Year 11 and no revision, no studying.

[Travelledtheworld]

Dd16 is clever and at a selective girls Grammar. She cruises along. Good at some subjects and middling at others.
She never does a stroke of work outside school.
She has done her mocks and will pass everything.
But she will not put in any effort at all to learn the things she has missed over the last two years, or do any revision, or do any extra studying to improve her grades.
Her attitude is " I don't care, my grades are good enough to get me into sixth form college, so why should I bother?"
She is friendly and happy and no problem at all. We have a good relationship but she absolutely refuses to discuss school, homework or revision with me.

Do I leave her to sink or swim ?

Yes " MrsJackAubrey I find the predicted grades very annoying. And the continuous end of unit tests where they are told you got 18 out of 20 therefore A*

NO NO just cos you have good short term memory for these simple facts does NOT mean you can solve problems or a give a detailed written answer in an exam four months after you covered the topic in class.

Well fortunately we don't have Oxbrdige aspirations for her. She hasn't got a clue what she wants to do at university. Has not submitted her A level choices though they were due in last week......

If no visible effort by Easter I am going to make her get a job in the local
( upmarket) supermarket where she can either work her way up through the management hierarchy, or stay on the checkout for the next decade.

Mrs Aubrey yes, no gaming but lots of facebooking, blogging, you tubing and other online time wasting.

The school does push them quite hard. I think partly her attitude is to show her disdain for school, and for the nerdy girls who do work very hard.

At year 11 they need to manage their own workload I reckon. You need to have a frank conversation with her mock grades as to where she sees her future - just scraping into 6th form is ok but does she realise the gcses will matter re uni applications and if she isn't at the top of her game she will find a levels so much harder?

You can't make her study. You can be there, provide facilities, discourage distraction etc but she has to do it and take the exams.

If she's going to fail to meet targets due to laziness better she does it now than at a level.... Poor gcses aren't the end of the world, though they may handicap progress and make it harder in future. Poor a levels are game changing - at the very least meaning resits and re applications she all your mates are off being students.

Do you think perhaps she might be somewhat hiding from the ridiculously overwhelming pressure of deciding at 15 years old what you are going to do next year, therefore what might you do at uni, therefore what might you do for the rest of your life. It is absurd that kids have to decide this shit so young and some know, some don't, some guess, some bullshit, and some hide from it. I was a hider and basically refused to work because I resented the pressure. She may not be doing that but she may be - just offering another angle into the conversation... Cos I'm betting they switch off at the first sign of a 'what do you want to do' chat or a 'you need to do more work' chat. Whereas an 'I know this is really hard to think about' chat might open something up?

Agree re predicted grades not being helpful - me and dd1 sat and wrote our own realistic and manageable targets and predictions for her (she's y10) and scrapped the school's entirely because they said last year 'she'll get straight A's' which I KNEW would not be the case, and then this year she's got a smattering of actual grades from As to Ds, predicteds are all over the shop and she has no fucking idea why or what is going on and I think this adds to the 'pressure-decide now-be awesome forever' situation.

Bee that is really good advice - thank you

sixandtwothrees I am certainty not forcing her to make career choices now, ( total pragmatist that I am ) but I think she is daunted by the majority of her peer group who seem to want to be Doctors,vets, architects etc.

Sigh...

the battle I'd pick is the attitude that it is 'nerdy' to take advantage of your education.

one word: Malala.

travelled, I didn't mean that you were doing that (sorry if it seemed that way) I meant the general pressure of the system of choosing options, choosing A Levels - it's all just so... early. I think peer groups are a problem: both the ones who seem to have these really big ambitions sorted and are clear about them, and the ones who sneer at the nerds. It's hard actually if you are not sorted about being a vet or whatever, and you're not a class clown, not to fall in the cracks between...

What is she like organisationally? Like timekeeping and stuff? What hobbies and interests does she have?

Sixandtwothrees
Thanks for the interest !

Timekeeping. Good. Reliable.
Organising things, Good.

Has done lots of voluntary work including working in a cafe.
Does babysitting.
Very musical and plays in two orchestras, but doesn't want to do music A level.
Is a qualified lifeguard but can't be arsed to apply for a job.

Likes make up, doing her hair, cosmetics. Lounges around in her bedroom. Hours online.
Rately socialises with her peer group. Not interested in boys yet. A bit of a day dreamer.

Very funny and articulate. Cynical. Socially astute. Kind and a loyal friend.
Widely travelled ( like me ha ha)
reads The Guardian and the Daily Mail online ( so she can keep up to date with Trash Britain, so she says).

Would do great in the Media, PR, advertising.

But she can be rather shy and clams up if put on the spot in the classroom, public forum etc. Quiet in class and sometimes gets overlooked.

She doesn't do drink, drugs, smoking, attitude,or hang out with a bad crowd.
I think all this refusal to study is her way of rebelling against the system ie me and school telling her what to do.

(Sighs and goes off for another Cuppa tea.)

Do you know what? I think from that description she sounds like a lovely girl who is is just immature and not feckless. She may blossom at sixth form and benefit from not being in an all girl hothouse.

Agree with others about predicted grades. It gets worse at A level. DC getting uni offers based on optimistic predicted grades and then failing. It's not fortune telling! One parent complained to me when her DS missed his firm and insurance by miles because he did no work that his grades were not what the school predicted.

Ach you know she sounds really lovely I agree with Peastalks. Also I think if she is shy and often overlooked everyone may get a big shock when she nails her exams and it turns out that quietly she has had it all under control all this time. If she's otherwise organised I would not worry about it as she sounds pretty balanced tbh - the things she does are getting her out and about socialising even if she's not 'hanging out' with her peer group. Some kids really don't like that unstructured time and also she sounds like she is the kind of person who really actually NEEDS a lot of time to herself. Which is fair enough.

Do you do any stuff together just you and her?

six yes we do lots together. Just hanging out and watching films, Music stuff, a bit of shopping, occasionally lunch. We get on really well.
Doing school work is the only thing we don't agree about.....

Thanks for all your advice and interest.

Her interest in current affairs will stand her in great stead for English and possibly social subjects.

Hopefully she will mature enough to do well in her A levels.

Doing school work is the only thing we don't agree about.... - that's me and my DC too. I'd try not mentioning exams, studying tests etc, even school for as long as you can stand and see if that helps.

We have a saying in our house 'everybody works here'. DH and I work full time so everyone, even very little ones, are expected to do what they can to contribute. That might mean pulling their weight with household chores, volunteer work, or school work. No one gets a free ride.

I'd have that talk with her. If she isn't working at school then absolutely she should get a job. Sitting on your arse facebooking as a rebellion or because you don't want to seem 'nerdy' is not an attitude you want to encourage.