Son (15) wants to join the Army.

[Bookaholic73]

Hello.

So, I have known for quite a while that he wants to join the army, but thought (or hoped) he'd change his mind. But he hasn't, and wants to join next year when he's 16 years old.
I'll support him in whatever he wants to do, but I am just so worried and concerned that he has chosen to join the army.

We went into the Army Careers Office yesterday and I think it really hit home that he is dead set on this as a career.

I am trying to think of the positive things, such as it being a secure job, he'll get to see the world, make lifelong friends, learn a trade, all of which I CAN see as being positives (especially when the job prospects here aren't that great), but still...I think about the negatives too (injury, death, killing etc).

Has anyone's Son or Daughter joined up at 16? Can anyone just offer some comforting words?

My brother joined up at 16. All he wanted to do and to be honest there was nothing else to do here.

Been in 20 yrs. Been to fab places and shitty ones. Kosovo/Falklands/germany/canada/Afghanistan. ...still in and loving it. Has carved himself a great career...unlike some of his class mates.

Id happily support my children if they chose to go.

DS1(20) is in the Army. He is midway through Phase 2 training. He is in the Queens Royal Lancers.

He said when he was 7 that he was going to be a soldier. DH is RAF so he always known military life. He would have joined up at 16, but he got all A*s and As in his GCSEs and we wanted him to do A levels so he could still become an officer or go to university if he wanted.

It wasn't plain sailing when it came to joining up, he had to go to medical appeal but once that went through it was really quick. He was Infantry fit, because he originally wanted to join the infantry but changed his mind as he wanted a trade. He scored really highly at interview and was sent to selection 3 weeks later, where he passed with a high grade. 8 weeks later he was at Winchester to start his Phase 1 training.

Phase 1 was strict. There will be no way that the 16-17yos will be allowed to drink at Harogate. The ATR where went was a "dry camp", when I spoke to the Major she said "no-one is allowed to drink here no matter how old they are." They weren't even allowed off camp for the first 7 weeks. They came home for a long weekend after we had a families' day, and they had a couple of weekends that they were allowed out in the local area before they passed out. They weren't allowed to drink on their days out, either.

DS1 loves being in the Army. His confidence has grown massively, he has made lots of friends and he is more happy and more enthusiastic about life in general than I have seen for ever really. He is a completely different person to the boy I had at home this time last year. He has thought his career path out, he knows exactly where he wants to be, what he wants to do etc.

The day he passed out was one of the proudest of my life. He has overcome a lot of obstacles to get where he is. His school tried to talk him out of it, PILs tried to talk him out of it, my sister was horrible about him joining up. When I thought about it, I thought I either support him or not. If I didn't and if something happened I wouldn't be able to live with myself. It is easier for them if they have support, some kids don't and I feel so sorry for them.

Some of the younger lads don't know how to manage their money, so I would drum budgeting skills into him. They wasted their first pay on X Box ones, iPhones and PS4s. DS1 has saved like a mad thing since he joined, he's not a big drinker anyway, and has just bought himself a BMW! Last weekend he said he is starting to save for a house.

Your DS could do a lot worse than join the Army. I won't lie and tell you it's easy being the mum of a soldier, because it's not. But I only ever wanted to see my kids happy and believe me, DS1 is very very happy.

I need to read this thread properly but Book I too have a DS who wants to join the forces. I thought/hoped it might just be a phase, but he's nearly 17 now and still says it's what he wants. He would really like to join the Marines, although I think the physical fitness requirement is incredibly high. Does anyone know if you try to join the Marines and don't get in, are you allowed to then try for the Army? I have no knowledge of any of the forces (I will do some research, now that it seems more than a passing phase). fairycaravan My DS is currently doing A Levels, but struggling and I'm not confident he will get good grades. What sort of A Level grades are required? I think I read somewhere 3 Ds minimum, but is that realistic, or do they want much better grades? Did your DS join straight from A Levels? Also who are PILs?? Thanks for any advice and sorry for hi-jacking this thread a bit! Book If my DS does join up, I will be incredibly proud but also worried.

Hi

• just wondered if any of you feel their is anything you could have done as your dc grew up to prevent them wanting to join the army. Keen to know as ds is young but it's my worst nightmare - not just the danger to him but the idea of a child of mine being involved in any way in taking a life. Did you allow them to play with guns or toy soldiers as a child - I worry preventing this might make it more appealing

I have nothing to base this on really, but I don't think you can prevent them from wanting to join. My DS played with toy swords, guns, bows and arrows (as did my DD!). He also loves computer/Xbox games but then most boys/teenagers do. Lots of my friends' DS play these games and they don't want to join the army. I have always tried to appear neutral when he has talked about it, saying it's his life, his choice. That's one thing I really realise now, it really is their life. They have a right to choose their career, follow their dreams. My DD has just gone to Uni and my DS now wants to join Marines/Army, childhood races by so quickly and then you have to let them fly and make their own way.

fairywoods DS1 got AAB at A level, but you don't need A levels to join the Forces, most people don't have them. In fact he has better A levels than the Major who interviewed him at selection and the Captain who was in charge of his troop at Phase 1. A few officers and senior ranking non-commissioned officers have said that we must be horrified of his career choice, but we aren't. He would only need A levels to do Officer training, they usually like a degree for that too, and I think, if he was wanting to go to Sandhurst there is a long wait at the moment. DS1 has gone in as a Soldier so he can get experience and decide in a few years if he wants to go for his Commision.

He couldn't apply until the October after A levels because he had had a broken bone in the previous October, and you have to wait 12 months after a break, more after some injuries. His application was orginally rejected based on childhood illnesses but with support from our GP he was successful with his appeal. Once that was sorted it was quite quick.

