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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

15 year old son always forgetting stuff etc etc

17 replies

freakazoidroid · 26/02/2015 07:43

I just need some opinions ??
My ds is 15 and this morning forgot his bus pass . He had 3 things to do this morning , get up , brush teeth and get himself ready - I woke him up and hasn't brushed teeth!
I drive him to bus stop - in the car announced he doesn't have his pass!! I get very angry! He is supposed to get his bags etc ready night before.
I still have to remind him to brush his teeth at night!!
Yesterday we had a big argument about brushing his teeth in the morning- he didn't do them today!!
So I have made him walk back to the bus stop ( about a mile away) and wait for the next bus - he will be late for school . Of course he is having a melt down !!

The teeth brush happens all the time , bus pass has happened twice before,
Have I done the right thing ??? Please any advice!!! ????

OP posts:

PacificDogwood · 26/02/2015 07:47

Read 'Blame My Brain' - an excellent book explaining really well that the rewiring in the teenaged brain in more complex and far-reaching than in a baby's first year

There are good reasons for why he forgets like he does.
I think you dealt with it well in that he received a 'natural consequence' of his forgetting (he had to walk to the busstop and will be late for school). You may need to learn to not get angry - easier said than done.

dingit · 26/02/2015 07:48

I wish I knew the answer! Ds left his school shoes in the PE changing rooms just before half term. We are still trying to find them. If it couldn't get any worse, he lost his wallet during half term.

TheFirstOfHerName · 26/02/2015 07:49

I also have a very absent minded 15 year old boy.

Try to stay calm.
Natural consequences as you have done.
You can try suggesting organisational strategies, e.g. put a list of things to remember on the inside of the front door

dingit · 26/02/2015 07:50

Oh and don't get me started on teeth brushing. He has a brace, and gets a bollocking from his orthodontist every. single. time.

outtolunchagain · 26/02/2015 07:56

Our orthodontist was terrifying when ds3 had just a tiny bit is plaque , he scared the wits out of me , it included horrific photos . Apparently he is ruthless , two reminders and he takes the brace off , no exceptionsProblem sorted with ds .

ssd · 26/02/2015 08:00

my 52 year old dh is like this

Fadingmemory · 26/02/2015 08:02

Put a notice which says BUS PASS on the inside of the door that he uses to exit the house and make it clear that every time he forgets it he will be late for school. Do not let the school try to hold you responsible. He is old enough to do so himself.

unlucky83 · 26/02/2015 08:34

My DD1 (just 14) is like this - (just diagnosed with ADHD)...was worse a few years ago, better recently ....we have been getting strategies in place to help her but she also has to take responsibility for herself.
Teeth I don't remind her anymore - DP had a big fight with me about it - in a couple of years she will be having to, they are her teeth she has one set for life and if she doesn't look after them - I don't have to live with the consequences, she does. The dentist did have a go and she got fluoride toothpaste etc - so far are teeth are fine (no fillings) ...and she does seem to do them more regularly now...(this morning she was asking me where her toothbrush was -the answer to that is where you left it!!)

Losing and forgetting things ... she lost 3 coats and 6 school jumpers in her first year! endless plastic home econ tubs, 2 bus passes and a young person's card (library card and they can put money on for school lunches etc). Mobile phone 5 times (cheap one we got it back every time bar once) - she now has a better one (still not a mega expensive one - £70 - told her even that was flushing money down the toilet as she wouldn't get it back if she lost it) and she has managed to not lose it for almost a year - mainly cos she is glued to it -listening to music when not in school.

She now doesn't wear a coat, just a blazer. She keeps everything in her blazer pockets and they don't come out except for washing. I check her pockets and often find things in there I should have been given - letter from school, or things she should have handed into school - everything from her pockets goes in a plastic tub near the door when it is being washed.

She's had a cheque to pay for her school trip in her blazer pocket all week...it HAS to be in by tomorrow. I've reminded her everyday - if she forgets and can't go on the trip I'll have lost £100 deposit ...but she will suffer more not being to go - be gutted - and looking at the positive I will save several hundred not having to pay for the rest of the trip....

chocoluvva · 26/02/2015 09:26

Same here . Infuriating though it is, I agree that getting angry doesn't help.

Original poster

freakazoidroid · 26/02/2015 09:49

Thanks for your replies- we really are at our wits end! We try hard not to get angry but it's so hard when he just seems incapable of the smallest things- but always remembers to charge phones!

OP posts:

chocoluvva · 26/02/2015 11:32

I understand. It makes such a lot of needless extra work for us. Not being funny, but, you know how most people thrive on encouragement? Always having his phone charged is a good thing - I know it's mostly for his benefit but imagine if he didn't and you couldn't get hold of him... Praise him for being organised with his phone and perhaps he might extend his extremely limited organisational skills to other stuff. Worth a try - I mean he's probably so used to having people complain at him that it's like water off a duck's back - and/or it confirms his belief that he's useless at being organised and becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy IYSWIM.

Never ever joke about it in front of other people or act as if you expect him not to remember to hand stuff in etc. It's a problem for him as well as for you.

pasanda · 26/02/2015 12:02

I have a ds (13) just the same.

Tuesday evening, after much nagging by me, he eventually got his cookery stuff weighed and ready to go the next morning. I put it in the fridge overnight, I got it out, I put it in a bag and then I hung it on the door handle he uses to exit the house. Guess what….he forgot it. Despite opening the door himself!

I am finding myself getting more and more pissed off with this inability to engage his brain. I fear he will always be like this, even as a grown man.

Why could I not have a ds who was 'committed' (like the son of a friend I bumped into the other day, who delighted in telling me about the 'commitment' of her son to school work and who was at that moment in time at home redoing his timetable print out!) That would never happen in a million years.

However….. I am going to try and stop stressing for a bit and just help him along with his organising. I have also written a list of the basics of what I expect him to do every evening. I have read Blame my Brain and found it really useful - they really can't help lots of what they do don't do

You have my sympathy!

eyebags63 · 27/02/2015 15:06

pasanda
"Why could I not have a ds who was 'committed' (like the son of a friend I bumped into the other day, who delighted in telling me about the 'commitment' of her son to school work and who was at that moment in time at home redoing his timetable print out!)"

You you believe that bollocks, really? That is parental stealth-boasting... he was most likely at home playing on the X-box!

ssd · 27/02/2015 19:28

lo at the mum boasting that her son was at home redoing his timetable, this is actually hilarious!

pasanda · 27/02/2015 22:06

Knowing the boy, it doesn't surprise me! They don't own a TV, and certainly not an x-box!

3catsandcounting · 28/02/2015 08:52

Some kids are very good at creating elaborate timetables and revision strategies - and never actually doing anything with them!
My DD17 forgot to go to her A level mock exam last week. I got a call from the Head asking where she was; she was eventually found having a nice cup of tea in the common room.

specialsubject · 28/02/2015 20:06

not charging the phone inconveniences him.

everything else inconveniences you but not him.

time to change that!

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