16ds so upset any advice plz?

[annielostit]

My ds is upset about his father/step family.
We dv when he was 3. He spent every Friday night with his grandparents/father.
I met sf when he was 4, he treats him as his own and they are close.
My son has struggled with seeing his father as he puts his new dsd before him and he sees himself as 2nd best.
He has been sent home from school because he's been upset by this, refused to go away with them this summer as it made him physically sick from crying.
Hes now upset because he's to have boxing day with them and says he can't do it.
Ive told him that he has to not see them and not put himself through a trauma if this is how he feels.
Hes got enough with exams this year never mind this, what do you suggest.
Thanks in advance.x

At 16, your ds doesn't have to visit his dad if he doesn't want to.
My ds is approaching 13, divorced since he was 3, dad has been married to step mum since he was 5, I don't have a partner. Ds has found that because hes had regular contact with his dad for the last 10 years he knows his dad's character and doesn't like it, describes to teachers that his stomach churns on a Friday when he knows he has to go, so at 16 (when the contact order expires!) I'd expect ds to be able to make an informed choice as to when he wants to see his dad.
Your ds will need some support to voice his opinion, maybe write a letter setting out for himself that he doesn't want to go on boxing day and think about what might be a better day to see his dad. Think about if he still wants 'regular' weekly contact and how he thinks about seeing his dad, grandparents etc.

Does he show any interest in his dad's dsd?

Are they facebook friends or chat online at all?

He's not in contact with dsd's 1 older 1 younger. His gf has supported him previously but said is fed up of him changing his mind and he'll have to tell dad this time. If it were my choice I'd just cut off all contact. I've said I'll talk for him but he says no. If his dad didn't have his head up his are he would of notice the distance between them.
Thanks for your comments. He's calm today even after 3hour maths revision. X

inthename at 13 your ds's opinion has to be taken into account, and quite possibly he wouldn't be ordered to go. Can you just not send him and wait till his father applies to court? Or take it to court yourself?

Does he have to go every weekend, could he not change it to every other weekend or even every 3 weeks? He or you could tell dad that obviously at this age there is lots going on etc with friends/activities etc and is missing out (and appeal to dads younger days on how it was for him maybe?) then at least it takes the pressure of EVERY WEEKEND.

With regards to Boxing day, could he change it to xmas eve with just a meet up, something to eat then back home to you?

Does he stay over every weekend with dad or is it just a day visit?

He stays with gp & uncle every Fri. Stopped going to dad in summer before holiday cancellation. The gp said to make an effort and the boxing day thing was it. Its not going to work though. Good luck inthename with your lo, its hard to see them so sad. X