NEET...what do they do all day?

[fifietta]

Anyone else have a teen who's dropped out of 6th form and has no motivation to do anything? My DD, nearly 17, dropped out at the end of her first term after a difficult time, which I fully supported. It was framed as 'deferring'.

She has got, through friends, a great job which is 1-2 days a week in term time (so infrequent) and the idea was that she'd apply for next September to do a course better suited to her. Anyway, she's attended only one out of four interviews - a lot to do with the fact that they require her to prepare something beforehand and she hasn't (although she won't admit it). She says she doesn't care about education, has never liked school and yet she wants to move out and get a flat.

She has a history of depression and of course this situation has not helped that as, although she has friends, they're all getting on with their education and of course she's not socialising with other students.

It's SO hard to be patient and she is SO rude to me, not answering when I speak to her and spending her entire life looking at her phone screen or the TV and eating endless junk food which she spends all her earning on. None of this can be helping her mental state....

Shared experiences please. I need some hope for her future.

Sorry, no experience at all, mine is y11.

I may be asking the obvious, but have you considered an Apprenticeship? On the job training, money in pocket, qualification at the end.

Otherwise I think I would maybe be insisting on volunteering in a charity shop 2 days a week.

Oh, and charge rent.

I thought the law now states that she has to be doing something until she is 18 so dropping isn't an option unless she has something to go to.

Rules in this house are that in full time education we do not charge keep - leave and you start paying.

My DD hated college - we said all along if she was unhappy she could leave but not until she had a full-time job to go to. Stayed for the two years in the end

There's no teeth in the law about education until 18; it's a paper mouse.

She's not a true NEET is she OP? If she has some earnings?

I had a teen like this. With connexions help we got her onto a Princes Trust 12 week course which really helped her mood, and gave her work experience. There were various courses available - some young people did loads of them, and they were focused on NEETs so were supportive.

I do not allow NEET teens ( I foster) to have wifi or watch tv during the day. They usually end up going to the library which at least gets them up and out. But I do find nurturing ( even if inwardly frustrated/ cross) is the best way. Be living in them helps them believe in themselves x

Thanks everyone. No she is not strictly speaking a NEET, but similar and I hoped I'd get some thoughts by using that term.

I'm a single parent and she has had difficulties with school for years. ChillySundays she is not that co-operative and has a history of depression, she really doesn't see the future and consequences, so the 'rules' do not always work. As escondida said, there is no enforcement of the law, as exemplified by the very high numbers of teenagers who drop out of 6th form and then do nothing. By the way I'm taking a percentage of her very low earnings as rent.

I looked at apprenticeships when she first left school, thinking that she could do one for a year and then start education again but there was honestly hardly anything available and most were for 18+.

Yuleloglatte I'll definitely look into the Prince's Trust -thank you. I am totally with you about the TV and WiFi. I need to physically remove the router and cables as I'm working. Sometimes I forget and sometimes I'm persuaded, which has never ended positively, e.g. I feel if she hadn't had them yesterday she may have prepared what she had to and gone to her interview...

I have one, well he has a job now but he dropped out of school in October and was more or less at home all day until a couple of weeks ago.

We are in Scotland so he could just hand in his leavers form aged 16 with no comeback.

He spent far too much time online gaming but also went to the gym and started serious rugby training so not completely idle. We live in a rural area with poor public transport so finding a job had been tricky but he is now labouring in his Grandfathers building firm.

The plan was for him to go to the local FE college to sit some more exams next year, he doesn't know what he wants to do so vocational courses are out and the popular ones are already full ( I struggled to get him to do any research into courses, he felt I was trying to control him and fought against it). Now, however, the friends who also planned to attend the same college next year have all changed their minds so he is refusing to go. He wants to live in the moment but also daydreams about moving out. At least he is occupied now which is so much better as I hated having him loafing around the house. Downside is the labouring plus rugby and gym means I have to feed him about 4000 calories a day!

DH and I both have degrees and although we don't think they are the be all and end all it is difficult when you have a child who is not academic as your own experience is not helpful. DS1 has heard all our stories about student life and wants that lifestyle without having the means to achieve it.

sorry, not much advice just empathy.