Nearly 13Dd , why is she so nasty to me !!

[Nittyb]

My gorgeous just about to turn 13 Dd is having vicious mood swings, tonight she lost some homework on my work laptop as she hadn't saved it, & this was my fault of course. She gets really nasty and cannot see that her behaviour is unreasonable , then after some sobbing & threatening to phone childline she turns back into my lovely girl again. It's exhausting ! I try so hard to keep calm but don't always manage it, someone please tell me this isn't how it will be for the next 5 years !!

Welcome to the teen years! Hormones! Attitude! Rebelling! Just ignore what u can and pick your fights! Unless it puts her in a dangerous situation I'm afraid it's like that!

I'll have to work harder on the ignoring then .... I don't remember being this challenging at her age, & I would never have spoken to my mum the way she speaks up me, it really makes me feel like we've done done something wrong bringing her up ??

No you haven't done anything wrong! Sometimes there could be other things wrong too. School, friends etc! Yes they take that out on you too just reassure her she can chat to you about anything anytime. Although she probably won't tell you everything. Don't blame yourself though honestly

Teenage years can be very very turbulent
A fab book to get to help you cope is " Get out of my life but first take me and Alex into town".
It's like a bible for us long suffering parents and is thoroughly recommended by MN's

I've ordered the book :-)

I'm sorry OP, but your post made me smile, especially the bit where you say you feel as though you have done something wrong bringing her up. I don't know how many times that I've thought that myself!
I'm still struggling with my dd (13) and sometimes I feel as though I really can't stand her and then I feel really guilty for thinking that. It seems like a victory if we get through an evening without world war 3 going on in the house. I certainly can't remember ever speaking to my mum like that either.
You are certainly not alone.x

Thank you, it is good to know it's not just me ! It feels like a personal attack , I do think children of this generation talk to adults differently , I guess there is no fear now in most households, which of course is a good thing . One day at time is my new motto , today was a good day as I kept my cool even though she was desperate for me not to, she seems to get some pleasure in me losing my rag !

Good for you! Don't let her get a rise from you! It's definitely different these days with this generation of teens! Some days mine are so lovely and other days they can be so selfish and dam right nasty! It's defiantly a roller coaster

If there are good bits then that's the thing to hang on to - they get you through the bad bits. It's when there are no good bits that it gets really really horrible, as other posts on here will show.
Get out of my life is a brilliant book.
Basically what is needed to deal with teens is the ability to maintain Zen-like self-control despite the fact that you're dealing with someone who's behaving like a total arse!

'One day at at a time ' and 'every dayI is a new day ' have become increasingly important to me too.
Every day is a new day reminds me not to drag the previous days upsets and aggravations and emotions across. It has been quite hard for me 'learn' this and re- set my emotional dial each day and really put it into action but it is helping me , and therefore hopefully my dealings with my DD(13) too. I liken it dog training ! Calm even voice at all times and praise good behavior !

Someone told me once there is no point arguing with them when they are like that . They do not hear you as all the hear is the turmoil going on in their own head. It had helped me somewhat but my teens wreck my head a lot of the time, they are in a good mood today (so far)