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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DD Not coping

19 replies

pixiwoo3 · 09/02/2015 08:53

Hi,
My DD1 (14) is very overwhelmed with school and sport. She is a confident girl with lots of friends but all of a sudden at the start of this year she has started having to stay up till 11pm each night doing homework. She trains at swimming 5 mornings for around 3 hours then goes straight to school. I have noticed that she always seems dazed and the slightest problem can set her off into tears. Her marks are very low (failing science and maths) even though she has a tutor that comes over twice a week to give her a hand.
I am at a loss of what to do, I have even suggests she cuts down her swimming hours but she won't have a bar of it.
Thanks for your help x

OP posts:

PurpleWithRed · 09/02/2015 08:56

Something's got to give. She's knackered. How much sleep is she getting? Presumably on swimming days she must be getting up at 5 or 6 after working till 11. Teens need sleep.

Original poster

pixiwoo3 · 09/02/2015 09:00

I assume she goes to sleep around 12.30 even though she doesn't have her phone or laptop in her room so no way of distraction (I presume). She wakes up at 4.45-5am

OP posts:

MarianneSolong · 09/02/2015 09:03

I don't really think it's about suggesting. Although young people are growing up and want - as far as possible - to make their own choices, 14 is still quite young. I think the right thing is to step in as a parent and cut some of the swimming sessions down. (There may some kind of exercise addiction.) She'll get seriously ill otherwise. In the short term she may kick off, but in the longer term she will start to feel better.

PotteringAlong · 09/02/2015 09:05

That's nowhere near enough sleep to do that amount of exercise.

Floralnomad · 09/02/2015 09:05

Is your daughter planning on being a swimmer ( Olympics / world champs etc) , if so is that likely to happen - I would have thought by 14 you would have a pretty good idea about that ( success in age group nationally) . If the answers to the above are yes then I would be speaking to the school about how they can help by perhaps dropping something like PE ( at school) so that she can go to the library to do Maths / science .

Ragwort · 09/02/2015 09:06

What sort of school is she at where she has so much homework? . My DS is 14 and barely does more than 10 minutes a night - and his teachers say he is doing OK .

Have you looked in her homework diary to see how much she is actually set? Surely an hour a night would be more usual? And my 14 year old has lights off at 9pm and has to be woken at 7.30am - certainly if she is getting up so early she needs to be asleep way before 12.30?

Eastpoint · 09/02/2015 09:06

I swam as a teen and would get run down & sick, then I'd have to stop swimming for 3 months to build myself up again. How is her diet? Is she eating the right food for the amount of exercise she is doing? Does she have nutritional guidance from her coach?

ClashCityRocker · 09/02/2015 09:10

So she's probably getting between 4-6 hours a night?

No wonder she's getting into a state, I think very few people would find that sort of schedule sustainable. I would have thought it would be tremendously damaging to her health.

She shouldn't be having to stay up until eleven doing homework. Is she struggling with it?

Chopchopbusybusy · 09/02/2015 09:15

Ask her to show you what homework she's actually getting. Neither of mine had very much homework at 14. She might just be so tired that she feels overwhelmed and doesn't know where to start. She would also probably benefit from a week off swimming. Will she still swim in half term?

beautyfades · 09/02/2015 09:15

Half 12 on a school night is well too late.

beautyfades · 09/02/2015 09:17

She's only 14 and goes to bed at that hour no wonder she's going to be shatters. Why do you let he stay up so late?

PeaStalks · 09/02/2015 09:20

As someone else said unless she is truly an Olympic possibility I would give up the swimming. It's completely OTT for a 14 year old to do what she is doing. Not enough sleep, too early for a teenage body to get up.
She cannot possibly do both.
She's probably struggling to do the homework because she is too tired.
If she won't agree you will have to decide which is more important - swimming or health.

MuttersDarkly · 09/02/2015 09:20

So 4-5 hours of sleep a night ?

That's nowhere near enough.

I think the choices depend on the extent to which she can realistically expect to make a living from swimming, as a swimmer rather than in one of the associated professions, in the future.

If she is amazing with real prospects, I think a full schoolday at a mainstream school can simply eat too many hours of the day and leave not enough left over for the particular talent some children have. So they end up burning the candle at both ends... and in the middle. In which case home ed, or an online school would probably be a more time efficient way to provide her with an education whilst allowing her to focus on developing her gifts.

If she is good, but never going to set the world on fire, then I think some of the training has to be cut if she is going to make a go of mainstream ed.

One way or another, something had to give. She simply isn't getting enough sleep and the "torn in two many directions" can't be a bundle of laughs for her.

Nolim · 09/02/2015 09:23

The day has 24 hours. She cannot function like this.

TeenAndTween · 09/02/2015 14:55

She must be shattered! What is the afternoon/evening routine?

Say she gets home at 4pm.
30mins downtime.
2hours homework.
Done by 6:30pm
Eat.
Relax.

In bed by 8:30pm ready for 5am wake up.

pasanda · 09/02/2015 21:22

I simply cannot believe you allow her to train for three hours, five mornings a week. That is totally ridiculous. And why is she doing so much homework, yet still failing at two important subjects? Despite a tutor. (where the hell he/she fits into her life I can't imagine!)

Something just doesn't add up. Like a pp said, there are only 24 hours in a day.

In fact, I don't believe this is true.

KatyMac · 09/02/2015 21:31

Pixiwoo, I understand having a teen with an aim, a goal

DD was 13 when she took up dance & slowly over 3 years this grew to being 6 hours 4 nights a week and being out of the house 7:30am Sat til 8:3pm SUn

But anytime she had a poor mark she lost some of her classes until it was back where it was before (usually higher) and she slept at least 8 hours every night - no sleep, no class

She moved out at 16 & is now (after a shaky start) sleeping 11 hours a night & exercising 35 hours a week. Because I showed her how to manage the high exercise/sleep/diet equation & make sure that it was balanced.

You have to put your foot down & ensure proper sleep - is she eating properly? Her coach/tutor will support you talk to them and create a safe plan for her - s/he doesn't want your DD over training - mine did last year & it took a long time to get over properly

Talk to her coach/tutor

Travelledtheworld · 10/02/2015 05:55

How does she get to the swimming pool ?
I assume an adult drives her there ?
You can control that then !

Is she worried she will put on weight if she stops swimming ?

Agree with all the other posters. You need to get a grip on this.

chocoluvva · 10/02/2015 11:10

Could she swap some of her morning sessions for evening sessions?

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