17 year old vs 4 year old :/

[ghostspirit]

hi my daughter is 17 and my other one is 4. im starting to get fed up over things that should be very simple more towards the 17 year old because i feel she should know better. example: 17 year old went to bathroom to brush her teeth. in mean time. 4 year old, went in 17 year olds room. 17 year old then went to her room. instead of saying to 4 year old, can you leave or mum wants you, or something. anyway speaking to her in a normal tone.. she starts screaming and shouting at her, to get out of her room. and it turns into a slagging match that gos on and on. When it was something that could have been dealt with, in a really easy way. so now 17 year old has set the tone. she manages to get 4 year old out. her bedroom door in locked from the outside. 4 year old is then dangling bait from out side the door. ie 4 year old saying ha ha im getting the ladder im gonna open your door hahahha. 17 year old still shouting no your not... 4 year old laughing i am ha ha yes i am.... I told 17 year old yes 4 year old is being an arse yes she is winding you up. but if you don't say anything she will get bored. Which she does in less than a min she will leave and find something else to do... and it has worked everytime. but 17 year old is to much like a bull in china shop before dealing with it in better way.

I know im the parent. but i cant jump everytime. im not always in the room or in the bath or getting dressed or something. i just think the 17 year old should be able to manage a bit better than she does with situations like this.

then another bit of me is thinking can it be dealt with or is it a case of just waiting.

i should point out the 4 year old does get told of. its just that i dont think it needs to get to what it does

You cannot expect an teenager to think the same way as an adult. Their logic is still a bit off and seeing consequences is really hard for teenagers.

The problem is your 17 yr old is still a child turning into an adult. Mix that with the anger , irratabity , embarrassment and loathing the brain makes teens feel towards their family. (Does this to help the separation to becoming independant) it's not a surprise it's happening. Girls are very vocal and release their anger loudly quite often.
I think it will eventually sort itself out but you're probably going to have to be mediator for a while.
Instead of trying to fix the problem try agreeing with your d.
Go into her room when it's all kicking off and say to your d "this is really annoying for you". "It's really hard having her bug you all the time". Then walk out. Take your d2 downstairs.
What you've done is acknowledge how awful it is. Your d knows how to deal with d2 but agreeing with her will give her the feeling she is understood. She may then start to sort it out in the future. Don't let stay in room to have a deep conversation as you may start telling her to deal with her. Don't do that. Just agree it's annoying.
It's a hard stratagy to do at first because we are programmed to try to help them fix stuff. Buts they don't want us to. Use it in all different situations. Her moaning she looks rubbish in all her clothes - I have days I feel like that too. School work is boring - yep , I feel your pain it can really get on your nerves. Friend is bitchy to me - why do they do that it's so pointless and it gets on my nerves when it happened to me. It really works. Give it a go. Worked wonders in this house ;)

thankyou heyho111 i have told her loads of times i know its not all down to her. it just feels so simple for her just to say mum wants you. instead. sometimes im in the bath shampoo in my hair etc and i got the 17 year old screaming mum mum over and over. and its frustating that my 7 year old can manage the 4 year old better. just a small example he will go to get 4 year old drink she jumps in his seat. so he puts her drink on the widow sil. she gets up to get it 7 year old jumps back in his seat. if that was 17 year old she would be going mad. i still sound like im blaming 17 year old but im really not. maybe it is just a waiting thing. because if i suggest anything she just agues with me so maybe its just best to leave it. probably just a time thing.