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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DD16 being stalked

22 replies

MumIsASuperHero · 08/12/2014 22:50

Please say if this should be moved elsewhere and I'll ask MNHQ to move
Anyway my dd has being stalked by a boy round school. He waits for her at the bottom of the stairs from her boarding house and flirts and smiles he follows her to her form room but his is next door to hers so dd ignored this. The smiles etc continue whilst she waits for her tutor. He flirts and waits for her whilst in the dining room and always seems to know her last lesson of the day. Anyway on Thursday this boy messaged her saying he loved her and fancied her and wanted to be with her. Dd told him she wasn't interested. He's told her he wants kids with her. She's blocked his number and facebook he's still texting her on facebook accounts and numbers. She tired to ignore it in school and he's known as a weirdo and geek and passes out regularly so my dd chose not to listen to her friends as he's done it before. But now she's worried and ive told her to keep an eye on it and don't respond. Is there anything else I can do?t
Tia

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 08/12/2014 22:51

She should tell her form tutor/head of year

RandomMess · 08/12/2014 22:53

If she is at boarding school then she needs to tell her head of boarding house and you need to be telling the child protection officer for both of their sakes - they both need some help/support!

Original poster

MumIsASuperHero · 08/12/2014 23:00

Shes broke up now on holiday for 4 weeks so I'm monitoring IT at home for now. But I will email the pastoral deputy head and email her housemistress. My dd is scared..I spoke to her this morning and she's googled him and his name comes up with all these weird stories he wrote. The boy sounds like he's pleading for help and blames his parents for people disliking him

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Original poster

MumIsASuperHero · 08/12/2014 23:00

He stalks many other girls and the school know about him

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RandomMess · 08/12/2014 23:05

Absolutely you need to keep up with the school and get them to deal with it.

Original poster

MumIsASuperHero · 09/12/2014 08:54

I feel sorry for the poor girl he'll move on to next

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SunnyBaudelaire · 09/12/2014 08:56

I would make a huge fuss and take it to the governers and SS if necessary. It's a child protection issue.

Original poster

MumIsASuperHero · 09/12/2014 09:38

sunny
It's not a state school so it's dealt with differently. He's bejng reported for it lots of times so when they know about this I think they'll go further with it. in all honesty I think he needs psychological help as he 100% blames his mum for having a c-section which made him weirid and pass out. My dd said he has self harm marks and things. I think he properly talks to girls for comfort but it turns out to creep them out.

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SunnyBaudelaire · 09/12/2014 09:51

OK but surely there are still governers or some kind of higher ruling body to take concerns to?

SunnyBaudelaire · 09/12/2014 09:51

Private schools still have to 'do' Child Protection don't they?

Original poster

MumIsASuperHero · 09/12/2014 10:08

There is but I don't think the governors need to know about this. The deputy head pastoral is the child protection officer. Which is who ive emailed and I'm sure he will deal with it appropriatly and may pass to the head.

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Athyrium · 09/12/2014 10:11

Remember to keep notes of times/places he is lurking, screen shots of communications etc, always useful to be able to show evidence of what he is doing.

mummytime · 09/12/2014 10:30

She is under 18, this is a safeguarding issue - they cannot just "deal with things differently" they have legal responsibilities, even if they try to wriggle out of them. As it is a boarding school if anything they have a higher level of care.

Your DD needs to keep a diary, and record of events. Record when he tries to contact her, when she blocks him, and then when he tries a different way. To be honest, I would phone 101 and ask for advice from the police, this is a serious matter - and especially if it is continuing during the vacation it needs to be treated as such.

Northumberlandlass · 09/12/2014 10:35

If you have made the school aware & they are not taking any steps to resolve the situation then I would definitely call 101 and ask police for advice.

Your poor DD.

Original poster

MumIsASuperHero · 09/12/2014 10:53

I'm not sure what the school are doing to deal with it. I've had a reply from the deputy head and he and the head are meeting and when they have looked at the boys file he has done this on numerous occasions and he's told me to tell her to screenshot and keep records of times and dates of these things. But he has assured me it will be dealt with and if any more messages come through to contact the police again. ( I have a case number) but he's assured me it will be looked into when they Return to school. She's shocked more than anything..he's done it to her friends aswell.

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Miggsie · 09/12/2014 10:59

Sounds like the school are doing a good job of fobbing the parents off and not protecting the girls.

Are they waiting till he actually attacks one of the girls to do anything?

I'd be making a bigger fuss than this. I'd demand a meeting with the head and go along with my DH and ask them what steps they will take to stop this happening again - as they certainly have failed so far. I would ask for definite action and dates.

Are they sending the boy for therapy? Or hoping all you parents and girls will shut up until the boy leaves and then isn't their problem?

SunnyBaudelaire · 09/12/2014 11:03

no miggsie, they do things 'differently' apparently.
This kind of thing and parental attitude puts me right off lovely private schools tbh.

Original poster

MumIsASuperHero · 09/12/2014 11:06

He had an saturday detention last time he harassed a girl so it will probably be a more serious outcome this time. If she was at school I would go down to the school and demand a meeting but as they are on holiday and don't return until next month ive just got to try and manage it at home. I've made the deputy aware and the deputy is emailing his parents to let them know about what has happened. My dd hasnt reported it to school at all as she thought he had enough problems without needing to be told off. And he won't tell no1 except 'girls' how he feels. So hopefully his parents will get the email and give him a talk and the investigation will be stated once back at school

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mummytime · 09/12/2014 11:42

A saturday detention seems mild - to say the least.
But the advice: to keep records, to block and to inform the police, are good.
There is a limit as to what the school can tell you (regardless of what they are going to do).

If your DD is anxious or worried, then go and take her to the GP, maybe get a referrel for some counselling, so she can deal with her own feelings. Part of it is that the boy has manipulated her into feeling FOG (fear - of him, Obligation - he has no one else to talk to, Guilt - of what he might do/he has no friends).

She needs to know:She didn't cause this; she can't control it; she can't cure it.

Original poster

MumIsASuperHero · 09/12/2014 17:28

I've told Her she can't control it and she said he's making her feel like she's in love with him when she's not attracted to him. Had 1 message today and that was that his protection officers were checking our family out. I think he needs help.

OP posts:

Nativity3 · 14/12/2014 21:37

He sounds like he needs massive help!
Good that you've reported it... Definitely keep a screen shot/ print out of all correspondence and block him. How is he messaging her? Make sure she changes her facebook settings so she can't receive facebook requests for a while. I think it's also possible to turn off the messaging feature. If he is messaging her and she can't turn this off, she mustn't open them as they show as 'read' once open.

RandomMess · 14/12/2014 22:23

I think they school are dealing with it but things at boarding school do work differently. They are probably aware of issues in his life and are doing their best to support and help him.

Mum - you do need to keep in touch with the school and tell them that your dd is very unhappy/upset about this and whether it continues or not. It is a safeguarding issue and they will treat it as such.

Very sad situation for him and an incredibly distressing one for your DD.

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