My DS 15 hates me as well and has gone to live with his dad. I am hoping that what happened with Jayne happens to us. At the moment he doesn't want to see me. I just hope things change.
Teresa you are going through a very tough time. Mums tend to get all the crap. My DD is about to turn 18 and to be brutally honest she has been hell to live with at times. I am hardly in a position to give advice but I recently read two books about rearing teenagers - 'Get out of my life but first take me and Alex into town' and 'Blame my brain - the amazing teenage brain'. I wish I had read these books years ago because I got some very handy tips.
There is a section in the teenage brain book about how teenagers are poor at reading emotions because their frontal lobes are not developed which leads to poor decision making and irrational behaviour. Research shows that teenagers are poor at reading emotions in other people's faces. The author says that teenagers brain activity focuses on the amygdala which is associated with high levels of emotional arousal. I honestly wish I had known this!
I have only read these books in the last 2/3 weeks and can see a difference in my parenting. The other day I got a letter from DD's school saying she missed two days at school. A few weeks ago her Principal actually came to our house to tell her she was on her last chance. When I got the letter I flipped. She came in and I asked her to account for the absences and slammed the door behind me as I left the kitchen. Cue complete meltdown on her behalf. Amazingly I stayed extremely calm and just looked at her thinking that she has poor control over her emotions because of her brain development which isn't her fault.
Knowing this made me less critical of her and more inclined to listen to her instead of berating her. I said very little and apologised for being so rude to her when she came in and amazingly she calmed down. She told me that everyone gets those letters. I said I didn't know that and in about ten minutes we were fine again.
I really feel for every parent going through this. My EXH tries to be so cool and doesn't discipline the DC. I am always the bad cop and the DC have exploited this weakness. I may be being too optimistic but at least I am calmer in myself. It still kills me that DS doesn't want to have anything to do with me but I have to accept it. I think he can't handle all the emotions I throw up. He is not much of a talker and myself and DD talk a lot. He doesn't have anyone in his face at his dad's. I wish that I read those books years ago. It might have helped a bit.
Teresa, if your daughter ever throws water on you again ring the police. Both of my DC were violent towards me and I rang the police who were extremely helpful and told DC that the next time they would be arrested.
I hope things improve for everyone.