Coping with my DD(17) behaviors

[lperel71]

My daughter (17) has been diagnosed with depression and General anxiety 6 mons ago. She is on meds and goes to therapy weekly. Lately her mood and behaviors have been getting worst. We are very close but now she is arguing about everything I tell her, is withdrawn and accuses me of not carrying about her. She also says that she doesn't want to talk to me because she is a burden. I am trying to be there for her but She is really hard to deal with. Please advise.

If she is depressed and unwell, her confidence is very low, and she will find it harder to be rational. Its very hard for parents and siblings to cope, I know very well. Have you read the parents pages at Young Minds website, on how to talk with depressed teens ? Also please tell her therapists , especially if you feel her mood is getting lower and she is distancing herself and saying she is a burden, ask for family therapy sessions (they may not be able to offer this but can talk with her about you). Try to be calm and consistent around her, and if you can be practical rather than emotional when talking with her and try not to ask her why she feels this way at the moment. Try to walk away rather than argue, and tell her frequently, that although you dont always undersand how she feels, you love her and will help her find a way through this. Will she do practical but relaxing things with you, like baking or going for walks. help her find things to do which she enjoys and are relaxing. Suggest You might try your own GP and ask for CBT therapy yourself, which might give you a place to be honest and help you with communicating. Its not your fault, but she is unwell and not herself. Make sure you and the rest of the family have some support too.best of luck.

Thank you for your advice!

Hi Iperel71 I really feel for you. My daughter has become anxious over the last few months. Although she has counselling we've not yet been to the GP although I have said when she's ready to I will support her. She hasn't been out of the house now for weeks aside from me taking her to counselling sessions and not attended school and has missed out on numerous occasions with family saying she'd rather stay home. She says her counsellor says she doesn't have to go out if she doesn't want too. I'm trying to behave in the ways that "anthropology" advises but I'm terrified that this will just become worse. When we're home she's animated and chatty and I think great this is better but then she won't leave the house. This has been going on for past 6 months and is getting worse not better. School accept her work via email which I know is a positive but how can she live a fulfilling life if she doesn't go outside. She doesn't see any friends anymore and won't even walk around the block with me and the dog! Sorry for going on but your post really resonated with how I feel too. You're doing your absolute best and you're not alone.

Dear Momofthree1972, thank you for your kind words! I just wanted to share with you that as I mentioned my daughter was diagnosed with General anxiety (besides depression) also. She has social anxiety, very similar to your daughter but it did not get as bad. She still went to school but didn't want to do any social activities. And if she did for the most part she didn't enjoy them. The meds (Cymbalta) really helped her with that. And believe me I am not a big advocate of any meds but it's the only thing that helps her. The meds eliminated her social anxiety a lot. She started going out with friends and doing family things again. The meds are not 100%. She still has some bad days but fewer of them. I think it's worth checking out. Hope this helps! Hang in there!!!

Thank you Iperel71. I too have reservations about medication but as talking therapies only appear to be making a minimal difference she wants to speak with her GP now too. As a mum and ironically in a job where I support young people I'm working on my feelings of hopelessness in all this. I'm so glad to hear that your daughter has made progress though and I hope both you and her are feeling better with it. I'd happily take a few bad days in comparison to how things are at present. Many thanks for your support - really grateful and helpful too.

So glad I could help. I think the feeling of helplessness as a parent is the hardest in dealing with this. I would recommend a good child psychiatrist instead of GP. It seems to me more experience. The best of luck to you and your daughter!! Wishing you all the best and cheering for you!!