16 yo refusing to go to dad's for holidays

9 replies

chaos1234 · 26/03/2015 04:36

Hi everyone , I'm just after advice on how to best approach an issue I'm having with my 16 yo son , he lives with me full time along with my 17 yo stepson the problem I'm having with him is he doesn't want to go to his dad's anymore for part of the holidays , I know his dad wants him to go and misses him and I strongly believe he should spend time with his dad , I'm wondering if I should make him go ( he will hate me at the time but will get over it ) or should I not force the issue and let him enjoy his holidays with his mates ? I will admit a break would be nice for a few days , My partner is nagging me about it and saying I should make him go yet when I ask what plans he has for his son to see his mother I get told because his son works ( he works with his dad ) it's up to his son to make plans now , I guess I'm a bit pissed off because it seems I have to get my boy out of the house to give us a break yet his son doesn't have to go and I don't want my son feeling like why do I have to go yet step brother doesn't !! Morally I know my boy should spend time with his dad and I know it's normal for teenagers to want to hang with mates not there parents , should I make him go ? Please keep in mind that his dad is a 2 1/2 hour drive away so holidays is the only time they can see each other

OP posts:

AlpacaMyBags · 26/03/2015 07:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlternativeTentacles · 26/03/2015 07:58

After 16 they can make their own minds up, surely?

eyebags63 · 26/03/2015 11:46

The work issue is a red herring. Does your partner find your son hard work and not get along?

I think at 16 he can make his own mind up. It is a shame if he doesn't want to spend time with his dad but I think 16 is past the age where as the resident parent you have to force the issue. If he were 8 it would be different.

LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 26/03/2015 11:51

Contact with the absent parent is always for the benefit of the child, not for the other parent. He's old enough to make his own decisions.

Whitehydrangea · 26/03/2015 11:55

I'm guessing the issue with going to visit is that whilst he is there he is too far away to still see his mates etc. Whilst it wouldn't solve the problem of him being at home, could Dad not come to visit him locally. Have you mentioned it to his Dad and asked him what he wants to do? If DSC didn't want to visit H would be really upset - but we travel to them rather than them travelling to us so they can still carry on as usual with work/mates etc.

The situation with your partner though doesn't sound fair. You can't have one rule for one and not the other. If his son is allowed to stay then so should yours. Stand your ground and stick up for your son.

googoodolly · 26/03/2015 15:52

I think at 16 it's his decision as to whether he sees his dad or not, your DP and stepson are a separate issue.

Northernparent68 · 26/03/2015 19:38

is it the left of time he supposed to go to his fathers the problem ? A compromise might be to spend one day a week at his dad's rather than a longer period.

He is old enough to make up his own mind, but he is also old enough to know that life is nt just about him, and sometimes you have to take other people feelings into account.

CalicoBlue · 26/03/2015 19:38

I would let him sort it out with his Dad.

I have had almost the same conversation with my DS 17, asking if he is going with his sister to his Dads for the second week of Easter, he has not decided yet!

Though his Dad only lives around the corner so they do see each other a fair bit, but DS has not spent a night at his Dads in over 6 months.

Leeds2 · 26/03/2015 20:04

I think it is up to your DS to decide. But I would encourage him to spend at least a weekend with his dad. And maybe dad could visit local to your home, so that he sees DS during the day/before he goes out with his mates in the evening.

Flip