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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

What kind of rent/housekeeping is reasonable to ask an adult (21) child to pay?

30 replies

AJ65 · 27/11/2014 21:38

My step son's mother is about to kick him out and we'll probably have him here. He's working, so should we ask a proportion of his salary, or a fixed amount?

While I'm here - shouldn't there be a specific topic for issues with adult children, especially as so many parents find thier children coming home to roost again in their early twenties?

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 27/11/2014 21:43

the same it would cost for a Flatshare room - so £400 ish but crucially including bills rather than extra
The cost of the food they eat
Use facilities for free but not do their washing, they do it

So approx £550 a month. Adjusted if they earn less.

Rivercam · 27/11/2014 21:43

I think the amount depends a on whether you are providing food, doing the laundery etc.

Rivercam · 27/11/2014 21:50

I would find out how much his salary is, and set an amount according to that, to cover the increased cost of him living with you, plus extra.

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 27/11/2014 22:00

My parents took a third of whatever I was earning, which I think was pretty generous of them tbh. I couldn't have lived on my own and only spent that amount.

ChillySundays · 28/11/2014 13:31

I have been charging £15 per week. This was based on the fact that she was 18 and earning minimum wage and on a zero hours contract. So some weeks the percentage of her wages was higher than others.

She's now been promoted and an due the pay rise in January so will be getting the calculator out to recalculate. Part of me feels guilty as she is now paying her own car insurance and mobile but she has to learn.

HesNotAMessiah · 28/11/2014 14:52

Depends whether you feel you're housing him or supporting him in finding somewhere permanent to live by himself?

Housing, then go for full fat rental including food, you could get a nice flat round my way for 400 so that's maybe a bit steep for a flat share but 550 all in includnig laundry and food is reasonable.

If you're being supportive, maybe take two thirds? Explain to him just how much it should be costing and ask him to save the difference.

What my brother did was put his kids rent aside, once they'd shown some commitment to finding their own place, growing savings, looking for flats etc. he told them he would pay for the flat deposit and moving in expenses out of the money they'd paid in rent, and then gave the rest back as a moving in present.

Great if you can afford it. Your DP should be offering to take up the expense in the first instance though?

EnlightenedOwl · 28/11/2014 14:59

Depends how much earning I guess. I was on a £12k salary for my first job and I paid £400 p/m but would put a bit extra in the pot when nec e.g Christmas and so on.

Original poster

AJ65 · 28/11/2014 15:57

Thanks for all your responses.

I kind of think we should charge him something a little below the market rate, but DP feels he should get to keep more than half of what he earns (despite my pointing out that that's not the way it works in 'real life').

So, we're thinking of charging him 25% of what he earns on the basis that he puts another 25% into a savings account (and proves that he's doing it).

It may come to nothing (again)... He's coming over this evening so we can talk it over.

OP posts:

Original poster

AJ65 · 28/11/2014 15:58

BTW - we can't afford to just take him in and support him as we're generally just making enough to cover ourselves and our own plans. In fact I'm in the midst of applying for a second part time job to help save for a holiday and don't want that job to end up supporting DSS!

OP posts:

Heyho111 · 29/11/2014 22:49

I would ask for a £100 a month. If you take the amount other people are saying two things happen. He won't be able to save to get a deposit for his own place and he would be able to do as he wished as it is a proper rental amount. Taking a nominal amount means he can save and will have to fit in with your rules.

Olive1987 · 01/12/2014 16:15

Wow people are saying full rental value at £400 a month? A one bed around here is well over a grand a month.
When I was living at home I had to give £50 a month (my boyfriend £50 a week). I realise this is very very very generous.

seimum · 01/12/2014 16:32

Our working DDs are charged £100/month, on the basis that it covers their food & extra bills etc (but not mobile phones, which they pay themselves). Until recently DD1 was on zero hours so earned between £60-£180 most weeks, but sometimes nothing.
DD1 now has a full-time permanent job, so we could increase her contribution, but would prefer her to save the extra (which she does), so she can consider moving out at some point. Also, we do not currently need the extra money.

fattycow · 01/12/2014 22:31

My parents always charged me and my sibling a set percentage (50%) of what we were earning. If you earned little, you paid little, if you earned a lot, you paid a lot. But in the end, the percentage was always the same.

