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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

What's the point?

11 replies

numberonedad · 21/01/2015 21:53

My 17 year old is asking "What is the point?" - saying to teachers that they dont want to do anything once they leave college (maybe as soon as they are 18) - one teacher suggested "your going through one of those phases".

So what is "the point", and how do you deal with teenagers who dont see one - and aspirations they had seem to have gone.

OP posts:
nequidnimis · 22/01/2015 09:01

The only reason anyone says 'what's the point' is if they think nothing they do will make a difference to the future outcome anyway.

Surely the point of hard work at school is that good exam results give you more choices in life. Ask your DS what sort of future he wants and what he thinks people living those sorts of lives did to achieve it.

I once drove DS through a really tough area to show him what the point of hard work and effort was - I know it's not that simple of course, but he was 14 at the time and I needed something visual and simple.

Original poster
numberonedad · 22/01/2015 09:16

Thanks nequidnimis - not sure the driving through a tough area would necessarily work - they have watched Trainspotting and recently said something like "they lived ok in Trainspotting"!!! :(

OP posts:
Original poster
numberonedad · 22/01/2015 09:17

oh and they are saying they want to live of benifits

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nequidnimis · 22/01/2015 09:46

Are they saying it just to annoy or shock you? I definitely didn't see Trainspotting as aspirational, and can't imagine anyone choosing that life. If these comments are designed to push your buttons I think you have to ignore or meet them with amusement.

Are there any aspects of life they currently enjoy - eating out, hobbies, holidays? Ask whether they'll miss those things.

I've lived off benefits at times and it's a struggle. Do you know anyone who could explain that to them?

nagynolonger · 22/01/2015 09:53

The problem is that many who work hard and are 'good kids' won't get brilliant grades and prospects for them aren't that great. Even if they get a job chances are it will be low paid and they know they will be working to 70+. Not everyone will get a string of A*/A/B

The best apprenticeships are very difficult to get onto and lots of DC are frightened by the thought of student debt.

Just taking them on a car ride and showing them feckless yoofs hanging around street corners will just frighten them IMO. Prospects are not great if DC are from poorer families. Those from less well off families in rural areas have very few opportunities.

Driving lessons and car insurance are very expensive. Part time work for the young is much harder to find so few have any experience of anything other than school and hanging around with mates.

I do stay positive and encourage my teenage sons but it is much harder now than it was for their older siblings.

One thing I have noticed in my younger sons is an increased interest in politics. They are starting to question why things are the way they are.

Original poster
numberonedad · 22/01/2015 09:59

no - they aren't saying it to shock or annoy me. I agree, the lifestyle in Trainspotting is not something to want, in my opinion.

And they are talking of leaving college as soon as they are 18.

Their mother lives off benifits and maintainance and isn't struggling financially :(

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bettyboop1970 · 22/01/2015 11:52

She will be once DC turns 18 and she won't get tax credits and goes onto JSA.
Go on directgov website. When on JSA he will have to look for work every day and provide evidence, even Christmas day.
Job centres love to sanction payments.They are very stringent.
Let him know you won't support him financially.

LineRunner · 22/01/2015 11:59

What's the point?

To have choices.
To be able get the hell out of where they're living.
To be able to travel and see something of the world.
To meet more interesting people.
To live a life.

Original poster
numberonedad · 22/01/2015 13:58

Should I be worried that they don't see what Linerunner has alluded to?

That said don't (some) teenagers go through a stage of intraspective inward self-centred negativity - so parents just have to ride that out and hopefully toss in the odd bit of positive experiences - or is it something only done by a few teenagers and a sign that there are real problems?

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cleo14 · 22/01/2015 22:58

IMO this is a very normal/ common statement made by teenagers and I think us parents are have a tendency to overthink? I know as a teenager I often thought, what's the point- life is sh*t!

LineRunner · 23/01/2015 12:40

I think it's quite common, as a phase, yes.

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