Is it normal for girls to be so shy about their bodies?

[Dancergirl]

Dd1 is 13.5. She was quite an early bloomer and started developing at 10 or so, first period at 11 and a quarter. I bought her her first bras around this age at my suggestion but she seemed to accept she needed one. She wouldn't let the assistant fit her though but was happy to let me come into the changing room with her with a variety of sizes.

Since then I've tried to keep on track with buying her new ones and bigger sizes but its becoming more and more taboo with her. It's got to the point now where I can't even mention anything about bras without her clamming up or changing the subject.

A few months ago she asked me if she could wear a minimiser bra. I was surprised but said I didnt know if they came in her size. She's not huge btw and her figure is in proportion imo. But she dances a lot so maybe she's noticed a lot of dancers are quite flat chested. Anyway we both sort of forgot about it and she hasn't mentioned it again.

Even though she doesn't let me see her undressed and I completely respect that, I had a feeling she could probably do with a bigger size. So the other day I bought her some new bras one cup size bigger and left them on her bed to try in privacy. So she's stuffed them in her cupboard untried.

I do worry a lot about her as she's a very closed book generally and I often can't tell what's going through her mind. I want to balance being there for her and listening to her but also respecting her privacy. But sometimes I just don't know how to talk to her as she just clams up and I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. It seems like she doesn't like her new body but looking back, I didn't want boobs at 13 either.

I was very shy at that age, I don't think my mum saw me naked from age 11 onwards, I would buy my own underwear but could talk to my mum about periods.

My 11 year old doesn't care about being seen naked, she's quite proud of her b cup boobs and we talk openly about what will happen when her periods start.

I would have rather DIED than talk bras with my mum. Our relationship was fine, as was mine with my body.

I think privacy and boundaries are perfectly natural - and very individual.

Bless her D cup no wonder she feels awkward I feel sorry for teenagers they have so much going on and we just want to make life easier for them sigh

I was exactly the same at her age. I did grow out of it eventually... Although it was probably about 5 years TBH!

The thing is, a D or DD cup with a 30 back size isn't actually that big. I don't look at dd and think she has really big boobs even when she's wearing a leotard or fitted clothing. Looking at some of her friends some of them are much bigger so it's not as if dd stands out at all.

Ah right so she isn't actually any bigger than anybody else

I think it is pretty normal for lots of girls to be embarrassed about their changing bodies as young teens.

DD is petite, one of the youngest in her year and did a lot of gymnastics, but started developing in Y6. She went from wandering around the house with nothing on to keeping covered up at all times. I had to guess what bra size she must be, and buying the right size leotards was a bit of a mare! I tried to get her measured for a bra when she was 13 (as she was obviously bigger than a C cup) but she flatly refused, so continued to wear bra's that were too small in the cup/too big on the back.

Then, just before she turned 15 she agreed to a fitting at JL with my GodD (who is similarly well-endowed!) and now has bras that fit - 30E (the fitter said 28F would be better, but very hard to come by), which isn't enormous, but she is petite too. She is also much less embarrassed about her body and will talk normally about bra's, tampons (which she flatly refused to try till she was 15!) and other stuff.

OP, will she let you measure her? There are lots of bra-measuring threads on here.

See I think a DD bra is quite large at her age. She might well be just shy because she is different to her friends. Especially if they are skinny dancer girls.

I'm the same back size or maybe even a bit smaller and if I was a DD I would feel huge !

Will she let you (or her sister) measure her while wearing a thin bra/ crop top?

Even just the under bust (band size) as a starting point?

If she ends up being a 28/30" band you could then draw up a table showing how different band sizes and cup sizes equate.

Perhaps knowing that her 30D (for example) broadly equates to her friend's 34B will make her feel less insecure.
If she has a small underbust she can get away with quite a high cup size without having a noticeably big bust. She might not know this.

Like a lot of women I wore the wrong cup size for years. My problem was that growing up I was ashamed of being bigger than a D cup

In desperation I tried 34D/DDs on but they were somehow too loose.

I'd always been measured as a 34 (thanks M&S, BHS, Debenhams...) so it didn't occur to me that I could size down the band AND size up the cup simultaneously.
I'm now a 32FF but was probably a 28/30" band as an slim, sporty teen

Are you near a large city? Is it possible to prebook a fitting with a sympathetic bra-fitter in Bravissimo? Pretend it's for you and drag her along. You could explain to her in the shop that they measure by eye/ over your clothes and point out the gorgeous bras they have on display. Make it into a girls' day out. I realise this might be a step too far if she's shy but it was only when I bit the bullet and got measured by Bravissimo (NOT M&S) that I truly became comfortable with my size and received the right support!

I was in M&S last week ( half term) with my DD now 16 and it was full of Mums and teenage daughters trying on bras, some strops going on behind the curtains and some mature conversations about styles and sizes.

My DD had previously refused to be measured and fitted. She had been wearing the same bras for over three years. This time she asked " Mum, can I get some new bras?"and I was able to grab a passing assistant and get her measured and fitted ( while I kept out of the way...).