son gives up,everytime something requires effort.

[caringdad66]

Take his football team,for example,if they go a goal behind,he just gives up,soul's and is eventually substituted.If they go a goal up,he tries desperately to get another goal and is often man of match.
His bedroom can be untidy.When asked to tidy it he will tackle it with gusto ,as long as it's only mildly untidy.If it's a complete jobsite he says he can't do it,and just refuses.
At school he will work well,until a slight obstacle is put in his way,he then gives up,refuses to carry on and sulks!!!
Where do you all think this is leading? How can a quitter possibly hold down a job? Or for that matter stick at a worthwhile relationship?
Should add that he is 13 yrs old,obsessed with x box,and has plenty of mates.
What can I do to build character and resilience? Or do I accept him for the way he is?

I would buy a copy of the book mindsets by Carol Dweck and take her advice.

Thanks,will do that

I guess he must stick at the things that are important to him - he is probably pretty good at gaming despite, presumably, failing and losing many times before beginning to master a game.

So he already understands that practice leads to improvement, and effort is usually rewarded. Can you find more experiences and activities that will reinforce this? Point it out when you see it demonstrated in others? Set him up for hard work with something like the Duke of Edinburgh Award Scheme?

My guess is that he backs away from those jobs that look like a lot of effort for little gain. The reward of a tidy bedroom is not equal to the effort of clearing it up when it's very messy. The effort of playing to the best of his ability has only a slim chance of reward if they're already a goal down.

IME he sounds typical of many boys his age. Keep modelling the behaviour you want and he'll come good when he needs to. My DH was a thoroughly idle teen but started working hard in his first job because the rewards were desirable to him - money, promotion, respect. Your DS is just being selective about where he expends his energy, he knows what to do.

Great post,thanks