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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Work experience and personal hygiene!

11 replies

MyballsareSandy · 03/02/2015 13:29

Feel a bit of a cow saying this but we've had a letter home from school saying DD(13) needs to spend a day at work with DH or I, if possible in the next few weeks.

My first thought was my job would be most suitable .... second thought, would she actually listen to me and ensure she was clean and presentable with properly brushed teeth .

It's an ongoing battle to make her shower daily and scrub her teeth properly and wear clothes that don't have two day old dinner marks on them.

She's not depressed, she's lovely, she's happy, doing well at school, loads of friends, but personal appearance/hygiene isn't high up on her list.

I'm ashamed to say I will be embarrassed if she doesn't make more effort in my work place.

OP posts:

Optimist1 · 03/02/2015 13:37

If she wasn't doing her placement at your place of work presumably she'd be going to your husband's or elsewhere, and your feelings about her personal hygiene would be the same, wouldn't they?

She's not alone in her grungy habits; I've heard of plenty of teens of both sexes who go through a phase of neglecting the basics.

I guess you'll be ensuring that she knows the basics of what sort of behaviour is expected when going to work - being on time, doing what is asked, not texting friends whilst at work, being pleasant but not over-familiar with co-workers and so on? Why don't you reiterate all of these and add in the clean clothes, clean body, clean hair, clean teeth aspects?

In a way, it's a pity that it's just a one day placement - a week or more of higher standards might encourage her to take a bit more care with her personal hygiene.

velourvoyageur · 06/02/2015 04:08

Tell her that if she's not ready and washed on the day she'll have to go into school and explain herself why you couldn't have her coming in.

Bit mean perhaps though?

specialsubject · 06/02/2015 13:46

also might be a useful lesson that going to school stinking and with bad breath isn't very sociable either. Surprised the other kids aren't on to her about it.

Kleinzeit · 06/02/2015 14:08

Can you arrange a swap with one of her friends’ parents? You take each other’s kids in to work? They will both behave far better for someone else’s mum.

myotherusernameisbetter · 06/02/2015 23:38

Can't you just tell her to do it?

i have 14 and 13 year old boys and I can assure you it isn't high on their list of priorities either, but I still tell them to shower and wash their hair and brush their teeth every day and they do it. They wouldn't care or remember without me telling them. If the dirty clothes aren't put in the basket then I just take them out their rooms and they can't then put them back on.

I appreciate that they need an element of independence and privacy, but at the end of the day you are still their parent and they are still your child. There is no way on earth that i'd allow them to embarrass me or themselves by being dirty.

DontCallMeBaby · 06/02/2015 23:45

Does someone, not you or DH if it turns out to be his workplace, get to give feedback? If so I'd be priming them with 'yes it IS okay to say she honks'.

As an aside, how confident is the school that this is a possibility for all families? DH and I both work, but neither of us would be able to take DD for a day!

Butterflywings168 · 07/02/2015 00:10

How sure are you that she isn't depressed? It's possible to mask it very well. Ofc some abusive parents would rather not be arsed to teach personal hygiene but humiliate dc for lack of it

mymatemax · 07/02/2015 00:13

How about... you are not stepping foot outside this house like that. Go and wash & clean your teeth & put some clean clothes on or I'll do it for you!
That should do the trick :)

Original poster

MyballsareSandy · 07/02/2015 10:20

Thanks all, I do nag her every day and I think it's gradually sinking in. I just thought by this age it would come naturally.

I will have another chat about hygiene and personal appearance. She doesn't smell, which is surprising, just sometimes looks dishevelled and in need of a scrub.

OP posts:

myotherusernameisbetter · 07/02/2015 11:12

Glad that it is sinking in, it's a long hard slog. Mine have been getting spots so we have had a chat about the need to keep their faces in particular cleaner. They are liking a bit of attention from me helping them apply cream etc. Maybe something like that would work? Would she like a bit of tinted moisturiser and you could show her how to apply it but it has to go on a clean face. Maybe a bit of fuss over her hair too? Apologies if you've already tried that.

BathTangle · 07/02/2015 11:16

Does your workplace have a dress code? Mine did and it might be easier to address it as "part of work experience is complying with the dress code of your employer".

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