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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

My heart sinks when ds(16) says hes going out on a saturday night

46 replies

ssd · 14/03/2015 17:41

I wish he'd stay in, I wish he was little and stayed in and watched Ant and Dec with us

I trust him, hes a great boy, but hes 16 nearly 17 and its scary.

God knows what its like out there now.

OP posts:

Newyearsunresolutions · 15/03/2015 17:36

After waiting at the station for over an hr I had a drunken phone call saying he was trying to get the last train. He managed to get on it and I went back to the station at midnight to collect him. Was not happy.

Original poster

ssd · 15/03/2015 21:37

I wondered too chiefbrody...

OP posts:

chiefbrody · 16/03/2015 08:00

I wondered what sort of parent does not worry at all......

JohnFarleysRuskin · 16/03/2015 08:02

You're trying to cast aspersions over people who worry less than you?

Charming.

SoonToBeSix · 16/03/2015 08:05

At 16 you do t have to let your child go to town at night or friends houses they don't know. My eldest dd is 16 she goes to friends houses that we know. Or dropped of and picked up at cinema etc but not town that's for adults in a Saturday night.

TickleMyTitsTillFriday · 16/03/2015 08:07

Oh Chief Brody, don't be a massive dick. Why would you want to make someone feel bad for not worrying enough about their kids?!

Doggonefool · 16/03/2015 08:10

My parents did the "can't sleep until you get home" thing. It was really really annoying.

I would have much preferred parents that worried less because they trusted me more.

TickleMyTitsTillFriday · 16/03/2015 08:12

I try not to worry. I really do. But I think because my DD is my eldest I am going to worry because it's all new to me. I also constantly question myself whether I am giving her too much freedom or not enough!

Hakluyt · 16/03/2015 08:14

I think at 16 you still need to know where they are.

OllyBJolly · 16/03/2015 08:18

I have a 22 year old that left to go to Australia at 17 and has been away from home travelling or studying since then. She can look after herself and I really have no worries about her.

When she's home, as she was this weekend, and goes out, I really can't sleep until I know she's home safe and sound. Completely irrational - she was in far more danger in Thailand or Vietnam or Toronto or New York than in our little town.

thenextday · 16/03/2015 11:14

Oh do piss off chiefbrody with your PA comments.

Maybe I feel confident I have instilled confidence and independence in my children and don't need to lie awake panicking.
They have phones...they're hardly trekking through the wilds of Borneo.
Maybe letting them walk to school in yr 4 and making their own sandwiches for school at 10 would make you wonder too.

Mumblechum1 · 16/03/2015 11:43

Best thing my ds ever did was aged 15 when he flew to the States alone (inc changing planes), met up with a mate whose older brother dropped them in the Rockies with a tent, a canoe and a fishing line and they camped miles from anywhere with no one around for a week.

After learning how to fish, how to suspend food boxes out of reach of bears and surviving altitude sickness he came back a much more resourceful person.

The older brother told them they could use his satellite phone to call him if they had an emergency such as a broken leg but that was it, no adults around for backup.

(I knew nothing of this till he got back - I would have been having kittens).

After that I never worried about him really, esp now he's 20 and a trained soldier and black belt in karate.

BearFeet · 16/03/2015 11:43

When mine grow up I want to be like you thenextday

thenextday · 16/03/2015 11:47

bearfeet lol
I'm not saying I've never worried..dd has severe anxiety and ocd...but Now they are older that angst has gone.
You have to hope they make the right choices, that you have instilled in them a moral code and responsibility.

Dd should get her predicted a level grades to go to uni..but I can't worry about it. There is nothing I can do.

I can't imagine ever worrying about them as adults when they make a car journey. What good does it do?

BearFeet · 16/03/2015 13:52

My dm is a born worrier and it does get on my nerves a bit. She once rang on a Sunday morning at 10. Couldn't get hold of us on home phone or either mobile so was waiting on the doorstep for us at about 12.30 as of course we'd probably had a car crash and died!! Not the more logical explanation that we'd gone swimming and forgotten to take one of our phones.
We laugh about it now but I just won't be like that with mine. Ps I was 40 at the time

What do they say about worrying, it can't alter the future but I can make today more stressful.

Newyearsunresolutions · 16/03/2015 14:53

I try not to worry but I can't help it.

mathanxiety · 16/03/2015 17:29

I do a lot of worrying, but they are not learning much about themselves or life in general sitting at home (trying to find the silver lining...). I would worry more if they left home to go to university without being able to manage friendships and social life and homework and whatever pressures they encounter without the experience of fending for themselves socially while teens.

But that doesn't stop me from sitting up and I like them to check in at midnight to tell me what their plans are for getting home. I also have a pick people up with no questions asked policy if they phone and ask for a lift.

chiefbrody · 16/03/2015 17:33

I have pissed off...........

thenextday · 16/03/2015 22:32

Still like the name chiefbrody

chiefbrody · 17/03/2015 17:37

stellarossa · 23/03/2015 20:50

Can you have occasional nights in - my 16 and 18 year old both love a pizza and film night with me once a month (although I often have to watch their choice of film). I worry when they are out, but find if I invite a friend over that makes it easier - something to keep me busy.

Sometimes I go out too so they can have friends over - I like to meet their friends before I go out, just so I know about more about who they are with and what they might be doing.

Mainly I really really really do not want them to be doing half the things I was going at their age!

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