How do you/would you deal with this?

[nowitsenough]

I don't know how to parent a teenager, it seems

Dd 13 is not very motivated. Her interests are YouTube videos, face timing with her friends, playing SIMS, stuff like that. She isn't interested in doing homework and seems to do the bare minimum at the last moment, just to get it done.

At this age I thought she should be taking responsibility for her work herself, that I shouldn't have to nag and remind her all the time.

She has turned out very spoilt, does no chores unless reminded, and then she glowers and stamps. And that's just when I ask her to take the plates into the kitchen and put them in the dishwasher.

Yesterday we went to parents evening, all her teachers said get work was good, although she seems to daydream and not finish her work, that she needs to be going back over past homework and doing the "EBI" (even better if) and also doing some french practice and reading some challenging books.

She used to read lots, but these days only reads trashy books if at all. Her Kindle is full of all sorts including classics, but she's not interested.

When she gets in from school I'm usually working and is not work that I can do at another time, there is a short turnaround time for all my work. So I can't sit with her to make sure she does enough work. Most days she comes home, I ask if she has homework, she says she doesn't know and that she will check, then she goes to the loo, gets something to eat .. In the meantime I've carried on with my work. Then after dinner I'll ask her if she's done her homework and she still hasn't checked!

She is always miles away, these days usually due to her phone and the texts etc she's receiving, but she has always been a daydreamer.

She has already started her gcses as her school is taking three years for them. She doesn't seem mature enough to take responsibility for the work required.

Any thoughts?

Forgot to say, she doesn't sleep long enough. Bed time is 9, silence meant to be from 9.30, but she rarely sleeps until it's very late. She's not allowed her phone at night though.

We don't follow lent, I think she'd wonder what's going on if I suggested giving up something for lent.

I agree with the person who said that it would be easier without mobiles. I hate mobile phones. Teens have to keep in touch with their friends or they worry they're missing something, so they have to be online all the time.

I've ordered some agnus castis, vit b6 and evening primrose oil, as a lot of the mixed supplements have iron in them which isn't suitable for children. I will be careful to read the pack first before giving her them. I also have vit d tablets, which I'll probably give her too.

She might benefit from magnesium too. It has a calming effect. Good to take at bedtime.

Highly sensitive people are more likely to be on the ASD spectrum btw. It is much more likely to be undiagnosed in girls.

I agree with the phone sentiment - work of the devil - they're addictive.

Milky drink and carbs before bedtime with a magnesium supplement might help and perhaps she might go to bed a bit later.

Thanks I'll look into Magnesium supplements. She's so picky with food, would live off pasta if allowed to, but I'm not cooking that at 9 pm! What carby snacks would you suggest?