I'm not sure how it works if you apply to the Marines and don't get in, then apply to the Army. I would imagine if it was on fitness you could, but on health or medical grounds I really don't know. The best thing to do is talk to the armed forces careers office, they are really helpful.

PILs are Parents In Law.

AndCake I didn't try, nor want to try, to put DS1 off joining the army, and tbh that attitude infuriates me. I am not trying to put DS2 off becoming a nurse so why on earth would I steer DS1 in to something he didn't want to do? We need an armed forces, we always will. I am eternally grateful to people like my DH and DS1 for putting themselves up for this. I don't like the idea of DS1 being involved in killing someone (DH hasn't killed anyone, he's been serving for 28 years), but there are some truly evil people in this world doing some truly evil things and there are very, very strict rules, they can't just shoot. And they don't just kill or go to war, they do much, much more. I won't lie and say I'm not worried about him being killed one day, because I am, but I don't tell him that.

I let both my boys play with guns, fighter planes, action men, toy kitchens, prams, dolls, teddies, sewing kits and numerous other things. One is a soldier, the other, fingers crossed is going to be a nurse.

My mother banned my brother and I from playing with any violent toys, games or even seeing television that featured guns until we were about ten. From that point we were allowed to watch history programs, but only if they were about how horrible war was.

I did a War Studies BA and my brother is a 2nd Lieutenant in the Household Cavalry (and loving it). So... total failure there.

thanks very much to FairyCaravan for her long post.

fairycaravan thank you so much that's really helpful. Could you just explain what "if he wants to go for his Commission" means? (is it promotion to officer?). Also what is a non-commissioned officer? Lastly, did your DS enjoy the training, was it really tough on him? In some of the press you hear about bullying. I've looked back at your first post and it sounds like your DS loves the army and that it has been really good for his confidence which is very encouraging. I think what really appeals to my son is the camaraderie, being "one of the lads", having an outdoors job and potentially seeing some of the world and doing something he is proud of. What would you say are the qualities/skills they look for when recruiting? Sorry for all the questions! I will start doing some research and point my DS towards the armed forces careers office for advice. Thanks so much.

Has your son looked into all the downsides properly - i.e. not just relying on Army recruitment material? (Taking any advertising at its word is risky, let alone on something like this!).
I recommend having a look at www.beforeyousignup.info - unbiased information about pros and cons of army life. Also check out the work of Child Soldiers International on this issue - they've published a lot of reports on the British army and how badly army life affects teens (compared to adult recruits) and why it is much better to wait until adulthood to join. THere's also a video he should watch at www.theguardian.com/uk-news/video/2013/oct/28/british-army-young-recruit-video.
I also know several people who joined at 16 / 17 and they all deeply regretted it. SOme are permanently traumatised, others just felt exploited. One of them is dead. I know I'll be flamed for this by lots of military posters on here but I just wanted you to know not everybody thinks it's a good idea - unsurprisingly though the ones who had a terrible time tend not to talk about it in public. HE's your son - you have a right to say no.

fairywood going for his Commision means if he wants to become an officer.

this link tells you a bit more about ranks in the army. I know more about RAF ones, tbh, as I've been married to DH for 21 years.

DS1 did enjoy the training on the whole. There were a couple of days where he didn't, but he never got homesick and never felt like jacking it in. He saw it as an end to a means and knew that Phase 1, while it was hard, was only 14 weeks out of his life and career.

There wasn't any bullying by anyone. He got 'told off' a few times which meant he had to do a bit of extra running, or a some press ups, but he didn't mind that because he is fit. Some of the lads didn't understand that when they are told to do something it is an order, not a request, and you don't negotiate.

He has made some really great friends, and I am surprised by how close they have become so quickly. Some of the younger lads like DS1 because he is sensible and very mature so they turn to him for advice, his best army mate is 27. When he is home for the weekend he gets texts and snapchats from his friends telling him to come back!

I'm not sure about what qualities they look for, tbh. I know when I took DS1 3 times before he actually filled in the application, they asked what he wanted to do, they asked about his qualifications and predicted grades and said it looked good on the application if they had had a P/T job, or done some volunteering. DS1 didn't go to Cadets and now he regrets that, because a lot did and they were much better prepared for Phase 1.

DS1 has a friend who joined up at 16 straight from school. He didn't even have his GCSE results through. He is based where I live. He doesn't regret it one bit. He absolutely loves his life. He's been abroad quite a few times already in the 3.5 years he has been in.

If DS1 hated it I'd be honest, but he doesn't. Last year, in Cape Verde, We met a couple and her DS1 is in the Army, same regiment as DS1 just a year in front. He abslolutely loves it too.

Thank you fairycaravan very helpful and kind of you to take the time to reply. Thank you too somemother, I haven't looked at your links yet, but I will do. Apologies book for hijacking this thread a bit, but some very interesting and useful advice and help on here. Lots to think about and investigate.

My DS is going through the process now to join as a junior soldier. I looked at the links somemothersson posted. One comment I would make is that it certainly appears to me that the armed forces constantly learn from experience.

The recruitment process is pretty thorough. Obviously they dont want to recruit train someone who then wants to leave straight away. My DS went on an Insight course a couple of weeks ago (this is a 'look at the life' course). It is to all intents and purposes compulsory now.

I was interested in your comment about cadets TheFairyCaravan, my DS has been a cadet for over 3 years now. I have often wondered if it will benefit him if/when he starts training.

One of the problems for 16 year olds now is that while they are supposed to stay in some sort of education post 16, I dont think that there is anyone who has to take them. The problem has always been the non-academic students. Certainly where I live the choices arent great if A levels arent really an option.

For around 1200 16-17 year olds each year the Army gives them training, education and not a bad salary.