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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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I don't know how to help my son

9 replies

Sunnyliz1965 · 11/03/2015 11:17

My 17 year old son was diagnosed with clinical depression 3 months ago. He started camhs but it seems to have stopped. Yesterday I was called to his school as they were deeply worried for his safety. He told one of his friends that he was going to take all the pills he had managed to collect over the last few months. This morning I found his suicide note. I am so worried. We have managed to get an emergency appointment with camhs later today but I think he needs more than I can gve him at home. He won't talk with me or his older siblings.

OP posts:
InRecovery · 11/03/2015 11:44

How scary for you and your family, and your DS. Is he on any medication?

I can't really offer any fantastic words of wisdom or anything but I didn't want to read and run. I think you need to really state your case this afternoon and ensure that you get adequate support.

Is he still at school or is he home with you now?

InRecovery · 11/03/2015 11:44

How scary for you and your family, and your DS. Is he on any medication?

I can't really offer any fantastic words of wisdom or anything but I didn't want to read and run. I think you need to really state your case this afternoon and ensure that you get adequate support.

Is he still at school or is he home with you now?

SecretSquirrels · 11/03/2015 17:07

Please contact Papyrus

BeccaMumsnet · 11/03/2015 17:26

Hi there Sunnyliz1965. We're sorry your DS is going through this and we hope you are able to get help very soon.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources - here. You can also go to the Samaritans' website here, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well, which we can see you have already done.

All the best from MNHQ Flowers

tuttifrutti1964 · 15/03/2015 13:31

My heart is with you. We have been going through exactly the same as you over the last year with our DS.

Firstly, check that your DS is still registered with CAMHs as ours had 'accidentally' been taken off the list. Secondly, if ANY suggestion or hint of suicide take him to A/E immediately, especially if they won't talk to anyone in person or over the phone.
Ours felt suicidal and feared himself and what he might do to himself but refused to talk over the phone to the support line at 05:00hrs in the morning. I rushed him to A/E as advised by the support line and on call GP and he was seen within 1/2 hr by a hospital psychiatrist and urgent support put in place immediately. We had waited 7 months for help prior to this.

I'm not writing this to tell you my story but in hope that the process we went through may help you.
Firstly we encouraged him to tell his best friends and talk to them about how he was feeling,to leave us their contact numbers, and ask them to call us at anytime if either DS couldn't or they were concerned.
I have been shocked by how many teenagers have been depressed and had suicidal thoughts, however thankfully for us all his friends have been very understanding and supportive towards him. He must always tell us where and when he is going and give us an approximate return time so we do not worry.(We have stressed that it is not because we are checking up on him, just concerned if we don't have this info)

Reapplication for CAMHs was inappropriate for us, as our DS was 18yrs old therefore too old, so I made fortnightly visits to the GP to start and monitor medication/mood. He was then referred for fortnightly support for 3 weeks from the GP practice mental health nurse.
She advised I wrote a summary of how our he was from birth until today, ie behaviour, habits, attitudes, learning capabilities etc.I have always had concerns (all very subtle signs)re behaviour, coping at school and learning accumen-DS struggled through school and left with no GCSE'S all of which were ignored by all.

She referred us to a psychologist who found my summary enlightening.
We have now been told, that our DS should have received support years ago as his depression is now deep rooted and has many underlying issues and that there are signs of undiagnosed autism and ADHD which are the likely causes for the depression and suicidal thoughts.
He has now been referred for numerous assessments in a variety of areas (and I have been referred for carers support) and his mood has lifted considerably just from the fact that, in his words
'Hallelujah, I knew something was wrong, at last someone is listening'.

I have cried nearly every day as I feel so helpless and lost, as I'm sure you do too. There seems very little support for any of us at this crossroads and what support there is is short and not necessarily with people that have gone through what we have, so I hope me writing this helps you in knowing that I know how you feel.

I'm not saying that your DS has the same issues as mine, what I am saying though is just let them know that you love them with all your heart, especially when it seems they are not listening to you, and no matter what, you will fight with every ounce of your breath to support them and try and find out what can be done to help.
My relationship with mine is so much stronger now, and although ,at times, he still struggles to explain how he is feeling, for the 1st time in a year he said 'Mum, I love you, thank you for helping me'. That's why we must fight through our own personal battles and focus on them.

It's worth life itself!

If you wish to chat further please don't hesitate in letting me know.

LadyBlaBlah · 15/03/2015 20:06

There is an organisation called Papyrus who deal with preventing suicide in young people. They have a helpline for you to call and they may be able to advise.

I know you are taking this seriously, and please do. My friend lost her 14 year old son to suicide 4 weeks ago and it is literally the worst thing on earth.

www.papyrus-uk.org/

anthropology · 15/03/2015 21:28

sunnyliz, I am so sorry this is happening. My DD was much younger when we went through this. Try, however difficult, to be clear, calm and practical when dealing with your son. Papyrus website gives some help on questions to ask regarding his suicidal intent, as you dont want to push him away but talking about it is important . If he is under 18, camhs needs to help, if he has been seeing them. Be very clear about the seriousness of his intent. If you don't feel you can keep him safe, ask camhs to consider if he needs to go to an adolescent psychiatric unit. A and E is your other option, but if he will see camhs urgently, and goes in voluntarily it is generally a better route . If he is suicidal an inpatient unit, however scary, may be the safest place if they can offer him a space. Many mums on here have this experience, but when you child is so unwell you have to watch them 24/7, time in hospital, gives them and the family time to regroup and medication etc can help start talking therapies.

Samaritans will talk to him, or you as a safe place to say anything, but they dont offer advice I found the difficulty is a very depressed teen doesnt want to talk to anyone and the only practical help you can access in crisis, is camhs or A and E unless camhs have a crisis team who will come to you.

tuttis fruttis advice to keep telling him you love him, no matter what is happening and you will work together to get support and her advice about keeping notes etc. It may take a while to start to understand what has contributed to this terribile situation, and its not that he won't, he probably cant talk to anyone yet, as he doesnt understand why he feels as he does, but many families do come out the other side . My DD was very very scared when she was in dark place and pushed everyone away, and didn't know how to get back, but she did, thankfully, so please stay hopeful and fight for professional support .

Carambar · 15/03/2015 21:33

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anthropology · 15/03/2015 21:44

sunnyliz noticed the date posted was a few days ago. I hope you were given help.

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