19 nearly 20

[shabe]

I am at breaking point. For many years we have had trouble with my youngest daughter. verbally abusive, stealing her sisters things from her room and basically no respect for anything or anyone. I know your thinking. Yes just a teenager but my other daughter had been through hell with her and has had loads of years through the years. The thing is that I need opinion is that my youngest is 20 in January but still not much change. I feel awful but can't wait for her to move out. She has a full time job after being in benidorm for over a year. She is independent, a smoker works full time in a bar but also doing a tefl course. Her step dad is ready to leave and my eldest is still unhappy with her sisters attitude and total disregard and want her to go and put pressure on me so much I can't breathe. I don't know what to do. my husband can't stand her i know because what she s put me through. I'm stuck in the middle I just want a peaceful life but given her so many chances. Don't know what to do. I just feel pressure constantly

It's wrong that your husband and your daughter are putting pressure on you to make her leave. I can appreciate that she is not doing the normal teen stuff. She is doing it to the extreme.
There are two ways this could be happening. She is still in that transition stage from child to adult. Sometimes teens take longer to become an adult.

Or it could be that she is depressed or have other issues.

Whichever one she prob could do with talking to a councellor. But would she agree to go.

She is probably not totally independant. Give her total independance. Take money for gas , water , council tax and electric. Make her buy her own food. Give her shelf space. Let her do her own washing and ironing. Do nothing for her. This way she can truly understand what it's like to be adult.

If she has always been difficult is it possible she has felt rejection from her family constantly. This can have a serious impact on behaviour, relationships etc.
it's so hard to say. But you , DH and daughters would benefit from professional support. It's a sad time. I hope you can resolve it.

Shabe, I don't know how bad it has been but you sound like you are under tremendous pressure so I figure it must be pretty rough. It also sounds like you have done everything you possibly can for your DD. My DD is almost 18 and has been a nightmare for the past few years. She will be (fingers crossed) doing her A levels in June. She plans on heading off to University and I cannot wait until she leaves. She does little or no school work and I don't think she will get the grades she needs.

I have told her that if she doesn't go to University she can move out, get a job and get herself a flat. I have been through hell and back with her. If she shows no sign of moving out I will put my house up for sale and rent a one bedroom apartment.

I constantly tell her I love her but I am not prepared to be a doormat and get bullied by her any longer. In my view 18 year olds are more capable that they let on. When I was 18 I moved to a foreign country where I didn't even speak the language. My sister went to live in America two months before she turned 18. We came from a loving home so we weren't escaping. 18 year olds are adults unless of course they have special needs of some kind.

Your daughter sounds like my daughter and personally I think mine just needs she needs a good kick in the arse. Moving out and fending for herself might just force her to take a reality check.