FrauHelgaMissMarpleandaChuckle · 01/12/2014 22:32

1/3 of his income is what I'd charge.

thankyouandgoodbye · 02/12/2014 07:40

I hope the women charging their own children extortionate house keeping aren't the same ones moaning in a few years time about how their kids have no savings and can't get on the property ladder.

Id take less house keeping but encourage saving by saying that each year the housekeeping would increase.

OP - I do understand that if you need the money to literally pay for him to live there then that is entirely different.

GnomieGrace · 02/12/2014 07:50

I would ask them to pay 1/3 of the bills, so if mortgage/rent is £600, £200 for that, council tax might be £150 so £50 for that same for gas/electric then if he wants sky or extra channels he pays the full amount so in total £400 ish I think it's fairer to split the bills 3 ways than to ask for a portion of his salary that way he is prepared fit a flag share

gamerchick · 02/12/2014 07:58

I would be looking at why he's being kicked out before money and whether those same issues are going to arise in my house.

A percentage of his earnings should be alright but a chat to see what that includes.

Perfectlypurple · 02/12/2014 08:04

I would charge a percentage of what he earns. When my dsd starts to work I will probably charge her 25% of her earnings and expect her to run her own car. Chances are I will put the majority of what she pays in an account to help her get her own place. I won't tell her that though! If she works hard and saves a decent percentage of her earnings she will get a lump sum at some point. If I find she isn't then she won't get anything.

Rebecca2014 · 02/12/2014 08:09

50% is really mean. 25% sounds fair.

DealForTheKids · 02/12/2014 08:16

When I came back from uni my parents knew I did want to move out and get a place of my own. So we agreed that I had a set period (I think it was 6 months, may have been longer - 'twas a while ago!!) rent-free, where I could either save like a demon for a flat deposit, or fritter my cash away. After the 'free' time, they went for market rate, so there wasn't any huge motivation for me to stay.

I do recall I had enough a couple of months before the 'rent free' period ended and totally didn't stay put until the end spending my cash totally irresponsibly for a couple of paychecks

I did however tell them I wanted to move out ASAP. If he's not so determined I'm not sure what I'd do.

DealForTheKids · 02/12/2014 08:17

For clarification I obvs mean a rental deposit - I certainly didn't save enough to buy in 6 months!

MeMyselfAnd1 · 02/12/2014 08:26

I would charge him probably about 25% less than the going rate rather than a proportion of his salary.

The fact that you mention his mother is about to kick him out makes me think that he is a bit of handful. He cannot learn to be a responsible young adult if his mom and dad are paying for his subsistence to allow him to spend his salary as if it was pocket money.

(And make some house rules before he moves in, otherwise the one willing to move out will be yourself!)

MeMyselfAnd1 · 02/12/2014 08:28

Ps. If he is earning a minimum salary do not check the going rate for shared houses for professionals, consider the student rate (currently about £70pw in my area) and divide the bills by the number of adults in the household.

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 02/12/2014 08:37

Set your rent at whatever you think appropriate and make him pay it, even put a time limit on how long he stays for to encourage him to think about and save for moving out, that's fine... but I think telling a 21 year old adult man he must save X amount each month and prove to you he is saving it is out of order.

Original poster

AJ65 · 02/12/2014 10:34

Thanks for all the responses. He came for dinner on Friday and we talked it over. We'll charge him 30% of whatever he's earning if he moves in, but he may stay at his Mum's.

btw - his Mum wants to kick him out because he's getting on badly with her and with his sister and his sister is taking an access course this year and needs a bit of peace. He's mad at them because of an unfounded accusation and doesn't want to back down so he's being awkward and barely speaking to them. He lived with us previously and the only problems we had were ones I'd relate to him being a teenager (playing video games late at night etc), so I think it will be fine.

Meanwhile, my daughter will be ecstatic to have him back in our house!

OP posts:

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