CHALLENGING TEENAGERS!

[JKMUM999]

Hi Fellow Mums. Have you experienced a challenging teenager?? Did you

think you were the only mum going through those difficulties, and despair of

your lovely youngster reaching adulthood safely? Did you think all of your

friends’ children, were just sailing through adolescence, with not a raised

voice or swear word to be heard? I did, and with shiny brass knobs on!! Mine

is now 29 and near perfect! How I wish I’d known that he’d morph into this

delightful young man at the time. I could have avoided all of that trauma, all

of those sleepless nights!!

We’re now 5 years’ on, and my experiences have sent me on a path of

studying the subject in depth! I would love you to share your experiences with

me – son or daughter, age irrelevant, past or present, and even better if you

could include their perception of these times too.

Feel free to use different names/locations.

Very many thanks, and look forward to comparing notes!!!!!

do you only have one, op?

I need advice about siblings......

when do they start getting on?

Hi Challenged Mums. Just reading the different posts, so, so relate to all in one way or another! Really would never try to advise anyone on their teenager, and if I learnt just one thing from my DS, nothing worked until HE was ready to change!!! All the advice, self-help 'bibles', forums, (whilst they all have a value), they can never tell you how YOUR teenager will react to implementing their advice!!

My DS now tells me there was NOTHING I could have done, NOTHING, to change his behaviour at that time!! How I wish I'd known!! I can only offer anyone hope, light at the end of the tunnel, that with the fundamentals in place, love, security, values etc, your teenager WILL eventually find THEIR way! I love talking to my DS about those times now, and it never ceases to amaze me how differently we viewed them!! I went through a period of being scared of him, that he could possibly be violent - even to the point of locking my bedroom door! When I told him this, he was absolutely horrified that I could ever have believed he would hurt me!!

I always knew he loved me, even during the worst times, as little flickers of his lovely side would come through now and again. He just seemed to have such conflict with caring for me, and his hatred for any authority or restrictions I imposed on him. We have a huge mutual respect now, (maybe I'll see if I can get him to post a paragraph), and whilst we still have defined roles of parent/child, we have a real, genuine friendship. We laugh so much, and I so value that after our 'dark' years!!! Hang in there!! Share your experiences with other mums, forums, anything! It's no reflection on your parenting, and you won't feel so alone and isolated knowing others are awake half the night too!

Oh well, off for a good night's sleep now!! Can these days!!!!

I want to know, why is ds, aged 16, so bloody selfish?? its all about him and what he wants , he hardly seems to notice the rest of us and moan if we get in his way

why cant he see this is bloody annoying

Its 6 weeks since we cracked down on DD with curfews, no phone overnight on school days etc and tbh things are not really much better in our house as far as having a family life is concerned. Seems like DD just lives in our house like a lodger.

She is sticking to the curfews (usually a few mins late but I am not fussing about that) but I'm having to ask her about 6 times to hand over the phone before she reluctantly does. But she is still up in her room all the time, when she is not out with friends, and has no interest in anything but herself and how things impact on her and having fun.

I have bought books on parenting too and have trawled through the internet for tips on how to handle things. I dont understand how she can just have no feelings for her family. She really doesnt.

I just cant wait for things to get better but I fear that its in her nature and she will remain like this. Do I just give up and wait for her to change? I fear it will be a long time before that happens :(

I have three kids, two of them are teens and one is a preteen. In many ways they are perfect kids. Reading some books about teens I realized that maybe I should be happy because compared to some of those kids, mine looked like angels. However, there are still struggles. When they were babies I could never think of them growing up and leaving, I would cry forever just thinking about separating. Nowadays, and I told my husband this morning, I am looking forward to them growing up and leaving. This phase we are in right now is draining the life out of me.. If I want to hug or kiss them, they will not let me, if I want to talk to them, they will not listen, they are always grumpy and in a bad mood, they never smile, and do not want to do much with me anymore. It is almost like I live with total strangers. Very challenging

livoutloud I know the feeling. I never would have thought I would be longing for my DD to move out but the constant battles are just too much. Mine does not want anything to do with me unless its for her benefit. Refused to come on a family lunch yesterday but is quite happy to accept the money her granny sent her, even though she cant be bothered to see her! We have resorted to communicating by text just lately as any conversations just end up in an argument with DD flouncing off and me ending up on the verge of tears out of sheer frustration.

