DS (13) has stolen money from me

[InRecovery]

I am furious.

Back story. He missed his friend's party as he was unwell, I said he could still give his friend some birthday money (£10 which seems to be the usual amount). I said I would give it to him as soon as he has written out a card for his friend. DS utterly refused to write out a card. We had a few arguments along the lines of:

DS "But I told him I was bringing in his birthday money"
Me - "Well write out the card and I will go to the cash point and get it for you".
DS "No, I'm not going to do a card".
Me - "Well I am not giving you the money then".

At which point the argument goes circular and DS would return to his original point that he told his friend he was bringing in birthday money to school. Therefore I never ended up giving him the money.

Fast forward a week (this time last week to be precise), and I left my purse at home while I went out. DS was home at the time. There was £140 in cash to pay for something specific in £20s, £10s, and £5s.
The next day I went to check the cash before I paid and realised it was £20 short.
That evening I asked DS whether he had moved my purse etc, could it have fallen out anywhere. DS said he knew nothing about it. It did vaguely pass through my head that he could have taken it but I didn't think he really would.

This morning I had a text from the mother of the boy whose party DS missed saying 'sorry it is late but thank you so much for my DS's birthday money, that was very generous of you!'.

So, DS has stolen £20 from me, and given it to his friend! I am so furious it is unreal! Luckily DS had left for school by the time I got the text because I was in such a rage! I sent him a text telling him I now know what happened to my money, how disappointed I am in him, and that his games console is confiscated for at least a week. I was considering cathartic actions like taking a sledgehammer to the console but I have calmed down a bit and gone up to the local newsagents to enquire on his behalf if they have any paper rounds and do they take 13 year olds! (The person I need to talk to wasn't there). But my feeling now is that he needs to pay me back one way or another.

Still so angry! I actually feel really betrayed.

Any advice appreciated!

Well done !

Yesterday having admitted responsibility he went to the newsagents to introduce himself and came back saying it 'was really good'.

This morning - he came downstairs and started denying it all over again! I have just got my phone to send a text to the mother of his friend to confirm it was £20 and cancel this friend coming to stay in light of the fact DS stole to give money to him. (He is supposed to be coming to stay next month while his mum goes away for work for a few days, I don't know them and hadn't ever even met them when I was asked to do this, but she is also single and I know how it can make some work stuff hard so I said yes).

In light of me being about to send this DS started with 'please don't' etc but then tried to tell me he can pay me back out of his pocket money! Argh! Pocket money here is £2 and behaviour based so he can forget that, but I want to SEE my money back anyway. He has said all the right things to stop me sending the text but is still being a moody little sod (apparently it is my fault he can't find his gum shield right now).

The only reason I am loathe to send the text is that being known as a thief in school will be a seriously bad thing for him. He is not the most natural social person and that will ruin the friendships he has made for sure.

He has now just left for school having been told the text will be sent if I hear any more on this other than "I am so sorry", or, "here is some of your money back".

AAARRRRGGGGGGHHHH.

It pains me to admit this now but I once stole money from my mum when I was around 13 or 14, it was £50 to be exact, and to this day I don't know what possessed me to do it!!!!!!!. Of course she found out the very same day and I was in school. I remember getting a message in class to meet my mum after school, I knew straight away that she knew.
I met her and she frog marched me straight to the police station where I was given a right good telling off (which I most certainly deserved) I hadn't spent any of the money so I gave it straight back to her, needless to say I was grounded for a month, I had to hand over my Saturday job money for that month to her and she put a lock on her bedroom door so I couldn't go into it if she wasn't there.
To this day I feel shameful for what I did and still remember he hurt and disappointment my mum felt to know that I had done such a thing, it was more puzzling for the fact I didn't need the money for anything I just took it, I never took a penny from her again. You need your DS to realise that there are serious consequences for stealing. You should take all electrical consoles or internet access away from him, ground him to his room unless its to go to school, Most definitely cancel his friend staying over and threaten to cancel his school trip.......he doesn't sound like he's that remorseful in my opinion, he probably thinks you will calm down in a day or two and there will be no consequence for stealing from you and breaking your trust......maybe you should ring the local police station and ask if anyone would be available to give him a good talking to ?, it most definitely worked in my case

Hmm, I am willing to take him to the police station. This evening he came home telling me he has done very well in a test (great) then asked if I could buy something for him!!! I was going to take him to the police station there and then to get an idea of how serious this is.

DS had a massive tantrum, kept denying it, then bizarrely told me he asked his friend what money his Mum meant in the text - to which apparently his friend called him a dick??! And he is now saying he fell out with this friend weeks ago! What. The. Fuck. This gets weirder.