How can I help my son?

[S1964S]

My son is struggling very badly at sixth form this year. He's 17 and is retaking the whole year. He misses school but I have no idea where he goes, he doesn't have friends either.

Doctors have spoken about bipolar disorder but I don't even know if he has been diagnosed. He doesn't speak to me or anyone about himself.

I read his diary today and he speaks about psychosis and hallucinations that he has. He writes that he lives a lie when in social situations for people would not see him for who he really is. I want to be there for him as I am the only person he has but he won't let me in.

I don't even know what I am hoping to come from this thread - I just need help with my son.

Dear S - I am so sorry to read your post. It is so very difficult trying to deal with a possible diagnosis of bipolar. My own son is in the process of being assessed for the same possible diagnosis and I can only sympathise with the hell you are going through at the moment and offer my support as we try to get through it. Have a good friend who has been through a similar situation and she does say that it gets better...keep talking, keep posting and remember it's not your fault and that there are other people experiencing the same thing...take care xxx

sorry things are so tough - there are a few threads about depressed teens where you may find some advice/support . look at the Parents section on young minds websites, for things to say to him. Even though he is 17 and you dont understand what is going on in his head, tell him you love him and will stand by him while he finds help. Be careful reading his diaries if he wants them private, sometimes writing down thoughts is helpful, it was for my DD. but he may feel betrayed if he knows you have seen them. If he wont talk (and probably can;t) if theres anything practical you can do togther, small things like walking the dog, watching a movie with popcorn, do. Try not to be too emotional around him, but look after yourself and get support. Even though he is 17, with his permission ask the doctors to keep you in the loop and help him attend sessions and take any meds. At 18 he will probably lose his current therapy and it gets harder to find support. Ask them about transition to adult services so he is prepared . At this age diagnosis is tricky and things can change. With help and the right treatment and support, it does get better over time and a supportive parent makes a difference, even if you feel he doesnt notice now, as he feels stronger communication should get easier. its not anyone's fault and you are being a good mum..good luck. Also, education is something he can return to later.

dear S, understandably, you sound very sad. It's an almost impossible situation when your child will not let you in. I hope you are getting some support yourself for this - or find it here.
Your son must feel frightened of his feelings and may not want to share them with you for that reason.
it may be worth advising him to research on the Internet what happens to a boys brain through adolescence ( if you haven't already) . It goes through some big changes and I believe that some boys have some strange thoughts and feelings. I am not suggesting that i know the state of his health but it may allay his feers a little.
I understand your need to read his diary, whilst it should be private, I can see that your concern for him over rides this , for what it's worth I think it's the right thing to do. You and I know that if you didn't have these concerns you wouldn't dream of looking at it.
Xxx

You might find the rethink.org website useful for information and support.

Get a referal from GP for cahms. Www.young minds.co.uk for info and support. All the best.