buy.
She will have enough confident to connect with her peers without relying on drinking high levels of alcohol since she will be experiencing a true feeling of liking and valuing herself.
With a continuing moral support from you, I hope she will come out of this situation sooner.

There are online questionnaires she could fill out if she thinks she might be depressed. If that flags up anything she could talk to her GP about how she's feeling.

Hi. It's very common to feel odd, weird, different or no connection to people at her age. Sometimes people feel they are a spectator rather than living the life others fo. However she appears to have some compulsive tendencies which will make her feel low. If she has a constant fear it must make you feel unhappy a lot.
Don't panic too much about the binge drinking this is not ideal but very common. They all seem to do something like this at that age.
I would however take her to you gp about her anxieties. Please don't think they will go away because they may not. Intervention can help her hugely. It's fine to get outside support it maybe all it needs.

She sounds just like me when I was 17. It was such a relief when my mum suggested I might be depressed... I was sure something was wrong but, like so many things, unless you've experienced it you don't know!

My mum took me to our gp, who was lovely and checked out all sorts of physical things to ensure I wasn't anaemic/having thyroid troubles/ pregnant (I was still a virgin and mortified by this suggestion!!). In the end I was prescribed seroxat which is a major no-no now, but it did the job for me at the time and I felt much "happier" for a good long time.

I have struggled again with depression since but that reasonably early diagnosis meant that I recognise the signs when it comes back now so it has made things easier.

I hope your dd is finding life kinder soon.

Might be helpful to have a look at the YoungMinds website.

Thank-you everyone for your replies! Sorry for getting back to you so late - hectic easter with lots of family over.
She does lead a very healthy lifestyle with balanced diet and exercise so it can't be to do with that.
Her exams are in the next couple of months but after that she will have an extended summer due to leaving school with lots of exciting things to do (school prom, family holiday & her first holiday away with friends - a week of me being a nervous wreck!) so hopefully this will allow her to relax and connect more with her friends.
In the meantime I'll take her to our gp to see if there's any advice he can offer us.
Being a teenager definitely seems a lot harder than in my days!!