I don't know what to do. DD16 has always been difficult and as a teenager I can safely say she makes everyone's life a misery. She is violent, aggressive, abusive and not a day goes by without her causing some kind of fight. We have tried everything with her - treats, punishments, talking to her, even got her a referral to local counselling group, encouraging her interests, nothing makes a difference.
She will walk into a room and just let the tension build up by just death staring people and making aggressive noises until I calmly ask her to go if she is going to behave like that, then she explodes and shouts and pushes her sister. It's just miserable and I almost feel as if I am in an emotionally abusive relationship that I cannot escape.
If I thought that she would do well at school and go on to university/college/work and move out when she turns 18 next year I could manage but she absolutely refuses to talk about leaving school. She does no work, and every day is a battle to get her to do any. She has done abysmally in her mocks and is already only sitting the bare minimum exams as she has done so badly. She is capable but extremely lazy.
She is very very immature and has no social life. I would say she has the maturity of a 11 year old. She shows no interest in boys/girls, going out, seeing friends. All she wants to do is sit in her room on her computer/tablet, eating food (she is overweight). I try to have input in this but she earns money from babysitting and just goes and spends it on crap at the shop then refuses to eat dinner. Then she comes to me crying she is fat and I gently try to suggest she could eat better and she goes mental. I encourage her to have friends over (she does have some but she won't socialise with them) and she just shouts at me.
Anyway she has no idea about what she wants to do when leaving school and says she doesn't care and has no interests and doesn't understand why uni is so much fun. I made her look at the UCAS site the other day and she would only look at courses in our city as she said she is not leaving home and we can't make her. I know that if she stays on with us she will just stagnate in her room and I know none of us can continue with the awful atmosphere and tension and rage that fills the house all of the time. She has no idea about the real world, I have tried to explain to her how hard it is out there and that even graduates struggle to find work. She says if she fails all her exams she will 'just get money from being a photographer' as she quite likes photography(we tried to encourage this more by buying her a nice camera but she lost interest and it's still in a drawer).
I feel I need to give her that push when she leaves school to spread her wings, for everyone's sake. But she actually panics and freaks out at the thought. Obviously I would never actually stand by the door and put her and her belongings out but she needs to grow up and find a life beyond her bedroom walls. Can anyone give me some advice. Please please don't pick apart my thread and criticise/pull apart what I've said, I really have tried so hard and just can't take any more.