Late for dinner, what should you do?

[HesNotAMessiah]

i cooked dinner, advertised it well in advance to DD and actually cooked it on time for when she said she would be back.

Turns up 20 minutes late, after we'd all finished eating.

So what's the right response?

Pull up a chair and help yourself?

Or

We have finished eating, you were late for dinner, once we've cleared up you can sort your own dinner out of the leftovers.

Answers on a postcard to the usual address...

If you have no fridge and a tight budget I'd say she's there at mealtime start, she gets whatever's left and heats it up after (then clears etc) or she can heat herself something up (can you have tins, noodles, pasta/tuna etc she can cook herself?

I don't see the major issue in expecting someone home if they've said they'll be there. And it's hardly a novel idea - lunch/dinner time. They experience it daily at school and will experience it in the workplace.

If she can't be arsed to turn up when she agreed she would then it's probably worth offering to let her make toast / cereal if she clears up afterwards. I don't have a teen and in theory I have no objection to plating something up they could micro. If she's doing it a lot I'd be more concerned about teaching her manners.

My issue with it is because of what I discussed previously.

Me and my friend would come home from school and be ready for four.
I'd meet her and walk to mine this would take 30mins. So that's 4:30.
We'd revise, chat and mess about for an hour until I'd have to walk her home to be in time for 6 - come rain, hale or shine, in the dark and light. She wasn't allowed to stay for tea at mine because her mum insisted on having her home. And she wasn't allowed to have friends over.
She'd eat her meal and help wash up. That'd be 7. Then the half hour walk back to mine... Her curfew was 9 so it was just a PITA and frankly, unsafe for both of us traipsing up and down in the dark. When her mum finally relented and let her begin having dinner at mine or making her own when she got home it was a massive relief and helped our relationship actually when I think back.

This isn't the same as the OP's situation, but I'm trying to explain why there can be an issue sometimes. It was for us.

Food might need warming but ready to eat. Pick your battles that one is so not worth causing a problem about.

If it's a one off if do nothing but briefly request she's on time in the future. If it's regular id get her to cook and serve some meals to try and help her understand about the effort, time keeping and family time

Not happened to us yet, but I was brought up in a household where eating together was considered very important, and arriving late to a meal prepared to a time of my convenience would have been a total no no. In fact meal times were fairly fixed, so it was really just 'are you going to be there for supper at x time, or not'.

dh is way more laid back having mostly made his own tea as a teen, but we'd both be very unimpressed by a rude attitude, and persistent lateness with no thanks is in my view very rude.

So, I think it would likely be either pull up a chair and eat but put up with being told off, and getting the worst chores or if persistent then the nice meal might well get eaten by others.

My two cook a couple of meals a week so have an idea as to how much hassle it is. Mostly they are late becasue they are stuck in a game - it really bugs them if their dad does the same to them!

Definitely a 'Pick your battles' job I'd say.
In our house, meals are plated up, anyone who isn't there can eat it cold or put it in the microwve when they get in. There's bigger issues to worry about in life than being a few minutes (or hours) late for your tea.
If they aren't going to eat it, I expect to be notified in advance, but if they are late, they just get a slightly dried up dinner.

They do all take turns cooking though, and I am treated the same if I'm home late from work or anything.