DS has no go, is it my fault?

[Totalpushova]

My DS is almost 17 and doesn't seem to want to do anything, he can't be bothered or he says he needs a rest etc, etc. He recently finished school, his GCSE results were poor and because of this he lost the chance of doing an apprenticeship in the field of work he wanted to go into. He has gone to college but can't be bothered with some of the lessons, I'm worried as if he messes up here he will have nothing. I have always tended to do everything for him and run around after him according to my DH an DD and they say that the reason why he is like this is because of me. I am the kind of mom who does everything for my kids even though my DD thinks differently. He hardly goes out and stays in his room most the time on the Xbox, he doesn't seem to be interested in anything, is angry at the slightest thing and his language is vile. He has a chance of a work placement thanks to the help of my brother but he is complaining it's to far away from home and it will take him ages to get there, I would help but my DH and DD say I'm babying him again and he has got to get off his backside and do things for himself. It's causing so much tension at the moment and it hurts when the family criticize him and me - I want him to sort himself out but know that unless I push him he won't and that will cause more problems.

Oh dear well at lot of us have been here! By doing everything for him do you mean his homework etc ? Or is it tidying his room giving him lifts etc? If it's the later which I think it is then your probably no different from a lot of us. Is he your younger child? And is your daughter a high achiever if so then he may be setting his stall out to be different to his sister there's a great book by James Leaman called The Birth Order Book it's worth a read. Having been there I would say that it sounds like he's got a bit of low confidence/ self esteem . Some teenagers need quite a bit of support at this age change from school / college/ university is difficult . Have you asked him what he wants to do? As you mentioned he missed out on his course because of poor GCSE's could he resist? In my experience you can't make anyone do anything they don't want to. It's not your fault but it's easy for your husband to put the blame on you and say we shouldn't do anything for him it also saves him getting his hands dirty. Good support is different from babying but it needs to be done. My daughter also enjoyed any chance to revel in her brothers situation ( still does!).

Well how has your pushing him helped so far?

I have total sympathy for you, it must be very worrying, but your dh is right. It has to come from him.

Don't do anything. Tbh at his age even a year holed up in his room xboxing isn't going to make any difference to what he ends up doing at the age of 30. He HAS to do his own cooking, washing etc though. And don't give him money for anything other than transport.

Get him to the GP though if you suspect depression - that's the one area you must take charge of for him if he doesn't.