Homework and teens

[PingPongBat]

What age do you / did you just leave your teens to get on with their homework, in terms of propmting them to get it done, & not allowing them to do other things (e.g. computer games etc) until it's done?

We have a teen who has, in the last couple of weeks, ended up doing homework after 11.00pm, but had been on his PC playing games & Skyping his girlfriend for hours after school / early evening.

DH is minded to leave DS to it, let him organise himself & go to bed when he feels like it. I'm still itching to prompt him about homework, & go to bed at a reasonable time. As DS is in Year 10 homework is often preparing for GCSE assessments so it's important that it gets done on time, & that he doesn't do it so late at night when he (by his own admission) is struggling to concentrate.

Would be interested to hear what others think and how it works in your house. Thanks

Once my oldest went to high school (aged 12) I made it clear that she was responsible for making sure homework was done and also that she had what she needed for school. When she got to 15 I told her she could go to bed when she wants but she has to get up for school. She stayed up late for a while but a couple of years on she's learned to sleep earlier and she's on top of her studies.

Put the responsibility in their hands and if need be, let them learn the hard way through detentions. I told my dd if she got detention she'd also be grounded/phone removed.

My youngest is 9 and its still a battle ground getting her to sit and do it but she will be given the same options and responsibility as the oldest. I do not want to be hand holding and double checking when they are adults.

I have twins - ds has always been more challenging. Used to find homework with ds to be very painful but I have always made it clear that they are at school to work for themselves, not me and not the teacher, I have rammed it home that education gives them options and opportunities and leaving hard work till they are 18 is too late.
Year 6 was when we started getting homework done before anything else, with the aim of getting into a good routine for Year 7. In year 6, I'd insist that when they wanted my help, they'd ask me in a way that suggested I was doing them a favour, it was their homework, not mine. I was advised by other parents not to get involved in with homework or organising them everyday for school so when year 7 arrived the expectation was their homework was their responsibility and their detention if it wasn't done.
Ds has had a couple of detentions, he's more disorganised but he has learned his lesson, dd hasn't had any, she's a hard worker and she's finding secondary school more motivating than primary - the teachers seem to appreciate her effort more.
They get occassional rewards for working hard but they are not regular and there is no if you do well you'll get a reward....it's more after they've done something like getting through a hard time with a subject, showing initiative, being brave when dealing with a difficult teacher...they'll often be surprised at the things I value.
So I find there is no need to nag about homework and I'm so very glad about that, but we have screen time limits and early bedtimes which help.

I think it's good to allow your dc to fail, but it's best to get it out of the way before it really matters, waiting till they are doing major exams is not great but then when you have left it for so long when do you allow it to happen?
I watched my Dmum go on and on at my brother who had no interest in school....he wasn't motivated in the slightest...he runs his own business now, very successful, very motivated and very wealthy....school just wasn't his thing.

I see it as still my job to stay alive to those periods when motivation drops and act accordingly - yy to this. That strikes a chord with me. We talk a lot about the other people at school who do not work hard, & how their choices may be limited when they leave school as a result.

Sorry your DD has lots to cope with Bunbaker, hope she is OK. Friendship issues for girls at this age are a nightmare , I can't imagine how hard it must be to be a teenage girl these days, so much pressure compared to when I grew up.

Sconess what sort of rewards do you give them? We’ve got into the habit of a reward at the end of the school year, if they get a good report (which they always have done, so far), but I like the idea of impromptu rewards which they aren’t expecting. DD has started asking me in advance what they are going to get at the end of the summer term

DD is younger (yr 8), and definitely neither organised nor self motivated. The rule here is: so long as you don't get any notes in your planner, homework is your business. If you do get a note in your planner, then for the next week homework has to be done straight away the night it is set.

(Not always 100% enforced if there are extenuating circumstances - eg I happen to know she did it and took it in, teacher was away, and then it was asked for a fortnight later.)

Rewards are often food themed - milkshake, hot choc....or I'll get them a cake, sometimes it's a trip to the cinema, staying up late, movie night, shopping trip, Xbox game. We have an end of term trip to a local restaurant but it isn't related to a good report, it's just to celebrate the end of term.

Thanks Sconess I will steal most of those ideas