Taking friends on family holiday

[OvertiredandConfused]

DD is 13 and in year 9. She's asked if her best friend - who we like and who is a pleasure to be around - can join us on holiday at the end of May.

It's in the UK and logistically possible in terms of accommodation etc although they may need to travel there by train - 3.5 hour journey on a direct train. They can come back with us in the car.

DS is 11 (year 7) and has a few friends from previous holidays who will definitely be there this year. We can't invite a friend for him too and he doesn't seem bothered.

Interested in views as to whether this is a good or crazy idea. And, if we do invite her does that mean we have to absorb all the costs of an extra one (meals out, surf lessons etc) or could we expect / ask for a nominal contribution? Happy either way but we won't have any more cash to spend than usual so what we do have would need to cover three children rather than two.

Normally id expect to cover everything but usually the child will have been sent with enough money to treat everyone for dinner one night or something similar.

Even if it is a bit more skint than usual the dcs will have fun with their assorted friends so it'll be worth it

Last time we did this I asked her parents friends to send enough money for surf lessons and they sent some money for the kitty, which I just put towards shopping. We then paid for everything, meals out etc... Seemed easier that way.

I think if you invite a child you expect to cover all basic food and drink and living expenses. However if surf lessons are a big part I think it would be ok to ask the parents if they could send money for those.

But it has to be part of the very first conversation , before they say 'yes', so that they are not put in an awkward situation, and only if you are confident that they wouldn't be financially embarrassed by such a suggestion.

We've done this. Everyone had a great time! The hosting family should pay costs. If there are specific optional extras you could tell the in advance of a decision being made re then coming. Also worth ringing parents before telling your daughter yes, so that they don't end up with their daughter pressuring/half information/your daughter getting over excited or disappointed.

You can do it any way round, but just be clear in the initial invitation......

dd would like your dd to come with us - it's possible in terms of accommodation and we are happy to have her company, but we do tend to 'treat' ourselves quite a bit on our holidays, so if we had an extra child there, they would need to cover the extras such as £x for surf lessons and maybe £y for this or that day out and perhaps £Z for meals out, etc..... Also, we can't get her there, but there's a direct train line and we'd meet her at the station.....would your dd like to come?

They can then decide if they have £X+Y+Z to treat their dd to come away with you, and if they were happy with the solo train journey.

Thanks everyone - pretty much what I thought but wanted to check as this is new stage for us!

BackforGood I would suggest DD and friend get the train together. It's only £17 and I'm sure it'd be more fun that way.