I think I know the answer, just need online support. DD (14) is being v aggressive and rude and disrespectful to all family members. When I told her to stop being rude and that if she was rude again, she would be handing over her phone for 24 hours, she promptly told her little DB that his breath smelled! When I pointed out this was rude, she threw a tantrum saying it wasn't; well I can't think of a situation this would be polite.
She has gone on being rude and shouting so now has phone and computer use both banned for a week; don't want to have to keep upping the ante but have had enough of the casual rudeness spoken almost by habit.
She's now told me that 'sticks' ie punishments don't work and if I want her to behave properly I should use 'carrots' ie rewards. I don't think I should be rewarding my daughter for not shouting! Ideally, I'd like more appropriate deterrants ie related clearly to the specific misbehaviour ie rudeness/shouting, but can't think of any where rudeness is concerned - any ideas would be useful!
I have been ignoring/tolerating the rudeness for too long and I think she has now just got the idea it doesn't matter or it's normal. I don't think it is or should be normal for family members to be ruder to each other than they would be to a complete stranger, and think it is time DD understood this.
Very wearing... Tell me that sticking to my guns will have some positive result in the end...