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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Where is DD's money going? Should we worry?

20 replies

Maidofmoney · 20/11/2014 15:18

DD is 16 gets £100 a month allowance. We have access to her online banking, DH has checked it today and she got £70 out as soon as the monthly payment went into her account a week ago. She had a couple of pounds in her purse this morning. She hasn't been out or been shopping, so she should only have paid out for bus fares and maybe a couple of coffees. I'm quite shocked and don't know what to think. DH says 'just ask her' which is reasonable but she will know we've been checking her bank account. WWYD?

OP posts:
constantlyconfused · 20/11/2014 15:24

I wouldnt worry . DD can easily spend that amount very quickly on macdonalds and for friends then starbucks at £4 a pop ! Then whines for rest of the month when she has nothing hoping she'll learn soon!

Original poster
Maidofmoney · 20/11/2014 15:28

Thanks Constantly, it's just it's only over a few days and i know where she was on those days, she wasn't buying stuff , the most she will have done is go for a coffee , and that's £70 not accounted for which is a bit scary!

OP posts:
MaybeDoctor · 20/11/2014 15:31

Is she giving it to someone?

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 20/11/2014 15:31

You seem a little overly involved. You check her bank and her purse? Shes 16 fgs.

Inselaffe · 20/11/2014 15:32

I would worry that she isn't learning to control her finances - is it meant to buy clothes, food etc.? What will happen when she gets a job or leaves home and isn't able to save/pay for essentials?

When I was 15 I took out £50 and spent it all in one afternoon (on things like Starbucks and McDonalds). My Mum confiscated my bank book for six months. It was humiliating having to ask for my own money every time I wanted to buy something but it taught me not to do it again.

Can you afford for her to be frittering away £70 in a couple of days?

She's 16 and living at home, now is a great time in a safe supportive environment to learn about finances. I'd be worrying you were missing an opportunity.

HesNotAMessiah · 20/11/2014 15:33

If she's anything like ours, she'll have just paid back all her friends that she's borrowed money off after over spending last month.

It's a cycle they can't get out of once they're in so maybe have a chat with her and ask her if she's managing her budget ok, or does she need to get her balance reset next month so she can start afresh.

Maybe do a bit of budgeting with her? Show her how mcuh she really has to spend each week/month.

DD doesn't get near that much but still dashes out to buy clothes and then moan about not having money.

Add in the necessity to buy supermarket food after school rather than come home and eat and she runs out of money very often and can end up 30 in hock to her payday lender school friends.

sleepyhead · 20/11/2014 15:34

Christmas presents? Or do you give her extra for that sort of thing?

Hakluyt · 20/11/2014 15:34

I would ask. I presume she knows you check the online banking?

OldBeanbagz · 20/11/2014 15:35

Maybe she borrowed some off a friend last month and needed to pay them back?

Does she know you check her bank account/purse? If not then i don't think there's anyway of asking her without seriously upsetting her.

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 20/11/2014 15:35

How do you know what was in her purse?

Maybe she has bought your Christmas presents or paid for some tickets.Or may be she has put the notes somewhere else or even helped a friend out

Don't look in her purse!!!!!

NotMrsTumble · 20/11/2014 15:37

Is this a monthly pattern or just a one off? Could she have spent the money online? Or have borrowed some money from a friend at the last shopping trip? Is she likely to have stashed the rest elsewhere, in a separate purse for Christmas shopping? If there's a pattern of definitely ask, but perhaps not if it was a one off. And FWIW dd & ds get access to tech only if we have the passwords, they're not old enough for online banking /bankcards, but suspect we'll ask for access details for online banking too. Before I get flamed, both have been told that it's probable we'd only check if we thought there was an issue e.g. bullying & seem quite ok with this. Was there anything that prompted your dh to check her account? I assume she knows you have access, so it's not that unreasonable that you'd check periodically.

MajesticWhine · 20/11/2014 15:38

Maybe she borrowed from a friend to go clothes shopping and now she paid them back.

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes · 20/11/2014 15:40

If you give it on condition that she can do whatever then I don't think you can say anything. I don't agree with you checking her bank account either without her permission.

It makes me weep how quickly my DD can spend money and have jack shit to show for it, the only time I would give her ear full is if she's meant to buy college equipment and she's spent it on something else.

You could just ask her what she has done with money?

Siarie · 20/11/2014 15:50

I'm amazed she lets you have access to her account at 16. I would have said no thanks to my parents money and got a part time job if they had made such terms. Obviously she must be happy with the arrangement though.

If you are concerned just ask her, but you do have to let people make their own mistakes in life so they can learn.

NewEraNewMindset · 20/11/2014 15:50

Of you are concerned then perhaps you should give her her allowance week instead.

TheGonnagle · 20/11/2014 15:52

She has probably done her Christmas shopping and paid beck the money she's borrowed of friends to tide herself over earlier in the month.
If it worries you, ask her. But don't be surprised if she's a little put out.

constantlyconfused · 20/11/2014 18:12

Also on top of mcds etc DDs friends pay for her to do stuff when she has nothing cinema wagamamas etc then its DDs turn.They take it in turns to pay for things odd but they all have their go . Public transport is obviously expensive to.

Hakluyt · 20/11/2014 20:05

Ask her. I would ask mine in the same circumstances, and I have teenagers. I wouldn't have looked in her purse but I would have queried taking out most of her months money at the beginning of the month.

Original poster
Maidofmoney · 21/11/2014 10:02

Thanks all. :)
DH asked her and she had not spent it all, which he was releived to hear. She has overspent but just on nothing really. She will be short this month and will learn a lesson so there's no issue, just teenagerhood. Grin
Yes she does know we have access to her account and is happy for us to have access. We check our own online account from time to time, as general good financial management, and encourage her to do the same with hers. She never bothers so we check hers but only very ocasionally.
When she asks her to give up our access we are happy to do that, but she's never mentioned it.
And No I didn't look in her purse, she told us she only had a couple of pounds!

OP posts:
ChillySundays · 21/11/2014 13:58

My DC have had accounts since they were about 14. Never looked - they spend the money and run out before next month it's their tough luck.

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