It certainly is challenging.

I can so relate to all you are saying. its like having a lodger here too. no input, no respect, no manners, no nice words unless she wants her pocket money. up until all hours, but in bed half the day, will only talking about herself, coming down for supper when I'm going to bed and the dishwashers already on, shitty with her sister, moody, lies, cheats, thinks she knows it all, spends all day and night in her room only coming down when she wants feeding, keeps her room like a shit tip, gives me clean clothes back to wash as she chucks everything on the floor so doesn't know what's clean and what's dirty. I could go on and on and on now I've started

Gymbob, you really made me laugh out loud, exactly what I have in my house. Most of the time I feel sorry for my own self. Not only that I do mostly everything in the house, but I spend most of my waking hours thinking about my kids and their benefits, but at the end of the day I feel like they do not give a damn.

We have "Don't nag me about homework, I know what needs to be done"
"how much have you done in the first half of the holidays?"

"nothing - stop nagging, you always go on about me doing nothing"

ziiiiiiiiipppp the mouth and raise an eyebrow and retreat - trying new tactics.

she woke me up at 2 am this morning, on her phone talking on hands free to her mate and laughing out loud.

course she's in the land of nod now, well she will be if my radio isn't disturbing her. I do hope I haven't got it on too loud as she sleeps right above it

8pm phone curfew here - after one too many weeping and wailing sessions due to tiredness/selfishness/friends having nowt to say other than be mean to each other... has made for lighter evenings!

it's a 9pm curfew here, but I agreed to relax for the holidays only if she was responsible she hasn't surfaced yet!

Reading this thread reminded me of an article I read about surviving teenage girls and it really made me laugh and learn. If you're struggling with the hormones then this might give a moment of respite! standardissuemagazine.com/lifestyle/surviving-teenage-girls/

very funny. particularly like the bit about teenage girls being able to smell a new beauty product from the bus stop.

I've long since stopped leaving my products in the bathroom. trouble is I don't really want them in my bedroom either. I have to carry them back and forth and my bedroom is cluttered

My dd is 15 and very challenging. Just to complicate matters she has AS. I tend to over think a lot of her behaviours and put them down to her AS.

Reading some of these posts makes me realise that a lot of it is normal teen behaviour which, odd as it may sound, makes me feel better!

I mostly feel very isolated, like I'm the only one going through this. Of course I'm not.

thornrose, my eldest dd is 16 and is very difficult. she has autistic traits and is additionally disabled.

the one I'm referring to on this thread is the younger one who is 15.

feel free to pm me

Have to say, wish I'd been able to read some of this stuff before going through the teenage insanity years with my DS!! I'm having a cheeky chuckle now and then reading your experiences, love the humour too!!! Now that I know he's sane and normal, and that I didn't end up having either him or me, committed, I'm so enjoying motherhood!!!! He's 24, and everything I could want in a son!! From 10-19yrs he was hell on legs, hated me and the world, and do you know, I wouldn't trade 10 years of my age, (in spite of serious gravity issues), if I had to go through that again!!! I don't think I could drink that much gin again - my anaesthetic of choice at that time!!!! Just sooooo worth it in the end! :-)

Can so relate to all of this. Have 15 yr old DD and 17 yr old DS. They are constantly angry or withdrawn, demanding but ungrateful.......today my DS shouted at me that I'd warped his personality by making him go to church (he stopped going 3 years ago but apparently has brooded ever since). It is sad when you look back and remember happier times. I cling to the hope that it will all come good in time!