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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

GOD WHAT IS IT WITH MEN

25 replies

runkid · 31/10/2006 20:57

Finally told dd's dad that she was pregnant and all he kept saying was you need to tell her how bad it will be for her at her age. She needs to have a termination make sure you do this make sure you do that and tell her its ok to have a termination she is not going to have a life she is only fourteen.
She doesnt know whats good for her etc etc ect
No offer of support at all.
DD wont have anything to do with her dad i might add

OP posts:

Original poster

runkid · 31/10/2006 21:02

Wasnt sure where to put this perhaps should have put it in parenting.
He thinks i should be able to make her have termination and the decision should not be hers

OP posts:

razna · 31/10/2006 21:03

what is happening is some one having an abortion coz that is just wrong

slaughterfalls · 31/10/2006 21:04

Was that his reaction when he was first told? If so you may find he has a different view when he has had time to get used to the idea.

Original poster

runkid · 31/10/2006 21:07

No he knew before i talked to him his parents told him he asked them to get me to contact him i left it for a while so he had calmed down

OP posts:

LoveMyGirls · 31/10/2006 21:12

what do you think of the situation, how does your dd feel?

LoveMyGirls · 31/10/2006 21:13

are you prepared to help her until she's older and more able to cope?

Original poster

runkid · 31/10/2006 21:14

I want my dd to be happy she has had lots of problems i cant force her into something she doesnt want to do it wouldnt be right.
It might not be what i wanted for my dd right now but ultimately it his her decision

OP posts:

Original poster

runkid · 31/10/2006 21:15

Ive always helped her and will continue to do so. I love her very much and will do my best to support her

OP posts:

LoveMyGirls · 31/10/2006 21:17

what does she want to do?

Original poster

runkid · 31/10/2006 21:24

She wants to keep the baby. Im fine with that as long as she understands its for life.
Just needed to off load because his family and mine dont get on and they always say if he had been involved this wouldnt have happened etc
They all wanted me to terminate dd and i was 25

OP posts:

winnie · 31/10/2006 21:46

runkid, I get the impression from other threads that he is part of the problem for dd.
It doesn't sound like he has any idea about being a parent but is extremely good at telling you how to be! I am for you and dd. You need support in order to support dd not sh*te from him. No wonder dd doesn't want to have anything to do with him.

LoveMyGirls · 31/10/2006 21:47

i was 16 when i got pg im almost 25 now and dont regret keeping my gorgeous baby but i do regret being so young, i think it was the best thing that could have happened to me because i was going down hill and dd1 made me stop and think about my life and what i was doing to my parents.
i could have used more support sometimes though. i would have liked the chance to be a young woman sometimes instead of just a single teenage mum. i hated the way my 1st pg was seen as such a tradgedy instead of a celebration, i felt like i had to be happy in silence because whenever i mentioned the baby i got told what a waste my life was.
my life isnt a waste, so i spent less time going out getting wasted, sometimes i feel like i missed what my friends all had, i was jelous they got to be free and i wasn't i cant change that, i gained a hell of a lot more than i lost imo.

i've still had bits of freedom here and there i'll never know what it's like to be an adult without children. my children are my world you don't have to in your mid 20's (for eg) to enjoy becoming a mother for the first time.

having a baby isnt the end of your life. i had an "excuse" to let my life be crap, it isn't and im more determined than i ever would have been had i not had children at a young age. i've gained alot more life expereince, am a lot less naieve and i have alot to offer my children.

when im 40 they will be 23 and 17 i'll have been able to spend the vast majority of my young, healthy life with my children.

LoveMyGirls · 31/10/2006 21:48

your dd obviously has been brought up well enough to know when someone has something to offer her.

winnie · 31/10/2006 21:52

lovemygirls, lovely post

Original poster

runkid · 31/10/2006 21:56

LMG im hoping too that this baby will stop my dd's decline and im sure she will be a great mum and i want to be happy for her so much.

Winnie yes her dad is good at telling me what i should do i only told him because i thought he should know. his parents are just has bad i just dont no what to think anymore i have so many people telling me what to do all the time im sick of it i just cant get anything right

OP posts:

LoveMyGirls · 31/10/2006 22:05

thanks im glad i didnt choose to live my life and then have children i want to live my life with my children. im happy. i've been through alot i havent always been the best mum but im getting there.

Original poster

runkid · 31/10/2006 22:08

LMG im really pleased for you and i hope that you and your children continue to experience life together. Well done you

OP posts:

winnie · 31/10/2006 22:08

oh runkid, I know that feeling of everyone telling you what you should and shouldn't be doing re dd. It is such hard work. It challenges everything that one believes in at times. I know it has made my guilt over dd even greater and made me doubly question my parenting skills. It has such a detrimental impact as even simple parenting decisions that one has been making for years can end up scrutinised. You are being a good Mum. Don't forget it. YOu are there for dd when others would not have been (her dad for instance). Stick to your instincts and try not to be swayed by others criticisms.

Original poster

runkid · 31/10/2006 22:09

Oh thats sounds patronising but its not supposed to be

OP posts:

LoveMyGirls · 31/10/2006 22:09

i hope your dd is ok and that she can be happy too. she will need you and you sound like a very loving mother so im sure she will have a great role model.

LoveMyGirls · 31/10/2006 22:10

meant to say she has a great role model

Original poster

runkid · 31/10/2006 22:12

Thanx Winnie im trying i think ive forgotton who and what i am ive been doing what people suggest i do for so long ive lost touch with myself

OP posts:

webcrone · 31/10/2006 22:14

runkid, it's easy for people to say what they would do and tell you what they think you should do when they're not in the situation themselves and never have been. There are many situations where we just don't know what we'd do, or what we're capable of, until they actually happen. I've faced a few myself. Anyway, what's happening may not be what you wanted or expected for dd, and it's truly admirable that you are able to see beyond that and do what you consider to be the right thing for you and for your daughter. That's the only right there is - so just keep holding on to that. It's a lesson I wish I'd learned a long time ago - I paid far too much attention to what other people told me was the right thing to do, for far too long. Never again.

Original poster

runkid · 31/10/2006 22:26

Good advice webcrone. Secretly im quite excited about being a nana. Just fed up today with his family and him making me feel like shit and making out things would be sorted if he was here throwing his weight around

OP posts:

webcrone · 31/10/2006 22:45

Don't let 'em get to you! The last 'real' conversation I had with ex-h (?) was when one of my boys was in deep trouble and I was truly desperate. I went to see him and ask for some help (it took some guts!). He told me it was all my fault, that I should never have broken up the family, and that I could deal with it because I had clearly spoiled 'his boys' - this from a man I had lived apart from for nearly 10 years, who was violent and unpredictable, and who refused to see his kids for 6 months after we left because he was too upset, and from whom I have had not a single penny in 15 years.

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